Kelly Green Living

Down side to buying in bulk

2009-10-16T12:01:00.000-07:00

Even though Zac's doing it... and despite having posted an article previously touting the benefits of shopping at wholesale places like Costco or BJs, I still wanted to share the following article with you as it presents an interesting, although contradictory view to buying bulk vs. conserving resources (money): Worst Stuff to Buy at BJ's Club and Costco

Personal finance gurus Ken and Daria Dolan weigh in on what you really shouldn't
buy at warehouse clubs like BJ's and Costco.

Their list, from a WalletPop post, includes gasoline (which they say is quicker to increase prices than other gas stations), fresh produce (which probably costs or less the same at a local grocery store if we're talking about in-season fruits and veggies), toilet paper and paper towels (just not that cheap at these stores), and jewelry and designer clothes (the poor quality often doesn't justify the "discounted" price).

Frankly, I question the gas thing. We belong to BJ's, and at least in my experience, the gasoline prices there are always substantially cheaper than stations down the highway. I've always assumed the store uses a cheap gas price as a ploy to get shoppers to come in—and it works. It's the same reason that eggs and milk are cheaper at these stores. BJ's attracts shoppers to come in and buy these items for less than they'd pay at a standard grocery store. It's no coincidence that the items being discounted are things that people need regularly. Therefore BJ's gets these shoppers in the door regularly, hoping that they'll look around and buy more stuff that they probably don't need. You're already there, right? Why not browse a few aisles? That's exactly what stores want you to do.

The Dolans also bring up the question of big versus many:

What's the better deal?

Just because an item is three times the size of the one you'd find in the supermarket, doesn't necessarily mean it's a bargain at the warehouse. In fact, many times that massive one gallon container of ketchup costs more than the shrink-wrapped bundle of six smaller ketchup bottles.

Not only can the multi-packs be the real bargain, they can also be much more
convenient. Those smaller containers can be much easier to use, to store and to
finish before they go bad.

Very true. One thing not on their list: stuff you really don't need. Go to the store with a shopping list—and stick to the list. Otherwise, you'll come home with an odd assortment of items you had no intention or need to buy. And that is the worst stuff to buy at BJ's, Costco, or anywhere
else for that matter.

Move over Prius

2009-10-14T09:31:00.000-07:00

Honestly, cars are not my thing—and yet within the last 24 hours, oddly two auto-related items caught my attention:

First— this cute, albeit kinda bizarre looking electric car from Peugeot:

Probably don't need to explain the theoretical advantages of electric cars over the current gas-guzzling machines of today, but briefly will anyway; no gas consumption means less dependence on the Middle East, less pollution, and less household money spent.

To this effect, Peugeot recently updated the look and mechanisms of their vintage 1940’s electric car design. The newly unveiled space-age looking model is getting lots of attention in the automotive industry, and based on appearances alone it’s understandable due to its awkwardly appealing aesthetics. (Anyone else think the front seems like it should be the back?)

This innovative electric car is tiny, and yet fits four. (The catch is that to save space, the person in the back seat has to spread their legs around the front seat, old school sledding style.) Reverse opening doors, and handle-bars instead of a steering wheel (in order to conserve space), this unique vehicle still features all the amenities we have become spoiled by; Bluetooth phone capabilities, navigation, Internet access, MP3, and a USB connector.

A super attention getting car with the reverse stigma of a Hummer… I like it.

Obviously this next car bit appeals to the ever-present 1st grader in me; how could I resist reading an article titled “the car that uses urine to save the planet”? Exactly—I couldn’t.

In all good faith, I tried to really read the article, but... it was filled with all kinds of boy goobledy-gook. What I was able to glean on the subject though is that Mazda’s new CX-7 model uses a man-made urine-like liquid to somehow reduce nitrous oxide emissions. This is already being done in the trucking industries in Europe and Australia, but this is the first time the science is being introduced to the masses.

Although an intriguing idea, the article is kind of a tease because it doesn’t talk about pee that much. (And the car they show isn't even yellow!) I am left wondering if real human waste could be used for this purpose, I mean— how much more man-made-urine-liquid-like could you get?? It will be interesting (for first graders and adults) to see how this idea progresses— will toilets someday be upgraded into holding tanks for such a purpose? If going #1 was no longer cause for flushing, water consumption would be cut down drastically, so that'd be a pretty big *YAY* for the environment in addition to the benefit of reducing NO2 emissions.

Maybe someday (as I stare off wistfully at the horizon) they could even come up with a way to make cars run off poop…. water consumption would be cut even more drastically, and (bonus!!) the expression “skid marks” could be reborn, reused, and recycled.

Energy Jerk #2: Go take a cold shower

2009-09-28T12:00:00.000-07:00

When it’s cold outside, unless I am under extreme time duress, I can’t help myself from being an “energy hogging jerk” by drastically abusing rule number two: taking really long hot showers.

As discussed before, I hate taking showers due to the time consuming rites and rituals that are involved with being a girl. Shaving, exfoliating, body lotions, blow-drying, ugh... With so many unpleasant parts of the bathing process, I try going to enjoy the parts of it that I can, i.e. feeling as warm as possible, for as long as possible, under a hot cascade of water. During the winter, it seems like any time of day, taking off your warm clothing and getting in the shower is an assault to the senses. Being cold is such an unpleasant feeling… but the worst part is getting out of the shower and standing dripping wet and shivering. (Hopefully NOT underneath or near an air-blowing vent.) To stave off the inevitable shivering bout, I of course put off this worst part of an evil shower for as long as possible… I mean talk about an unhapy ending!

However, I didn’t fully realize before that by prolonging my warm showers, I was being a jerk too? (Like my grandmother always says about the theme of Harry Potter, "evil" is contagious… figures that instead of the shower cleansing me like its meant to, it just makes me as evil as it is. Get thee behind me, shower.)

Here’s the expert’s take:

A long hot shower may be a small luxury, but those extra minutes spent
escaping with your thoughts under the body-warming water stream can quickly earn you some icy glares. For starters, hot-water tanks are finite and nobody enjoys a cold shower. What's more, hot-water heaters account for about 15 percent of an average home's energy bills, according to the Alliance to Save Energy.

Try to limit yourself to five minute showers to make your housemates and bank
accounts happy. If that doesn't work, at least invest in a low-flow shower head,
Rogers said. Another option is a so-called tankless water heater. These
appliances generate a continuous stream of hot water when they are on –i.e. the
hot water doesn't run out – and when the hot water is turned off, it is off. The
devices do cost more than a tank, but tend to last longer and consume less
energy so they pay for themselves in a few years.

I feel like in a fluffy way—the point is made: take shorter showers; the less water used, the better. This one sounds easier in theory than it may be in actuality, but I’m willing to give it a try. I guess on the bright side, less time in the shower means more time and money to spend on the après-shower routine… (Which is good, because rubbing a rose on my face alone takes at least 40 minutes.)

Juicy and Bloomingdales "reinvention" FAIL

2009-09-23T11:21:00.000-07:00

Even though my beloved Olsens stopped wearing them over ten years ago, and laugh and laugh and laugh about the idea of it now—I have still have a pile of Juicy Couture zip-up hoodies in my closet that I am not giving up anytime soon.

Velour, terry, cotton knit, waffle knit, cashmere, fur lined, and in every color of the rainbow; pink, blue, green, pink, gray, camouflage, cream, pink, black, pink, white, pink—over the past decade I’ve garnered quite the collection and still find them to be the perfect outfit topper for many an occasion, despite what the Olsens might think.

Obviously driven by the goal to “SELL MORE HOODIES!!!” Bloomingdales and Juicy are currently staging a campaign trying to show you ideas on how to “reinvent” the idea of wearing a Juicy hoodie. For real. They’re calling it, “the new way to wear Juicy Couture!” I feel like, if it ain’t broke, (and how can throwing on a sweatshirt ever be broken?) wtf are you doing?

While I had no intention of buying anything (I was mildly open-minded though, Juicy has pleasantly surprised me many, many times in the past) I clicked away, viewing all the “new” looks, curious as to how the heck you can wear the hoodie in a new way. I was so hopeful that I would be inspired by something I saw, and be exposed to new styling options for the collection of hoodies I already own… I always love and appreciate inspiration on how to recycle the stuff I already have into new and interesting things.

Expecting urban, subversive and inspiring looks (maybe how to wear a hoodie like a diaper, in a cool way? Or, velour turbans? Studded, jeweled hoodies? Liquid leather hoodies and matching leggings?!) what I instead got was this look: 12 year old tomboy forced to dress up for synagogue.

Yawn. Pairing a zip-up with a skirt is their awesome new styling idea? Um, SO not impressed…

Not wanting to judge too quickly, I frowned and continued clicking through every outfit shown. As I studied the plethora of pictures depicting the alleged *super-cool, new 2009* ways to wear Juicy hoodies, all I could think was—do Pam and Gela know about this?? Do they?? Really?? Who was the eff was the stylist for this?? For a boundary pushing clothing company (I know, I know, seems weird to define the bubblegum trappings of Juicy Couture as “boundary pushing,” but they really are the ones who started making leisure-wear acceptable and attractive enough to wear everyday. Without them, Soffee shorts and old sorority t-shirts’s might still reign supreme for casual weekend attire... ugh.) this was so common-place, and...boring?

My gut tells me that Pam and Gela know naught of this lame sales attempt, and the whole thing is probably masterminded by Bloomingdales. (Also weird though, Bloomingdales usually gets so much right?)

But I mean, really. Jeans a sweatshirt?? What a novel concept. (Open-toed booties do not make this outfit "new.")

Juicy sweats and doc martens? Good god I hate this:

This one is ok.... but even still—kind of on the boring/generic side from two companies that are usually dictating the hottest of hot new trends. AND, not 100% sure why this outfit was even shown, because unless the sweater is gray terry cloth, or the leggings are black velour, this outfit doesn't even feature any components of the classic Juicy tracksuit?

This is the only one that gave me moment to pause, because while not amazing-- it still introduced to me the idea of wearing a tracksuit with heels. Like, if this girl was confident enough, this is an outfit she could wear out to a happy hour-- and I'm not sure there are many other ways to make tracksuits bar appropriate?

While disappointed in Juicy/Bloomies execution of project "how to reinvent wearing Juicy hoodies," I'd like to leave on a happy Juicy thought: starting on the day after Thanksgiving, last year Juicy offered a promotion where if you brought in old Juicy clothes (which they would give to those less fortunate) you would receive a discount on your purchase. That is smart marketing, doing something good for the world, while encouraging sales. I'm sure at least that tactic was P&G approved.

Pup culture: hand made Halloween costumes

2009-09-17T13:05:00.001-07:00

As the temperature gets cooler, and the leaves start to fade yellow, I am cheered on by the prospect of my favorite holiday getting closer and closer… my endless fascination with zombies, vampires, and anything else that goes “bump” in the night, has made the one eve it’s ok to celebrate all things creepy especially cherished. Oh Halloween…

This year I am extra excited, as I now have a four-legged fur baby to costume as well. (Although I do not want a sissy, clothes wearing dog, a Halloween costume will be the one exception to her “no clothes” dress code.) Throwing some devil ears on her would be too easy—although quite fitting. Determined to find the perfect costume for my bratty puppy, I turned to Etsy.com. Without a doubt I knew that the masses of grass-roots, entrepreneurial spirits that share their wares via Etsy would not let me down. And of course, I was right. Please enjoy the most divine canine costumes that I cherry picked for you. Which one is your favorite??

Big, bad wolf: actually, this is SOOO fitting for my puppy, who if it were up to her, would gobble up EVERYTHING that ever crossed her path. Made by hand, and offered on Etsy, can help your pooch get in touch with their primeval spirit.

Wanna bee: omg, so cute. This would have been perfect for the cuddly lap-dog I thought I was getting…

Called Purple People Eater, but reminds me more of my sparkly "My Little Ponies" from days of yore. So cute!!!

Robin Hood: especially fitting if your dog’s a thief like mine…whether she stole your heart, or your dirty underwear...

Pirate pooch: Arrrrgh! Show some culture, represent Somalia this Halloween with this nifty pirate ensemble.

I will definitely be interested in your feedback, as well as any advice on how once the costume is on her-- to make sure she doesn't eat it? (This being her first Halloween, the concept might be confusing to her, and for all she knows the new outfit is her "treat"?)

Energy jerk: leaving computer on 24/7

2009-09-16T12:21:00.000-07:00

One of the articles on my nerdy MSNBC.com homepage caught my attention the other morning. (Yes, at work, my homepage is set to a respectable site, as opposed to the smut I enjoy in my free time.) “Are you an energy hogging jerk?” it asked, in big, bold letters. Intrigued,(“Hmm, am I a jerk and don’t even know it…?”) I clicked on it—and read about some interesting, everyday things that we are all probably guilty of—that are big-time energy sucks. Instead of writing a massive, epic, tome of a post right here and reviewing allll of them, I thought it might be interesting to share the items one by one, so that way I can add whatever personal insights I want to, without having to worry about getting too long and wordy. (You know how I like to include my personal anecdotes.)

So, without further ado, sign #1 that you are an Energy Consuming Jerk: leaving your computer on all the time.

Gulp.

At home and work, I am so guilty of this.( As are many of my family members and co-workers—which really doesn’t make my actions any better, and frankly just makes everything worse overall by increasing the amount of energy being wasted.) In the kitchen at my parents house, the computer is on 24/7. In my apartment, my roommates Apple is always on (can’t miss any possible incoming gmail chat IMs!). And maybe worst of all, only because its compounded by multiple people, our computers at work are almost never turned off at the end of the day. Ut oh…

“Let's face it: Booting up a computer eats time off the clock, an annoyance for everyone from deadline-pressed cubicle warriors to retirees eager to logon to the Eons social network. But that's no excuse to leave your computer up and running 24 hours a day – especially when power-saving options are built in to the machine.

Almost all computers come equipped with energy-saving sleep or standby modes, which can be set to automatically kick in when the computer is idle for awhile – say 20 minutes. Usually, a toggle of the mouse or tap on the keyboard is sufficient to snap the computer awake.
After a long nap, some computers will delve into an even-deeper energy-saving hibernation mode. But even then, the computer is still sipping electricity.

Energy experts recommend turning the computer off overnight and longish breaks in the day. Contrary to popular belief, this will not harm the computer's lifespan, noted Rogers energy-efficient jerk, noted John Rogers, a senior energy analyst with the Union of Concerned Scientists in Cambridge, Mass.”

Even though simply turning off a computer seems like such a small gesture to make, it oddly will be a significant habit to change. Yesterday afternoon when the clock struck 5pm, I took the time to close out of all my applications, and powered off my computer. At home I turned off my lap-top when I was done uploading some pics. Small gestures for sure, and yet I oddly felt better knowing that it all adds up, and it all helps...

Free People "Freecylcing" old clothes into new looks?

2009-09-14T12:48:00.000-07:00

Following in the footsteps of sister company Urban Outfitter's “Urban Renewals” line, it seems as if the whimsical/bohemian Free People may also be jumping on the transforming-old-clothes-to-make-them-cool-again band-wagon.

So, basically, yay!

I love this concept—and love being able to obtain totally unique articles of clothing, while doing some good for the environment.

Check out the revamped work shirt, that is now magically a cropped, slouchy over-shirt:

Based off the one cryptic blog posting, it seems there may be more of this to come. Fingers crossed...

Tabloid fodder food for thought: some of Drew Barrymore’s green tendencies

2009-09-11T07:43:00.000-07:00

My sister has a problem. She is majorly addicted to the weekly celebretard-filled tabloids, and cannot get enough Kristen & Rob, Brad & Angie, Jennifer Anniston & _ (insert that week’s dude here)__, Britney Spears, John & Kate + 8 + Ed Hardy, eating disorders, drug problems, infidelity, etc, etc. (Judging by the list I was just able to ramble off in .2 seconds, it seems like her problem is contagious and spreading.) Like with all addictions, she wastes countless fortunes to satisfy her cravings—I think a year’s subscription to US Weekly alone is around $150, and she has subscriptions to ALL of them.

On the bright side, she knows a lot of pop-culture shit.

On the even brighter side, she recycles. Her version of the 3 “Rs” when it comes to tabloids is as follows:

Reduce: When she’s finished reading them, she gathers them all up to reduce the massive amount of clutter she would have otherwise.
Reuse: Once gathered, she hands them all over to me. This eases her conscious a bit, in that she rationalizes that the money was better spent if multiple people get to benefit reading that week’s gossip.
Recycle: After the magazines are in my possession, she knows I’ll make sure they get disposed of properly and responsibly. So although she’s the one doling out the green... I’m the one that keeps it green.

Due to the constantly fluctuating pile of mags sitting on the chest at the foot of my bed, I always have mindless reading material on hand, which makes my daily hour long train rides back and forth to work much more palatable. It was during one of these trips that I was reading an OK Magazine (major headline was about how Angie wasn’t attracted to Brad anymore because he gained 10 pounds. Good thing I was sitting down when I read that mind-blower.) when I feasted my eyes on a juicy page filled with Kelly Green appropriate tid-bits: insight into Drew Barrymore’s life pertaining to green doggies and shopping. W00t w00t!!

Although more expensive than the $3 reusable shopping bags you can pick up at the grocery store, the proceeds from the sale of Drew’s favorite $195 beaded burlap “Feed” Masai fabric bag will actually provide enough money to feed two Kenyan school children for an entire year, through the United Nation World Feed Program. Talk about guilt-free shopping…

Drew loves dogs, and ironically—spoils her dogs rotten, healthily. Her yellow lab-chow mix Flossie loves the organic, all-natural Halo Liv-a-Littles. They have no chemicals, no preservatives or artificial flavors, and come in pink packaging. (Wonder if I’m good, if my dog would share these with me?) A lot less expensive than the “Feed” bag, these treats can be purchased for $5 at most pet stores and high-end grocery stores around you. (If you were wondering, Flossie prefers the chicken and cheese variety.)

Stay tuned, more green news inspired from trashy gossip coming your way…

Organic candy shampoo for dirty dogs

2009-09-10T08:04:00.000-07:00

Racing home from an exhausting day at work, only to find that my puppy peed and/or pooped in her crate and then played it in all day long, is not fun. (My nose usually updates me before my eyes do.) Picking up her smelly self and throwing her in the tub is a far cry from my previous after work duties of going to happy-hours and sipping cocktails. (Safe to say I severely underestimated the work required for a puppy.)

Getting my fingers all up in her hair, and sudsing the matted poop off her is pretty gross. Thank god my roommate is never around during these moments to see how quickly the white porcelain tub turns brown…. However, although I can never claim to like doing this, I do have to admit that the shampoo I selected for her smells so good — like candy— that the situation is sweetened a bit. I know its gross to admit this, but the shampoo actually smells so good that it makes me hungry and causes my mouth to water a little bit, despite my disgusting task at hand (and literally, in hand). The added plus to using this shampoo is, once she’s clean and running around like a mad-woman trying to dry herself off, her crazed antics make her a veritable moving air freshener—and the gesture is certainly appreciated as I undertake my next task of scraping and sanitizing the excrement out of her crate…

My puppy shampoo by Earthbath is made out of all natural ingredients, (the company promises that nothing bad whatsoever, for anything, is in the formula), its tear free and gentle, will not wash away any topical flea treatments, was manufactured in the USA, and is satisfaction guaranteed: if you couldn’t tell by now, I really think this is the way to go. (Comes in a variety of formulas, I’m currently hooked on the cherry scented “puppy” version. Wonder if I can even use it on myself??) The product is sold at your local PetSmart, but also is available through multiple online vendors.

Sorry for the brown streak of articles—“they” always say to write what you know, and right now, I’m majorly down with the brown. Until they come up with a safe/environmentally friendly way to do this:

you can look forward to upcoming articles such as “The many green uses for puppy pee-pads,” and “Organic dingleberry recipes”.

Biodegradable doggy doody bags

2009-09-09T09:24:00.000-07:00

I learned about cleaning up dog poo the hard way…

In preparation for an imminently arriving puppy, I began taking my mom’s spoiled rotten, house dogs out on walks. Terribly out of shape, and ornery at having their nap schedule interrupted, they were hard at first to get under control.

Once they settled down enough to take notice of the new smells and sights around them however, their inner canine natures took over and their tails started wagging as they both wore matching open-mouthed, tongue-lolling doggy grins. As they pranced along, nature again took its course, and they both intermittently relieved themselves. Prepared with an empty plastic shopping bag (at least the evil plastic bag was going to get some re-use), I picked up their still-warm feces with a grimace. Since my parents live in a woody, posh neighborhood, there are no street or community trashcans out and about. I held onto the bag of poo for the remainder of the walk, and since there was really no other choice—threw the bag into the garbage cans in the garage.

This happened on a Monday. Trash is collected on Friday. The following 4 days seemed like the hottest of the summer. That bag of poo sat in the garbage can, baking, for four days. Every time the garage door was opened, a warm burst of sewer assaulted our nostrils, and the odor was maliciously infiltrating the house through the garage door that connects to the laundry room, and into the cars that were innocently parked inside the garage. My parents didn’t know about the poop, and blamed the smell on chicken bones… afraid for the reaction my admission would create, I kept silent but deep-down felt as bad as the garage smelled. (Sorry Mom.)

Although I felt horribly guilty about using biological warfare against my loved ones, I felt torn. What else was I supposed to do? Couldn’t leave the poop, although at the time I rationalized that would be the most logical route to go—poop is biodegradable, and would dispose of itself without creating any additional waste. A plastic shopping bag was the best container I could find at the time, and I couldn’t just leave the bag filled with poop as litter on the ground? (Feel like that would totally defeat the entire purpose of “picking up after your dog”?) In retrospect, I guess I could have dumped out the bag’s contents into the toilet, and flushed the poop away. (A bag with poop remnants would have to smell better than a bag filled to capacity?) My poor family and I dealt with the results of my poopy decision for an entire week, and I learned my lesson: use bags that are meant for doggy doody duty, with green bonus points for using biodegradable versions.

After just doing some cursory research, I found a whole slew of reasons why dog poop is actually bad for the environment (who knew??) which makes it more comprehensible why cleaning it up is so imperative as to have been made a law. For instance, I think smelling dog poop is bad enough—the idea of drinking it is absolutely revolting. And yet, apparently this is happening as 20-30% of all pollutants in waterways are attributed to dog waste. Overall, it is believed dog waste is third or fourth on the list of contributors to bacteria in contaminated waters due to rainwater run-off, dogs pooping near watersheds and beaches. Ewww! (It is estimated that dog owners do not collect over 4 million tons of dog waste annually.)

If the poop has to be cleaned up (and it does,) plastic bags are a bad choice, as “plastics are the fourth highest generated waste in the U.S., originate from petroleum which is non-renewable, do not biodegrade, and take thousands of years to break down.”

Taking all of this into consideration, obviously biodegradable poopy bags are the way to go (added incentive—they even have cute little dispensers to make these look like a cute dog-walking accessory! Isn't it so cute-- the bag looks like poop coming out of the dog's behind! My goodness!) My fact source, the eloquently, subtly named PoopBags.com, explains why biodegradable bags (coincidentally, theirs in particular) are the way to go: if the bags are ASTM D6400 certified, it means the materials they use are fully tested to ensure that it will degrade at a similar rate to a freaking apple! They are made from a combination of corn and other renewable products, and biodegrade naturally when exposed to the earth’s elements and micro-organisms in the soil. Also—because of the way the bags are made, they “breathe,” which ironically makes it easier for us to do the same. The construction of the bag allows heat and moisture to escape, which reduces bacteria build-up and retards odor. (Yay!)

Since the stork has since delivered my fur baby, and I daily bear witness to how much poop comes out of such a tiny thing—this product is something I am definitely going to stock up on. Picking up poop is never going to be an enjoyable experience, but at least using biodegradable bags will make me feel like I am doing the world a good deed. (Like, 5 good deeds a day.) Since all dogs go to heaven, I hope this portends favorably for the dog's owner too?

Also, there’s a cute and inspiring background story behind PoopBags.com, and despite the current economic gloom, the American dream is alive and well. (The creator’s Vice President is Miss Cinnamon May… his dog.):

PoopBags.com! When you typed some keywords into your search engine of choice, you may have laughed when you saw the link for www.poopbags.com come up. Well, when I was walking my dog in the summer of 2003, I laughed too when I first thought about the idea...As a single guy, living in Chicago's Lincoln Park, I would always run out of the plastic grocery bags I used to pick up May's poop. As a backup, I'd use the ones from the newspaper, sandwich bags, ask my Mom to save me bags, snag some from a friend's house – it was crazy.
Then I started thinking about all these plastic bags... I looked online and started reading more and more about plastic bags in general. How they are made, how they'll never go away in my lifetime, and then I laughed to myself and said, "What if I started a company called PoopBags.com and sold biodegradable dog poop bags for a living?" Well, I challenged myself to find out.After purchasing the URL from a company in London and testing several manufacturers, with help of my Vice President of Product Testing, Miss Cinnamon May, I chose the final product that launched PoopBags.com, Inc.

Trust me, it takes awhile to get used to saying "PoopBags.com." At first, I was a bit shy in saying it as I knew the looks and reactions I would receive. Now, I look forward to it. So does the media... We've done interviews on the radio, had several articles in newspapers across the country, been featured in magazines and more. Each year we have experienced tremendous growth, but we're just getting started. The entire World is now realizing that plastic bags are simply bad for the Earth. It takes oil to make them, they sit around for over 100 years, they harm fish and wildlife, they plug drainage sewers in cities, and the list goes on.

Well, that's the story on PoopBags.com so far. We've moved from my dining room to a small warehouse, I have two employees for whom I am very grateful. So, whether you bleed Green like me, "just need some poop bags" they might as well be or you want to help a corporate guy out of those four walls, please consider a purchase from www.poopbags.com. You'll be doing the World a bit of good, one bag at a time.Thank you for your support, we truly do appreciate it.- PC-

Forrest to forests: Robin Wright Penn the Eco Mom

2009-08-07T12:24:00.000-07:00

Loved her in Forrest Gump, and knew that was having lots of dramatic ish with hubby Sean Penn, but other than that... Robin Wright Penn was mostly off my radar. Until... I saw her smiling face in the pages of my new In Style magazine (my reading matter of choice, en route to Punta Cana). She smirked at me from her corner perch, and justifiably so—as she was the host of the soiree that page was dedicated to.

The event was featured on one of those fun party pages, with lots of pictures and quotes courtesy of the highest-profile celebs in attendance. Most likely I would have stopped and read this page regardless of what the event was about or whose face was at the top of the page, but the headline “Eco Mom Alliance charity event…” especially caught my eye.

At that point I wasn’t quite sure what an “eco mom” was (although I could make some educated guesses), but I was proud to see that Jenn-ay was so involved. (Or, at least involved enough to let the organization publicize that “she” was “hosting.”) Luckily for me, In Style magazine had a preemptive star-burst that held the key to all of my questions: “For more information, go to ecomom.com”

The Eco Mom Alliance was created with the idea in mind that throughout history, when a crisis occurred women have never been afraid to step up and do whatever needed to be done in order to protect their family. In light of current environmental issues happening across the world, it was decided that women needed to take collective action NOW in order to provide the best future possible for their immediate families and children everywhere. With her childrens’ future in mind, Robin Wright Penn looked at the current situation in much the same way I do, “I get way too overwhelmed if I focus on the larger global picture. But as a mom, I can do these small things and know I’m doing something positive and protective.” I’m not a mom (yet), but I whole-heartedly agree that making a bunch of little changes can add up, and especially like the idea of wanting to do something instead of feeling helpless and doing nothing.

Through the Eco Mom website, there are different points of interest for all sorts of moms, from coupons for organic products, "green" shopping tips, to charity sites in place to offer help to problems worldwide, and instructional videos where Robin Wright Penn herself demonstrates proper composting methods.

Props to Robin Wright Penn (and her publicist) for riding high through the scandals, maintaining her dignity, and re-emerging with such positivity on to greener pastures...

For a four day work week!

2009-08-06T16:58:00.000-07:00

When I was little, I can remember older people saying all sorts of cryptic things that didn’t make sense, with one of the key offenders being the expression “youth is wasted on the young.”

At the time this was a befuddling and slightly offensive thing for someone to say. “How is youth wasted on the young?” I can remember thinking, somewhat hurt, “Weren’t you young once, too? Was that a waste also?”

Now that I’m a bit older, a tiny bit wiser, (and suddenly jealous of 18 year olds that have their whole life ahead of them— I’m 28)—I am starting to appreciate the meaning behind the expression. In short, it just is a way of lamenting how quickly life goes by…

In this vein, it has always seemed like a cruel joke that the majority of our adult lives are spent unhappily doing something other than what we want. Consider; out of the 7 days that make up a week, only 2 of those days are free to be lived however one chooses. You are told during your “prime” working years to work as hard as you can, so that you can save as much money as possible for your life after retirement—so that the period of your life when you are at your physical peak, you are slaving away to prepare for a time when your quality of life may not be so naturally easy. All of this makes it seem to me that the expression should really be something like, “youth is wasted at work.”

After being fortunate enough to schedule and experience such a thing in college, I often day-dream about how awesome it would be in the real world to have a standard work week that consisted of 4 long, hard days, with a 3 day weekend. As I have sadly accepted my “grown-up” status, this fantasy has been mentally filed away, next to the “Surprise! You’re really a princess!” fantasy file.

It goes to show that anything is possible though—as I recently caught wind of news that my idealized 4 day work week scenario was actually a reality, and happening —right now— in major cities across our great country.

Due to budget concerns, the powers that be in Salt Lake City, Utah decided to do something a little different in the hopes of achieving something drastically different. As of August 2008, all state offices have been closed every Friday, in order to cut down the utility expenses by 20%. (One day less a week that the buildings need to be run and maintained.)

As would be expected, the employees loved this. A survey conducted by Brigham Young's Lori Wadsworth found that 82 percent of employees want to keep the four-day workweek. Their pay wasn’t being affected—they were still working 40 hours a week, their previous 8 hour days were extended to 10 hour days—and now their free time was being increased exponentially with which they could exercise, spend time with their families, volunteer, and travel. Aside from improved day to day morale, the new scheduling also seemed to have a positive effect on overall employee health, with fewer instances of sick days. Because of the longer days, productivity actually increased—for instance, there were shorter waits at the DMV due to the longer hours.

Bettering the quality of life for a large group of people is a wonderful thing, but this 4 day plan was implemented for financial gain (always comes back to money), and it is estimated that the city was able to save 1.8 million dollars just from this new scheduling. Having the office buildings closed on Fridays allowed the city to save all of the money that would have gone into keeping the place operational; now there was an entire day less to provide electricity for, an entire day less that the work force needed to be commuting, causing wear and tear on the roads, and an entire day less that required cleaning/security/maintenance services. Since the employees really enjoyed their new schedule, they were doing everything they could to empower the initiative, going so far as to make sure every appliance from computer to coffee maker was unplugged before they left for their long weekends on Thursday night. While the money saved made the local government happy, it was this saving of resources that piqued the environmentalists’ curiosity, and after a year’s time, Scientific American came in to research the effects— good or bad— that this 4 day work week was having on the surrounding environment.

Although the language is nerdier than mine (in my opinion?), I’m not sure I can explain it better that the Scientific American reports:

An interim report released by the Utah state government in February projected a drop of at least 6,000 metric tons of carbon dioxide emissions annually from Friday building shutdowns. If reductions in greenhouse gases from commuting are included, the state would check the generation of at least 12,000 metric tons of CO2—the equivalent of taking about 2,300 cars off the road for one year.

And that’s just one nerdy-expert take on the situation. Aaron Newton, a frequent contributor to the GroovyGreen blog, did some different math and came out other inspiring statistics:

Approximately 106 million Americans drive to work alone each day, an average of 16 miles each way. Cutting out one workday's worth of commuting would not only lower U.S. oil imports by 5 to 10 percent, it would also prevent thousands of traffic fatalities, as well as cut down on the costs of road maintenance, since people tend to drive less on weekends. And workers would see a real income boost by saving on gas.

The 4 day work week has been going on in Utah for almost exactly a year at this point, and due to the positive outcomes shown so far, other citiess like New York and Boulder are considering trying it out themselves. (Mayor Bloomberg could nix the stupid soda tax, and save money for his city while keeping them happy.)

From my personal experience, I think this would also have positive implications for the economy from a consumer stand-point. With more free time on their hands, people would be more apt to spend money on fun things, like traveling, shopping, and all sorts of other entertainment ventures. The government could save money, positively affect the environment, make their people happier and more productive, while increasing cash flow into the economy.

Reviewing all of the facts pertaining to a 4 day work week, I can't help but wonder if I am being naive, or biased? Does my personal inclination for this prevent me from seeing the down-side? Clearly not every business could afford to adapt this new 4 day schedule, as restaurants, stores, and other service related industries would have to be open to serve the people who were now off from work, but perhaps the 4 day work weeks could just be staggered a bit (the way days off are now), and the people in those industries would take Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday off, since the majority of their clientele would be working on those days anyway.

I'm going to hold out hope that this practice will slowly but surely become a more wide-spread practice, so that we can have more freedom to enjoy more of what life has to offer.

I've got hurt feelings...

2009-08-05T17:58:00.000-07:00

I have been feeling guilty enough about my terrible lapse in blogging, but have been trying to soothe myself with rationale—between weddings, traveling, packing, moving, puppies, and jobs, I’ve barely had time to breathe let alone relax to the point where I can think (and write) about the stuff I actually enjoy. So far, this whole month has basically been one big instance of “going through it, to get to it,” or some such cliché, and it's all going by way too fast.

The clincher however, came today when I was talking to my friend Jeff. The conversation went something as follows.

Jeff: So, whats the deal, your blog consists of one entry per month now?

Me: Whatever, one entry per month might be lame, but my blog is still cooler than your blog.

Jeff, after a long pause: Barely.

Ouch...

Jeff doesn’t have a blog.

Even though I knew he was kidding, I let this marinate in my brain for a few moments and let the truth sink in—although depressing, he was kind of right, one new blog entry a month is barely better than nothing at all. My sense of guilt deepened for second... but then all of a sudden I had an epiphany, and realized that I just needed to look at things from a different perspective.

Yes-- my time has been full of all sorts of varied endeavors; weddings, traveling, apartment shopping, moving, packing, puppies, and jobs, but if I re-examine these experiences in the right way, I am sure to discover that these events are ripe with plentiful future subject matter. For instance, I discovered just today that U-Haul includes a $5 “environmental fee” with every truck rental, which goes to counteract the carbon dioxide emissions their vehicles create. Yay U-Haul!

August is gearing up to be almost as hectic as July, but with the right mind-set, I'm hopeful that the environmental aspects, trials & tribulations, and lessons learned from my many adventures will make their way here, so that the next time the topic comes up with Jeff, I can say something like, "So, have you been able to keep up with my prolific postings?" And then it won't hurt my feelings when he responds after a pause, "Barely."

Dumpster Diving

2009-07-10T11:12:00.000-07:00

These pools look so refreshing and delicious, no one would ever guess that these are really gussed up old dumpsters...

Properly disposing evidence of eating out(side)

2009-07-01T12:25:00.000-07:00

The other night was one those idyllic beautiful summer evenings; it was just the right amount of warm outside (not too hot or humid) with a deliciously teasing breeze that kept the bugs away while at the same time soothing our sun-kissed skin. To make the most of these advantageous circumstance, the fam decided to barbecue and eat outdoors. Some extra people were joining our usual group of seven, and while setting the pleasantly crowded table it was noted that there were not enough clean plates to set a place for everyone.

“So what?” my sister said. “Let’s just use plastic, and then we can just throw ‘em out when we’re done with ‘em, and have less clean-up.”

The eco-alarms in my brain started going off at full-intensity.

*****UNECESSARY*WASTE*ABOUT*TO*OCCUR*******

I started to say something in protest, and my sister, picking up on my obviously agitated body language, was quick to point out—“Kelly, they’ve already been purchased. We already have them. They’re going to get used at some point… might as well be tonight.”

My mother punctuated my sister’s statement with a look that said the argument, if it can even be called that, considering zero words left my mouth, was settled. (Apparently my family is really into non-verbal communication? At least they use something sparingly.)

Standing exactly where I was when I first caught wind of this convo, a mental montage of the future the plastic plates were going to face flashed behind my eyelids. Mental images of tons of pink plastic plates, with gobs of potato salad and baked beans still clinging to their shiny surfaces, getting shoved into a trash bag, which would eventually go and find its way to a landfill, and then sit decomposing for the next thousand years or so, all the while leaching toxins galore, and occupying precious landfill real-estate so that another one would have to created that much sooner… ugh.

This lead me down a slippery mental slope, because if my family –with an outspoken environmental police-officer on the premises (me!)—was guilty of going the easy and wasteful route when it came to outdoor dining, it hurt to think about how many other people were doing the exact same thing, and how much wasted waste was being created. The thought process was scaring me more than this place.

As I sat at the table and proudly ate off my china plate (only plastic for this girl is an AmEx), I sadly tried to trouble-shoot the scenario, and figure out alternative, more eco-viable solutions, before it dawned on me: there already are freaking tons of better options in place for these sorts of scenarios.

1. Paper plates. Hello Green family! *News Flash* These are probably cheaper than plastic, and won’t irk me (or Mother Nature) nearly as much due their organic origins and quicker disintegration time.

2. Reusable plastic plates. Also super cheap, and available at every retail vendor imaginable during the summer months. (Seriously, you don’t just have to go to a place that would generally sell table-ware, over the summer you can find cheap plastic plates at hardware stores, drugstores, supermarkets, Victoria’s Secret*… ) For example, Walmart is currently selling a 38 piece dishwasher safe set for $19, which breaks down to 50 cents apiece-- for dinnerware you can use over and over indefinitely.

3. Regular plates. I mean, when did the old fashioned, rustic activity of grilling meat become so fancy so as to require its own set of dinnerware? A table outdoors that was set the same way as it would be indoors would be visually pleasing, while leading to no unnecessary waste, saving money by not purchasing alternate plates, and helping to keep an American past-time in its proper pure perspective.

4. The combination of 1,2, and 3 in one plate: OneHundredDegree’s reusable plastic plates that look like the throw-away paper variety. Not the cheapest route to go ($16 for set of 4), but they are cute, kitschy, and eco-tastic. These plates look like ye olde picnic paper plates we fondly recall from our childhoods—but, surprise! They’re really sturdy melamine in disguise! Machine washable, long-lasting, and outdoor eating inspired, these also fit the bill for replacing throw-away plastic plates.

In defense of my sister, she was right—the plastic plates in our house had obviously already been purchased, and were bound to be used at some point. The mistake occurred long ago, wherever and whenever the original point of purchase transpired. After sitting down and reviewing these fool-proof alternatives with her, hopefully my family (and yours too!) will not make such a silly dinner blunder again.

*Just kidding with this one, although they don’t sell plates, you can absolutely go here to purchase as many plasticized cups as you want. (Get it? You know how you can tell when a joke’s funny? When you have to use asterisks and parentheses to explain how funny it is.)

Conservation Win

2009-06-10T13:23:00.000-07:00

While bored this afternoon, I was killing some time perusing my favorite online sites, and came across this-- which tickled me so much I HAD to share with you:

Super witty use of billboard space to get a message across.

Thirsting for more?

2009-06-04T12:20:00.000-07:00

Reusable water bottles have become quite the trendy accessory.

Although I have thus far been quite satisfied using my huge Wawa plastic bottles over and over again until they all but disintegrate in my mouth, it has recently been brought to my attention that this might not be the best route to go. Be damned all of you conspiracy seekers, (I’m not partial, and am including all those that think chemicals are leeching into my water from the plastic, and those that try relaying scare tactics about mold growing in my H20, etc.) my new open-mindedness to drinking-bottle alternatives comes from several unlikely sources and not from anyones nay-saying. Instead, the credit for breaking through my Wawa stubborness belongs to OK! magazine, coupled with copious amounts of online shopping.

It seems that the overall awesomeness of Siggs aluminum bottles can be neither denied, nor ignored. I have read about these bottles time, and time again. It seems we were meant to be together… and who am I to deny destiny?

I have seen them on the most random internet sites ever, and can’t help but notice their plentiful mentions in magazine genres of all kinds. (Wowza, Siggs PR team deserves a raise!) Apparently their absolute market infiltration is working, because— lo and behold—none other than Siggs aluminum bottles popped into my brain today after I noticed the sad state of my trusty old Wawa bottle...

Originally purchased in late December 2008, it has certainly fulfilled its thirst quenching duties. Over the past six months, we have experienced a lot together; and hitting the bottle has gotten me through a lot of tough times, and I've come to rely on its constant “half full” mentality. However, I can’t help but notice that its once proud and crisp blue label is now starting to peel off, and like skin on bones, the label is all wrinkled up against the plastic ridges of the bottle beneath. The sides of the bottle bend inward at my slightest touch, and the mouth-opening has layer upon layer of sparkley Chapstick build-up. Always standing tall and resolute, day after day, on my desk, it has never left me high and dry—and yet, deep down I know it’s time to give this poor bottle a break, and send it to be reincarnated at the big recycling factory in the sky.

I was sadly dwelling upon my Wawa bottle (I feel like the “sad” can be applied in numerous ways?), that I started to consider perhaps investing in a more permanent, hardy type of water bottle — because, even if I only buy 2 plastic water bottles a year, that is 2 empty water bottles that could have been prevented. Then, like the good girl that I am, I started to wonder, WWJD? Literally. Except, I’m Jewish, so my “wwjd” was “what would Jake Gyllenhaal do” in a situation like this? Super weird, I know, and yet for some reason his face is linked in my brain to Siggs bottles?

So, bored at work per usual, I decided to do a little Siggs research and was intrigued by my findings. Which is obviously why you’re reading about it now.

Once upon a time, in the year 1908, a Swedish entrepreneur named Ferdinand Sigg decided that aluminum was the "material of the future". Completely committed to the success of his favored metal, he started making all sorts of household materials with it; pots, pans, bottles, you name it-- he tried it in aluminum. His fellow Swedes dug the aluminum, and his aluminum company grew by leaps and bounds. To this day, the name "Siggs" is still famous in Europe.

A few years ago, some investors bought the company and changed the direction of it, now focusing solely on the bottle design, and trying to infiltrate the brand into the United States.

The benefits of aluminum drinking bottles hopefully made this an easier venture than naught, as apparently using aluminum for drinking bottles has every advantage you’d want. The material is extremely resistant to mold and bacteria, and is non-porous so that nothing you ever have in the bottle will affect the flavor the next thing you have in there. Siggs bottles exceed the FDA’s regulations on chemical leaching with 0.0% leaching occurring, and the insides of the bottle are baked in a way so that they will never chip or break into your drink. For added street creds on top of everything else, Siggs bottles are also considered the “world’s toughest water bottle” by Backpacker magazine. They hold 1 Liter of water, and cost approximately $25, which is not bad on either count. As mentioned, they are very durable, and in order to keep them clean you can wash them out with soap and hot water, or if you’re the OCD type that needs to disinfect every nook and cranny-- there are cleaning brushes available. All is well that ends well, and a happy ending is ensured with Siggs too, as they are 100% recyclable should ever decide you don’t want an awesome water bottle on hand.

And, I saved the best part for last. The reason that so many trendy LA and New York celebs and hipsters tote these bottles around is not only because they want the world to see how “green” and trendy they are, but also because they are superly cute! Aside from solid colors and geometric patterns, they have famous brands, like Airwalk, Hello Kitty, Sponge Bob, etc., come in and do their thang all over a bunch of bottles. There are bottles decorated in yoga inspired designs, Anthropologie looking vintage designs, hippie tye-dyes, and really, something for every aesthetic taste.

The designs of these bottles are not just geared towards chicks either, dudes dig them too—and both GQ and Stuff magazine have given them shout-outs before. (I’m sure it doesn’t hurt their popularity amongst the gents that they offer a selection of flasks as well.)

Now my problem is, which design do I like the best?? And, do you want to come to the memorial service I will be having for my ever faithful Wawa Bottle? (Please circle yes or no, and rsvp asap, recyclables go out Friday morning.)

Yes No Maybe

Kelly loves green roofies

2009-06-02T16:33:00.000-07:00

When I was a little girl, in a pre-Stephenie Meyers and J.K. Rowling literary environment, I loved, loved, loved Laura Ingalls Wilder and all of the books in her “Little House on the Prairie” series. It’s strange in contrast to today’s popular children series, but somehow the old-fashioned, hands-on adventures that the Ingalls girls had were every bit as magical and imagination capturing as the exploits of Harry Potter, Bella, and Edward.

I devoured those “Little House” books a long time ago, and although details from each book are a bit hazy and blurred together in my mind now, (note to self—rereading these books could make excellent beach fare?) I can still vividly recall the mental images I concocted during the time when the entire family dug out the insides of a hill, and made it their home. (Frustratingly, I can’t even remember which book this occurred in??) My faulty memory fondly recalls that on one side of the hill they installed a glass window, and on the side of the hill, they installed one of those doors where the top and bottom can open independently of each other, so they could air it out when it was nice outside. This little hole in the hill home was described (or at least, this is how I remember it) as being so discreet, that unless you knew the home was in there, it was quite possible to pass by that hill and have no idea an entire family lived inside. (Additional non-sequitur to self—house in hill would be great in case of zombie outbreak.)

At age 9, the idea of making a livable habitat in the dirt was so cool that I would have traded (in a heartbeat) my air-conditioned, indoor-plumbing, electricity powered, 5-bedroom home to have instead lived in that hillside domicile with the Ingalls.

Now that I’m a bit more grown-up, and more jaded/ spoiled/realistic, I can fully appreciate the modern luxuries of home—and rustic hillside dwelling does not seem like the sparkling, shiny idea that it once was. However, thanks to very creative and practical green thinking, it is now possible to enjoy all of the modern-day conveniences while allowing nature to be part and parcel of your house-- with a “living roof”.

Basically, a “living roof” is when there is purposely plant life thriving on top of a building. There is a wide spectrum of “living roofs”, ranging from little garden roofs, to things like this:

Besides an immense love for all things “Little House on the Prairie,” there are a ton of benefits to going “green” roof side.

The soil and vegetation provide great insulation; and can save a lot of heating and cooling energy. In the winter, these roofs absorb the heat from the sun and help keep the buildings they are on top of warmer. In the summer the living roof again provides better insulation and keeps the cool air inside, while the roof itself remains cooler than a regular roof, all the while creating shade.

By creating extra landscape, a living roof provides more living space for all sorts of creatures. Especially beneficial in congested urban areas, these roofs provide easy places for people to enjoy time outdoors. Local wildlife benefits also; as birds, squirrels, etc., will have new places to explore and thrive in.

From a more practical (i.e. boy) standpoint, you get more bang for your buck with a living roof too, as they last longer than regular roofs. A living roof blocks UV rays, and prevents extreme surface temperature fluctuations, which are main causes for regular roofing materials to deteriorate.

Living roofs also improve the local air quality, as the increase in plant life purifies the air better by absorbing more pollutants from cars, pollen, and dust. Also, because the soil can retain 65-100% of rainwater, some floodings can be prevented by the decrease of local water saturation.

Last, but least, they look so cool-- imagine having a permanent vase of flowers decorating the top of your house? It would give you a visual kick-start every time you looked at it. Since this is kind of a newish practice, green roofing companies are still playing around with which plant varieties work the best for roof purposes, but some people have successfully grown huge Christmas trees on their houses, and some people have successfully had prosperous vegetable gardens growing on their roofs. (Love that idea—so, so green!) Also, since the idea of making use of a roof is now open for interpretation, people are thinking of all sorts of ways to make the most of the space. Some innovators are incorporating solar panels into their living roofs, and people are really thinking outside the box (house?) in order to maximize that once wasted space's green potential. To that I say, kudos!

Happily, this trend is catching on, and respected, well-funded universities such as Penn State, North Carolina State, and Michigan State are all doing substantial research on green roofing, and are in the midst of incorporating large scale green roofs throughout their campuses. Penn State already has multiple buildings with green roofs, and has many more planned for the future in order to coincide with their goal to “green” the campus-- such as the building pictured, which is fittingly to be their new Center for Green Roof Research.

With all of this green, living roof activity going on, it could be open for interpretation when someone says they can't wait to hear the pitter patter of little feet heard from above…

Getting textual

2009-05-29T12:47:00.001-07:00

For those times you don’t practice safe text…

Its so elegant and so amazing an idea, I am kicking myself that I didn’t think of it first. Texts from last night is a blog where anyone can post the funny texts they received the evening before, thereby recycling the ridiculous things that occurred amongst their friends.

Some are illicit, some are silly, some strike a little too close to home, and all will make you feel better about yourself.

It's an easy enough process --not that I've ever *cough cough* submitted anything-- all you do is email the text you want to submit, with the first three digits of your area code. If it passes the webmaster’s standards, the text is displayed for all to see—only identifiable by the area code before it.

A sampling:

(201): she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.

(563): I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.

(510): he said he didn't have a condom.
(415): and you said?
(510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

(301): Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?

(203): my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me

Really, it such a good site, and can kind of be considered “green” since its recycling something, right? It was hard to only showcase a few, so here are some more for your viewing pleasure:

(219): Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.

(813): This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.

Until they figure out how to install breathalyzers into cell-phones which will %100 prevent these sorts of literary gems, you can enjoy the whole TFLN (that’s how the in-the-know people refer to it) in-box, and lol, rotf, and enjoy all other sorts of abbreviated reactions. :)

Also, friends seem to really like it when you paste and copy choice postings onto their Facebook walls? ;)

Blame it on the rain?

2009-05-28T11:55:00.000-07:00

No.
Blame it on Forks? Oh, I do.

Ever since getting completely consumed in the Twilight series (which I had initially completely dismissed as cheesy tween lit), the rain (which I used to loathe,) now holds a certain romantic and Gothic appeal that makes my EMO heart ache in the best way possible...

It used to be that when I looked at the window and saw rain, I was bummed. (I have naturally curly hair that I try to fool everyone into thinking is naturally straight.)

Now when I see the once dreaded precipitation I sigh, and wistfully think of the rain, mists, and clouds that were always present in the little town of Forks, making itself so conducive to a vampire habitat... Mental images of Edward, Bella, Jacob, and shirtless werewolf boys flash through my mind, and suddenly—the rain doesn’t seem so bad. (And my hair isn't even a concern.) Thanks Stephenie.

To go along with my new sunny attitude towards the rain, there is awesome “green” rain gear that enables anyone to get through the cloudy days both stylishly, dry, and environmentally conscious.

Enter Radley, one of the biggest handbag designers in the UK. Their moto is to make beautiful things that women fall in love with, and with their enivornmental concern I'd venture to say that Mother Nature might just count as one of their biggest fans.

Branching off from their handbag mainstay, they have started to develop eco-friendly accessories such as umbrellas and reusable shopping bags. They have developed a way to recycle plastic water bottles into adorable umbrellas, and there’s a certain irony to the whole idea that I love-- what was once used to keep water on the inside is now used to keep water on the outside. (The reusable bags are really cute too, but my Twilight slant focuses on the rain story.)

With a cheerful Radley umbrella in hand, I can only hope that I look as cute as Bella did in her big green rubber rain boots and yellow rain jacket, and that secretly, somewhere, a vampire is falling in love with me...

The dark side to online shopping

2009-05-14T10:00:00.000-07:00

A few years ago when I was working on creating new advertising ideas for Comcast, I had my heart set on a whole “green” themed campaign. I was so psyched for it, and although I now forget whatever witty headlines I had came up, the gist of the campaign would be that with Comcast’s services, a family could live a full life without necessarily leaving their house, thereby drastically cutting back their gas usage and CO2 emissions caused from driving all over.

My reasoning was that with the fancy cable package du jour, you could have all sorts of unique experiences in the comfort of your own living room. The phone package would enable you to “visit” with friends and family across the country whenever you wanted, and the Internet connection (amongst other benefits) could allow you to shop away to your heart’s content while remaining in your pj’s and avoiding all annoying sales associates. To me, the idea that individual people could significantly reduce their carbon foot-print by cutting back on their amount of required driving was crux to helping better the environment. Every little bit does help, but oh, how naïve I was…

True—a phone call to California is less demanding on all resources than a plan ride there, and a Miley concert viewed OnDemand is easier to palate than a real life concert (kids are happy, parents can avoid tween nightmares by secluding themselves in another room), but through further consideration it became clear to me that online shopping is absolutely no gift to the environment.

It made me feel a little bit better to know that I was not the only one previously duped by the “green” online shopping mirage. "Consumers aren't used to thinking about e-commerce having any environmental impact," H. Scott Matthews, the research director of Carnegie Mellon's Green Design Initiative says. "When people buy things online, they're not necessarily thinking about what's happening; it's almost like the item is being teleported from the warehouse to their doorstep. The fact that you aren't going to the store doesn't mean there's no environmental impact. In some cases, it's much worse."

The dark side of online shopping was recently rubbed in my face so painfully it makes me cringe just thinking about it.

A few months ago, it was decided that my sister was going to have a summer destination wedding. In preparation, she went hog-wild buying bikinis for her honeymoon online at Victoria’s Secret. Since bathing suits are tricky when it comes to fit, her plan of attack was to just buy every bathing suit that she liked-- and then send back whatever didn't fit.

Once the order was placed, (some $700 later,) she began receiving notifications that some of the pieces were back-ordered and wouldn’t come for another few weeks. Since the wedding was months away at that point, a few weeks didn’t matter to her and she didn’t really think anything more of it.

Until... the packages started arriving. At first it was exciting to get packages, a top one day, a pair of bottoms two days later. However, the excitement quickly transitioned into annoyance when it became obvious that her order had been splintered up into oblivion, with the poor UPS man being forced to make unknown amounts of trips down our driveway to drop off her bikini bits and pieces.

A month later, she is still receiving forgotten parcels here and there.

The inefficiency and waste that occurred with this drove me nuts, and made me start to think about online shopping in a much grander scheme. Things that we buy do not just magically appear at our doors-- a lot of stuff goes on behind the scenes that we don’t even know or think about, which are in turn responsible for creating a ton of waste and pollution. Maybe shopping at a brick and mortar store is better?

The alleged beauty of online shopping, from an environmental perspective, is that it is supposed to be super efficient. Instead of separate cars driving back and forth to do individual household shopping, one UPS truck with a well-planned delivery schedule can drop off dozens of packages along its one daily route. Obviously, if deliveries go according to this plan a lot of things are happily reduced; like fuel, time, and pollution. Unfortunately, life is not like a delivery van, and does not always follow its desired course-- as witnessed with my sister and her 1 order that came in 20 separate pieces.

In addition to the pollution created by all modes of shipping transportation, (and I’m not even going to fully delve into the effects of airplane pollution, as there are so many variables to consider, but for brevity’s sake-- the pollution caused by airplanes for shipping purposes totally negates any environmental good the most perfect of perfect perfect delivery van system might produce.) there is also the waste that is produced from the accumulated packaging materials that are required for shipping. The added weight of the packaging adds up, and thus requires inflated gas needs for transportation, in order to ultimately end up in a trash-can after reaching its final destination. In the end, my sister could have covered more of her body with Victoria Secret packaging than Victoria Secret swim-wear.

Obviously, this entire online shopping ordeal would be a lot better if everything had come all at once—one trip to our house, one box for everything. However, considering the diaspora of a delivery situation that arose, Mother Nature would have been far better off had my sister just gone to the good old fashioned mall.

In an ideal world, online shopping, where one person essentially delivers the goods, is better than droves of people driving all around. In a realistic world, buying in bulk, walking (if you can), and carrying reusable bags are all good ways to green up your shopping. Save the online shopping for the really important things in life, like killer Jimmy Choos on eBay.

Oh shit! TP is bringing the environmental apocalypse?!

2009-05-12T17:35:00.000-07:00

I am a staunch believer of keeping it green in the bathroom.

Consider:

• When my sisters brush their teeth with the tap water going full-force, I yell at them. (“Were you planning on taking a minty bath in the basin when you’re done?”)

• When there are all kinds of empty plastic bottles in the bathroom trashcan, I suck up my pride, hold my nose, and dig them out so that they can be recycled properly. (Certain weeks of the month are scarier than others.)

• When it comes to hair-styling, I let my hair air-dry as much as possible before I use my electrically efficient hair-dryer to put on the finishing touches.

Basically, when it comes to bathroom environmental etiquette, I am no slouch. And yet, I recently heard terrible news about something so integral to the bathroom, that it almost made me have to go to the bathroom. An esteemed scientist is going across the country, spreading his research about the latest environmental catastrophe American’s are unknowingly committing…

Allen Hershkowitz, the lead scientist at the Natural Resources Defense Council, published an article with the New York Times detailing his research that proves beyond a doubt that America’s demand for soft toilet paper is destroying the world’s rain forests, and thus causing the end of the world. For example, he believes that “people just don’t understand that softness equals ecological destruction.”

And ah… the media does love their fear mongering, and once introduced they happily romanced the shit out of this story like only the current media could. After processing the information in Hershkowitz’s article, the bastardized love-children equivalent of articles abounded with titles such as these:

“It's [toilet paper] As Bad For Planet As Hummers, Groups Say”
“America's Love Affair with Really Soft Toilet Paper Is Causing an Environmental Catastrophe”

Really?

Snippets from these articles include fear-inducing delicacies such as:
“The tenderness of the delicate American buttock is causing more environmental devastation than the country's love of gas-guzzling cars, fast food or McMansions, according to green campaigners. At fault, they say, is the US public's insistence on extra-soft, quilted and multi-ply products when they use the bathroom.”

Hershkowitz’s story goes like this: only the fibres of virgin trees can be used to achieve the softness of paper that American’s crave-- recycled fibres just cannot be made to feel the same way. Because of this, evil toilet paper companies are going crazy trying to keep up with everyday toilet paper demands, and therefore deforestation is running rampant. Tree holocausts are happening left and right in order to satisfy American’s greedy bowel needs. The media would like you to believe that entire forests are being wiped out (ha), and innocent 300 year old trees that never hurt nobody, are being hacked up for doody duty.

To this affect, Hershkowitz is not asking for that much; he just wants your soul. Just kidding, he really just wants you to suck it up and wipe yourself with the scratchy, recycled stuff. "This is a product that we use for less than three seconds and the ecological consequences of manufacturing it from trees is enormous," he says. (I can’t help it, every quote I read of his, I am imagining an illustrated South Park scientist vehemently saying, arms waving all around to show the seriousness, with the letter “s” slightly lisped and strong emphasis on action words.)

It’s amusing (and by amusing, I really mean depressing) that so many trusted media outlets picked up this story and ran with it, without doing any real homework on the topic.

The idea that my fiber-intake was part and parcel to the decimation of forests and CO2 gas overloads really upset me-- enough so that I felt inclined to take 5 minutes out of my day to quickly Google the topic. To my utmost relief, by doing this I was able to to find intelligent arguments that sufficiently quelled my TP blues.

So, here's the truth behind the latest fake environment scare.

People that cut down trees for paper are doing it for business purposes. Part of running a successful business means making maximizing resources, and minimizing unnecessary waste.

To that point, when a North American tree is cut down, not one twig, branch, or piece of bark goes unused. The best pieces are used for home-building or furniture, of which there is the largest demand. Paper, including toilet paper, is made from the sawdust and chips that are left over from sawmilling. The left-over bits that are not suitable for paper (such as bark and super fine sawdust), are burned to make energy for the sawmill and dry out the lumber. In the end, absolutely 100% of the tree is used.

As soon as a tree has been cut down, a new tree is planted. This is a business after all, and in order to run a business new materials have to constantly be available. Although damage was done to North American forests during the Industrial Age, foresters have since realized the error of their ways, and are now very conscientious (and intelligent) about repopulating their wood supplies. To wit, there are more trees currently in the US than there were 100 years ago. Interestingly, over that same time period, the U.S. population has more than tripled. That’s a lot more bottoms needing toilet paper, and yet — no deforestation.

People like Hershkowitz, who claim to be environmentalists and yet make big stinks (again, ha) about fake eco-nonsense, do much more harm for their “cause” than good. The beneficial role of forestry is made clear by the fact that the countries that have stable or growing forest area are the ones that use the most wood; as is the case for North America, Europe, Australia, New Zealand, and Japan.

In an attempt to scare everybody, the media and propaganda spreading activists have tried to manipulate the public into thinking that when we use wood we are destroying forests, when in fact the exact opposite is the truth: the purchase of wood products sends a signal to plant more trees, and produce more wood.

The International Panel on Climate Change and the Kyoto Climate Treaty specifically recognize that forest management plays a positive role in absorbing CO2 and preventing its release in the first place. It is stunning that Allen Hershkowitz, senior scientist for the NRDC, seems to be unaware of this.

Wood is far and away the most abundant renewable material on earth. It is scary (and by scary, I again mean depressing) to think that so many “environmentalists” are campaigning against forestry, when the alternative building materials are concrete, steel, plastic and more use of fossil fuels.

Of course we should (and do) recycle paper that is suitable for recycling, and we already do this for newspapers, cardboard for packaging, and printing paper. For toilet paper though, come on, get off our backs and leave our butts alone.

BJ’s: the source for loads so big, it’s hard to swallow

2009-05-11T18:58:00.000-07:00

Always in the mood for BJs

Whenever I find myself with some time to kill, whether (weather?) it be a rainy evening, or a fun day Sunday, my go-to easiest, most satisfying, green option is always the same: BJ’s.

Hold on though (perv)-- before your questionable thought process goes down (no pun intended) the that's-what-she-said path (it's a slippery slope, I know), I'm not talking about Bill Clinton’s favorite past-time. Instead, when I say whole-heartedly that I LOVE BJ’s, I am referring to the bulk warehouse wonderstore that is BJ's Wholesale.

If you have not heard of BJ's, perhaps you've heard of Costco? If you have not heard of either, perhaps you have been living under a rock? BJ's and Costco are stores that, for a low yearly membership fee, sell bulk amounts of your favorite every day necessities. Basically, and I am not exaggerating—if you can think it, they probably sell it; in bulk, and cheap. (Prescription druges, fresh and frozen foods, DVDs, cards, pet supplies, electronics, Fendi purses, engagement rings... you name it.) Think CVS meets Superfresh meets Best Buy meets eBay, supersized and with an order of fries. That's BJ's.

BJs? That’s my favorite!

BJ's has been a wonder to me ever since my first trip there about four years ago. I was just a young, impressionable twenty year old, and the large warehouse seemed like some sort of playground with its vast aisles stacked to the soaring ceiling with oversized items.

BJs Expert

During my most recent trip, I stocked up on a two month's supply of toothpaste, deodorant (even though I naturally smell like roses), face soap, razor blades, kitty litter and kitty food (hey, times are rough), cereal, frozen vegetables and chicken, and a handful of delicious perishable foods including peppers, spinach, milk, deli meats and sushi. (I even found three simple white tank tops for $10!) With my over-sized shopping cart all but over-flowing with newly bought goodies, the total on my receipt came to a cool $90. I love things that are great, I love things that are buys, and this is one reason I love BJ's; as it combines two of my most favorite things with innumerable great buys.

Get a load of from BJ’s

Buying your usual household necessities at stores like BJ’s has many redeeming green qualities. For starters, stocking up on the things you need saves you numerous trips to the store, which will add up to a lot of conserved gas and time. And, since you know there are certain things you'll always need -- laundry detergent, shampoo and conditioner, paper towels, lotion, you get the drift-- you can't really have too much of these things around since they don't tend to go bad. In one trip to BJ's you can buy a bottle of shampoo big enough for Paul Bunyon (and his Babe, too) that will last throughout the sweaty lumberjacking summer months!

Another way BJ's shows their green side is by disposing of the idea of using plastic bags. (Just think of how wasteful it would be to bag each oversized item in an equally oversized plastic bag!) They simply load up your cart without the earth un-friendly plastic bags and send you on your merry (fully stocked) way.

BJ's has been making even more efforts to be eco-friendly and energy efficient. You might ask, "what about all the cardboard from the packaging, and all the cardboard they use to box the products in the warehouse?" They recycle it! BJ's website explains how the company recycles a huge portion of the cardboard used in the warehouse, along with reducing the lighting in the warehouse up to as much as 50% in the summer, and they are even switching to LED lights in some areas of the stores. The company is even tapping into natural energy by installing solar panels on the roofs of some of their warehouses and using skylights to decrease the need for in-store lighting.

Are you as in love with BJ's as I am, yet?!

I mean, who doesn't like getting more for less? While saving money and gas? Not to mention that shopping is always fun, and, if you're like me and don't mind letting loose sometimes, careening down aisles of economy-sized products with both feet on your shopping cart is an added bonus. (Weeee!)

So anyway, now you know why I love BJs so much. If you get a chance, please feel free to share with my neighbors? (They always give me funny looks when I’m done screaming this sentiment off the rooftop of my building after a particularly successful shopping trip. Right, like I’m the weird one?)

GreEn-bay

2009-04-08T10:36:00.000-07:00

eBay's all about the green: http://www.ebaygreenteam.com/

Tales from home shopping...

2009-04-03T16:03:00.000-07:00

One early Sunday afternoon, as I lay in bed trying to recuperate from a crazzzy Bachelorette party that had occurred the evening before, I was flipping through the tv channels trying to find something good to fall asleep to. “Sleep timer” is a beautiful thing. Usually Sunday afternoons are rife with good, old movies and sitcoms from the 90’s and 80’s that you’d completely forgotten about. (For example, “Overboard” and “3rd Rock From the Sun” are two favorite newly rediscovered oldies but goodies.) However, this particular Sunday-- there was nothin’.

I thought maybe my timing was off, and if I just waited a few minutes and flipped through again, some of the channels that had previously been playing commercials would miraculously be back to the real, awesome programming? "Clueless" or "Bring It On," per chance?

So, I hopefully mustered up the strength to do a second channel run-through, but I wasn’t having any better luck...

Until…I got side-tracked by a smiling model having her shiny model hair fluffed and styled by a funny little man as she sat all resplendent-like in a salon chair. He was spraying stuff, scrunching stuff, and explaining stuff as he went along—and, her hair actually looked really good! Then they flashed her “before” picture, and the flat straight “before” hair was no competition for the glorious, voluminous coif she was sporting now. As this man worked his way down a line of model’s heads (that sounds so pervy), he transformed all of their average mall-do’s into locks worthy of Jennifer Aniston. I was completely and utterly hooked.

Seriously. I was so into the awesome hair makeovers that I was watching, that I was mildly shocked the next time I glanced at my clock and realized my designated napping time had long passed. Foiled! And by the unlikeliest of foes… well played QVC. Well played, indeed.

It turned out that this man, Denis Simioni, has been dubbed the Indiana Jones of beauty products, due to the unusual way he discovered and created his magnificent, Earth friendly Ojon line.

After getting wind that there was a certain, rare type of tree that grew deep in the rain forests, that was capable of producing an incredibly rich form of moisturizing oil, Denis chartered a small plane to fly him over the suspected area to see if he could aerially locate the source. Upon landing the plane, and hiking through the forests for hours, he stumbled into the villages of the Tawira, a tribe of South American Indians that have lived deep in the rain forests for at least five centuries. A friendly people, they were happy to show him their native Ojon tree, and share with him the methods for extracting the oil from it’s nuts.

Loaded with ideas, Denis spent the next three years developing and perfecting his line of hair, skin, and beauty products. First things first, he established an exclusive arrangement with the Tawira, so that his company was the only one allowed to profit from the Ojon trees. Then, he set up methods to extract the oil, in the least harmful way possible. For example, he brought in ovens to heat up the mixtures, so that trees wouldn’t have to be destroyed for fires. Ojon also limits the size of the annual harvests in order to protect the natural resources, and to ensure that authentic Ojon continues to be harvested and extracted by hand in the traditional way as a guarantee of purity and effectiveness.

The Tawira tribes are consulted on all aspects of the business — from product development to marketing. (Also smart from a marketing stand-point: limited supply = increased demand.) In cooperation with the Tawira, he developed a corporate partnership involving thousands of Tawira families. A portion of all profits from the sale of Ojon products goes directly to the Tawira Indian tribes, and the money is used to help preserve their traditional lifestyle and the region's rain forests, while setting up medical and educational facilities for the villagers. Ojon is not just taking from the land, but giving back as much as they considerately take.

I feel like this is the ultimate testament to the selling power of QVC and Ojon combined: after watching Ojon in action, and hearing the spiel, I actually went out to Sephora and bought the line. This is noteworthy because there are a lot of products I think sound cool, but only a small fraction of which that are actually purchased.

And, I was a completely happy and satisfied customer. The Ojon products smell soo good (as anyone around me can attest-- not because the perfume is that strong, but because I shove my hair in their face and say, “doesn’t my hair smell amazing!?” The smell is subtle—I however am not.) My hair seems to air dry nicer, blow-dry easier, and it feels so silky and soft.

So, if TV does rot your brain, at the very least the stuff growing out of mine is being well-nourished…

For Your Info(mercial)

2009-04-01T17:49:00.000-07:00

Infomercials are right up there with football games when it comes to my choice of most dreaded television programming.

Blah blah blah blah blah with bright lights and endings that never seem to arrive.

Both are punctuated by annoying, overly opinionated commentators, and I find both so irritatingly boring that I am physically unable to watch either without flipping my bitch switch-- which subsequently results in the channel being switched too.

But, there’s always that one exception to the rule, right?

The exception to my TV viewing standards was not made for football. (Nor does football even have the remotest chance of ever being able to capture my fickle attention. Sorry football. Well… (just because sometimes I like being argumentative, even when it’s with myself,) the ONLY exception I can think of for this scenario would be if I was married to Tom Brady. If it was MY hot husband out there, I could probably be interested in what he was doing out there, and maybe even interested enough to learn what the dumb game is even about? But, seeing as he recently got hitched to Gisele, whom seems as cool as she is gorgeous— I don’t foresee that scenario playing out anytime soon.) Instead, the TV bain-of-my-existence that finally melted through my cold, cold heart was the infomercial featuring the smart-alec charm of the guy showcasing the mystifying and possibly magical absorbency of the ShamWow! (I mean, it was made in Germany, so you pretty much know it HAS to be good, right? Because- like, all things from Germany have a certain level of intrinsic clout; ah-bviously you’ve heard of, um, Pretzels, before? How ‘bout Hitler? Indeed, both serve as excellent examples of Germany’s contributions to society, and these days the ShamWow gets to haughtily join their ranks.)

Anyway, maybe because it has damn near mystical powers, or maybe because it’s only about 30 seconds long—by the time I’d seen that commercial for the 100th time I was ready to order, and let’s just say that ShamWows make great stocking stuffers… especially for people you hope will be doing some cleaning for you in the near future.

Even though I was convinced that I wanted to buy a bunch of ShamWows, I still felt like a big loser as I punched my credit card information into the computer. I realized I was experiencing another milestone of adulthood—I was now a person who bought things from infomercials.

(So, this is totally NOT where I had intended this post to go when I started writing, but works out nicely— because now— I have fodder for another related post, where hopefully I’ll be brave enough to relay the story of the time I was caught in a web of QVC trickery and spent almost two hours mesmerized by the “before and after” images created by beauty products only witchdoctors deep in the rainforest could concoct, or something. Guess you’ll just have to wait and see about that one…)

In light of cutting down everyday household waste, a ShamWow is a freaking amazing invention. And, sorry —I'm assuming everyone knows what a ShamWow is, but in case you don't, here;s the ShamWow 411: It's like a mutant freak of a paper towel. It's small, soft and pliable, soaks up liquids like a wet dream, and is sturdy enough to go through the washing machine. In fact, it is purported to be strong enough to last for 10 years, and comes with a warranty to prove it. Truly, with a gaurentee like that, the capabilities of a ShamWow would be a terrible thing to waste.

I'm a person that reuses my ziploc bags until they fall apart, just to cut down on the trash I generate. Being able to reuse one thing over and over for the span of 10 years, and significantly reduce the paper used for cleaning and drying purposes, is amazing! No more big, bulky packages of paper towels, I've got my ShamWow. It will have me saying "WOW!" everytime. I'm sure my family members will really appreciate my noisy enthusiasm, especially if it involves cleaning.

Now, ShamWow guy, can you please put in a suggestion to the German powers that be? Help the world cut out even more paper consumption — please get to work developing reusable toilet paper? A possible product name, just off the top of my head to help with the endeavor (your welcome, Germany): ShamPoo!

Paper Chasing

2009-03-30T15:26:00.000-07:00

Granted I kind of live in a bubble, but for me, Slumdog Millionaire seemed to be the beginning of an Indian infiltration into the American culture. If you tune in to any “pop” radio channel, Bollywood remixes are being repeatedly played, Frieda Pinto-- the beautiful female lead of Slumdog-- is said to be in talks to star as the next Bond girl, and now the Indian culture has even made its way onto little ol’ Kelly Green’s blog. I love this, and am happy for the opportunity to be exposed to some new, previously unknown (for me, anyway) cultural diversity.

Since this is written, I can incorporate any special effects I want. For instance, I’m rewinding time to go back one week:

While sitting on a train going to New York City, I was killing time (see, time is my bitch in this word world) by restlessly thumbing through that week’s trashy tabloid. After having read about Rhianna’a alleged pregnancy and Jen & John latest drama, I stopped on a page of green “must have” accessories. Sure, the certified oak “iWood” iPhone cover was pretty sweet, but $110 seemed like a steep price for some pocket wood. There was a cute reusable lunch bag, but come on US Weekly (or whatever magazine it was), we are all ALREADY hip to the reusable bags! Instead of these, the item that really caught my attention was like the runt of the litter in a box full of frolicking puppies. Instead of aggressively seeking my attention, in the corner of the page there quietly sat a couple of thick, multi-colored bangles that were woven together out of paper-mached newspapers. They were unlike anything I had ever seen before, looked so unique and chic, were reasonably priced at under $30, and were such a good idea that I felt like felt like I had to share “Wellpaper’s” products with everyone I could.

After politely asking my lovely travel companion if I could rip the page out her glossy magazine, I carefully folded up the page and tucked it away in my cavernous purse, intent on further researching later.

Now, we are fast-forwarding to that Monday, when I first got a chance to Google my query. While I was really expecting links to Kitson and its ilk to pop up so I could tell you where to buy these cutie cute bracelets, I was surprised to instead first find the home page for the company, which revealed the inspiring and heart-warming history of Wellpaper and its goods. (And provides the tie-in to my India based introduction.)

Rewinding again: In 2004, an Israeli couple up and moved their family to a little town in India. She was an artist whom specialized in paper mache crafts made out of recyclable materials, and dabbled in social work. He was an accountant by trade. Once in India, they gathered groups of interested women, and taught them how to make products out of materials they had available to them (old newspapers and magazines, etc.), and make a business out of it --Wellpaper (Women's Empowerment through Local Livelihood) was thus born.

The village women that compose this organization are loving the fact that they can make their own money to better their families’ quality of living, while building close relationships with their co-workers, and establishing a sense of accomplishment and self-worth. (The site is really cute, there are bios of some of the involved women, and they share their thoughts and feelings in their own words.)

They are taught how to read and write, and are even dabbling in learning the English language. Wellpaper has seen enough success to warrant starting similar programs in 3 additional villages, and their products are being shipped all over the world. In addition to bangles, they also make lot other stuff, like baskets, coasters, earrings, hair clips, plates and key chains, and they are mostly all made out of “raw” materials, newspapers are the most common medium used, but plastic bottles, plastic bags, and old cartons are all fair game as well.

Obviously, buying these products is beneficial in a multitude of ways... and as cute as they are, the least of all being the fact that the Wellpaper accessories can benefit your outfit. The whole Wellpaper concept really appealed to me, because the hand-made, one-of-a-kind products that these women are making are proof positive of the good that can be accomplished by opening your mind and heart to those different than yourself. With all of the bad things people are doing to each other across the world, it's refreshing and invigorating to hear about such selflessness that is happening right NOW.

Skinny For Life

2009-03-24T14:44:00.000-07:00

And so the sleek shall inherit the Earth: eat less, and live longer.

In stark opposition to the plethora of Seventeen and YM magazines stories touting only the negative sides to anorexia and bulimia-- new studies seem to support the idea that the less food a person consumes, the longer, and better, they live. Seems like Eating Disorders need to hire a better PR company…

The premise isn't that new, people have been searching for the fabled Fountain of Youth for thousands of years, and stories about staying young forever continue to circulate throughout modern societies due to our culture’s obsession with youth. Everyone's heard the story of Dorian Grey, girls everywhere are obsessed with Edward Cullens, and stories like these will continue to be created and passed long, because people love the fictious idea of staying young and beautiful forever.

Meanwhile, wouldntcha know that the very trick to achieving this may have been right under our nose along? Literally. By keeping your mouth shut-- and staying hungry-- you can stay young possibly forever.

I’ve heard this lore before, and dismissed it. (Probably because it was too impractical to ever be applicable to real life?) However, I was reminded of this "starvation= longer life" theory when I heard that Oprah was doing an upcoming show about this, because, you know, if Oprah is recognizing this, it has to be a big deal. (Or, soon will be.)

It’s an interesting idea, and would make a great “would you rather” question—is an extra 20 years of life worth sacrificing the foods you love, forever?

Consider: Monkeys, Mice and Men! (oh my!)

• Mice that are on restricted diets are living twice as long as their litter mates who are fed regular diets, and can live for 4 years instead of the average 2.

• In a study between two groups of Rhesus monkeys, where one group is fed normally, and one group is fed 30% less, the differences are extreme: the chunky monkey control-group is nearing the end of their life-span (about 27 years) and dealing with high occurrences of diabetes, cancer, and heart disease. The skinny monkeys actually look and behave as if they were much younger-- with shinier coats, and fewer instances of health problems.

• Humans that have joined the CRS- Calorie Restriction Society- (a group that has severely restricted their calories for years now, some of which are are also participating in the Washington University monkey study) have lowered their blood pressure, reduced their body fat, and lessened risk factors for heart disease, diabetes and even cancer. And, they’re looking more physically attractive for it too. As stated by one CRS husband regarding his wife, "to be honest, if you saw her without any clothes, you'd see she looks pretty darn good, like a woman like of many, many years younger."

If you’re interested in science stuff, there are a lot of supportive and significant statistics regarding this kind of lifestyle; and if you're interested, please reference the link above to the CRS website. However, I find myself more interested in the psychological “hows” and “whys” of this lifestyle?

How can people force themselves to live like this, indefinitely?

An example of the menu at a celebratory occasion dubbed a “happy hour” for a group of calorie restricters includes a cocktail of low-calorie soup, some walnuts, a jar of pureed green beans (preferably baby food) spread on flour-free bread. Was the celebration over the fact that there was food?! Foods with high-fat content, such as meats, cheese, sweets, basically everything worth eating, are totally cut out. Instead, dense, high-fiber foods are to make up the bulk of your diet, with the emphasis not neccesarily on being thin, but being healthy.

The people in the CRS are not going on these restricted diets to lose weight, everything they do is solely for the purpose of elongating their lives. But, if you are drastically cutting your food intake, day after day, for the rest of your life, how do you stop yourself from being too skinny? Is there a point where you weight is considered too skinny and negates whatever health benefits you’re aiming to achieve? On the official CRS site, it defines your goal "thinness" (which needs to be achieved to maximize long-life benefits,) as whatever your weight was as a teenager. (With one noteworthy caveat-- this only applies as long as you were NOT one of those morbidly obese kids that would be shown on another accredited talk show hosts line-up, gobbling up everything in sight because, as Maury would expertly suss out, food was the only medium your teenaged mother could express her love with.)

But how does being hungry make your body live longer??

There are many compelling arguments to support the longevity issue, but advocates believe that at the very least, following CR will enhance your health right now by minimizing body fat, inhibiting cell mutation, lowering blood glucose levels, decreasing inflammation, activating brain-alertness, promoting deep restful sleep, increasing energy levels and creating a more youthful biological age.

As the recent studies from the National Institute on Aging, Harvard University, and Washington University show-- a calorie restricted diet can include many other benefits too, one of them being extending human life. Lab studies dating all the way back to the thirties show that mice and all sorts of laboratory critters, when placed on a severely restricted diet, lived fifty percent longer than the oldest members of their peer community.

I don’t expect people to forgo the easy fix that Botox can provide in order to achieve the same effect that starving themselves for the rest of their lives might produce, but it is very interesting to think about.

If in the end, the skinniest of us will be what's left over (like the cock-roach equivalent of humans), the end of times will be populated with models, homeless people, and Rachel Zoe clients. I suspect that if this "calorie restriction=longevity" theory is true, current records would indicate that models already have a much higher than usual life-span in comparison to us regular working folk-- and if it weren’t for those pesky drugs and that meddlesome alcohol, those hungry bitches could probably have gotten away with it and lived forever!

Fur Hag Aspirations

2009-03-23T09:15:00.000-07:00

Those close to me know, and even tease me about, my love of all things Olsen twin related. Whenever they come across an article or picture of them, they thoughtfully pass it along to me so as to make sure I hear about all Olsen going-ons.

On one hand, I really appreciate it.

On the other hand, it's really annoying when day after day, my delicate senses have to be offended with idiocies such as "Mary Kate And Ashley Olsen Branded Fur Hags From Hell."
It seems that PETA has targeted them to be the poster-children for NOT wearing fur, because, well-- they wear a lot of fur, fabulously.

Those assault-loving PETA idiots went as far as to deface their star on the Hollywood walk of fame. I can only wonder why they didn't go for the added insult of also throwing flour this time? Why so hurtful, PETA?

"The twins - who have been nicknamed 'Hairy Kate' and 'Trashley Olsen' - turned up for a signing of their new book Influence at Barnes & Noble in New York to be greeted by a herd of campaigners wearing Trollsen Twins masks and carrying signs calling them 'fur hags.' "

I don't care what the PETA mASSES decree, MK and Ashley always look beautiful. (Despite occasionally being markedly displeased.)

Unsurprisingly, as no one is safe from his acidic opinion, Perez Hilton is also guilty of nasty Olsen remarks when he sees either one in fur. A recent post of his went something (exactly) like this:

"Aww. She dressed up as an Ewok!

On Thursday, Mary-Kate Olsen gave PETA and other animal rights activists across the world another one-fingered salute. She hit the Belvedere IX party in NY in some sort of animal fur.
What's the animal you're wearing, MK Troll?
Any guesses?
We bet she had a big steak dinner later that night to top things off."

For serious-- aren’t there enough legitimately bad things going on in the world today for these lunatics to spend their time, energy, and media coverage on??

I feel like through all of their antics PETA is unintentionally doing to “fur hag” what Will & Grace did for “fag hag;” it's going to become a label that people strive for, aspire to be called, and want to be.

You have to give MK and Ashley credit though, as they are pretty young in the scheme of things, and you can just tell that they could give a rat (or mink’s) ass about what PETA thinks, and they just keep on keepin' the fur on.

Something Blue, Something Old Becomes Something New

2009-03-18T09:55:00.000-07:00

A recent Monday night was spent in a terrifying chaotic haze of mirrors, pastel satins, and opinions as my sister forced us to visit a bridal chain store and begin the harrowing experience that is bridesmaid dress shopping. (As if Monday’s could get any worse?)

Ever since then, she has been mildly harassing me to tackle the topic of additional uses for bridesmaid dresses, which I suspect she wants me to do in order to alleviate her guilt for making us buy the damn things. While every bride (that I’ve been exposed to) loves to tout the notion that the bridesmaid dresses they picked can totally be worn again…in reality, it’s always a lie.

As cute as the bride might think their puffy pastel dresses may be, after the wedding those things are relegated to the very back of one’s closet. If you’ve ever seen the movie “27 Dresses” and saw the huge closet that was bursting forth with colorful silks, taffetas and puff sleeves, you have an idea of the amount of money and material that is used for a one-time wearing. It seems like such a waste—fine, you have to succumb to the uniform the bride has selected, but then after that one day the dress no longer has any purpose. The concept of so much waste drives me nuts.

Luckily, some crafty entrepreneurs have seen a niche opening up in this department, and have taken the iniative to take advantage of it. Inspired by the resourcefulness of people during the Great Depression— a time when women would recycle the material from men’s jackets and coats, and unravel sweaters to reuse the yarn in order to make something else— Handcut is a clothing line that is made of all repurposed materials, from factory fabric remnants, to old clothing and bed-linens, to army tarpaulins, and even the leather from the seats of an old Cadillac, any material is game for owner Tanya Greenwood’s creations.

The rise of eco-conscious fashion has led designers to seek clothing solutions in organic and sustainable fabrics, with one possible material source having been located in a very unlikely place for fashion— the trash can. The recycled materials are obtained through many less-than-glamorous sources, and after a piece has been selected for use, the only test is has to go though is withstand an industrial washing. "If the clothes survive that," Tanya says, "they'll survive anything."

From the rescued fabrics, new life is born. There are trench coats patchworked together from old safari suits, jackets from vintage corduroy and panelled denim skirts that are made from at least three pairs of jeans. These mixed-up designer clothes are known as "refashioned originals" — which is a nice way of saying they are made from materials previously considered to be trash. “At least 98 per cent of the fabric in the shop would have ended up [in a landfill.]” Tanya has said.

“By recreating these fashion items, we are saving the environment by recycling some of the world’s best fabrics. We think our fashion items are unique and they also look great.”

She is whimsical about the history on her clothing racks. "I like to wonder what sort of bloke wore this before," she says, holding a jacket with shimmering sleeves. "He must have been so cool with his gold jacket on."

Additional ethical accessories that are available include beads from recycled resin, bangle bracelets made out of old knitting needles, and coming soon: shoes made from "e-leather",a British innovation that uses remnants from leather tanneries.

Tanya, if you're reading this— please feel free to get in touch with me. Come early August, I’ll have an “in” on a ton of gently used turquoise satin…

Imsomniac Revelation: Old Clothes Made New Again

2009-03-17T17:37:00.000-07:00

I could not fall asleep last night.

I watched two episodes of Chelsea Lately, read half of this month’s Book Club book and the entire new In Style magazine, and made it to level 15 in Tetris. It was a weird feeling to know that everyone else around me was fast asleep and unconscious, and yet I remained awake and listless.

As 3:30am rolled around, I turned off the lights for good and squeezed my eyes shut, determined to make my body do what I wanted it to. I started playing my favorite game with myself, “What Will Kelly Wear Tomorrow?” and mentally dressed myself in an array of different work appropriate looks. (The annoying thing is that although this helps me fall asleep, the cute ensembles I come up with are forgotten come morning.)

As per usual right before I fall asleep, my mind began to wander… and all of a sudden I was thrust onto a topic that got me all riled up again and there was NO way any sleep was occurring anytime soon… For some reason, I had found myself mentally reviewing my shoe selection, and unhappy with the realization that although I own a lot of shoes-- a bunch of them have seen too many nights out at dirty bars to be worn anymore. It occurred to me that I could spend a couple bucks and have a shoe-maker bring new life to my pre-existing shoes, instead of spending a lot of bucks on brand new shoes. (I already have a pair that I am so excited to resuscitate- cream round-toe Mary Janes, with a sexy stiletto heel and delicate lattice work around the edges. They look disgusting now, can’t wait to get them spiffed up and back into rotation!)

The idea of revitalizing shoes I already own lead me (slippery slope) to the idea of revitalizing clothes I already own… and that’s when the adrenaline started pumping and I sat straight up in bed, too many ideas racing around in my brain to track them all.

That vintage looking white dress with the puff skirt covered in blue flowers? I had only worn it once, despite it’s beauty, and written it off as being too conservative. But, with a shorter, flirtier hemline, and a thick brown leather belt-- I could wear that dress to death! Dinner, work, out… perfection!

That purple silk Rebecca Taylor patterned tank top I haven’t worn since college because it’s too short-waisted for today’s look-- that would look awesome cut down the front and transformed into a flowy, romantic vest.

Cute black Ella Moss empire tunic with the bat wing sleeves I decided I hated after purchase-- nothing a stapler can’t handle! (For real, this story is just between us because my brother would DIE if he knew I told this to anyone, but I turned the shirt inside out, and had him put it on. Following the shape of his arms, I stapled in the stitching I wished the shirt actually had, and made the sleeves fitted. Although my brother was happy to help, I could tell he felt a bit emasculated that I was using him as a model because only his arms were as skinny as mine.)

My white vintage Gucci floral bag with the long white leather strap would look sick updated with a pretty gold chain strap...

The possibilities are endless, and it’s so exciting because these are all things I already own—and all I’m doing is coordinating a little makeover action, and inviting these pieces back into my life. Money is saved, my creative fires are stoked, and I’m cutting down on my wasteful consumption while preventing lots of material goods from finding their final resting place in the bottom of a land-fill grave.

I can’t wait to take my favorite destroyed jeans –- so favorite that I have two pairs—to the tailor and having one pair made into a straighter, skinnier version. I am also looking forward to updating a slew of dresses to a more modern hemline, and never having to stress about what to wear during the summer again. (Note though- for things being hemmed I will ask for the material to only be sewed and not cut, so that when the styles eventually revert back, the hems can be let down and the clothing piece will still be relevant.)

Along these lines, stay posted for updates on more do-it-yourself ideas, in addition to profiles of clothing designers that are already doing this for you. For instance, check out the extreme makeovers at avant apres fashion- I am so jealous of this girl's style and skill, however she does set an awesome example of what can be accomplished with the things you already own and a good imagination.

Before and After #1:

(I love it!!!!)

Before and After #2:

Hot.

(Tip: she sells some of her creations on etsy.com, so some of her infinite style can possibly be momentarily possessed by one of us normal folk.)

Now-- hopefully after getting all this off my chest, I will be able to sleep like a contented baby tonight. Sweet dreams!

It's here, and it's beer!

2009-03-17T12:30:00.000-07:00

This seemed situationally relevant, now I'm off to find some news about people seeking the ends of rainbows (and Amy) in order to find pots filled with aluminum cans they can recycle, and leprechauns that love trees....

It’s Good: Wolaver’s family-owned brewery offers a hearty, tasty selection of ales and lagers, straight from the heart of Vermont.

It’s Green: As of 1998, the Wolaver family made a commitment to producing all of their beers using only the freshest, all-organic ingredients.

It’s Here: ShoppersVineyard.com

It’s: $7.99!!!!!!!!

Blogger's Block

2009-03-16T11:07:00.000-07:00

P.S. Sorry for my absentia, I was experiencing something I can only describe as bloggers constipation; there were so many nuggets of information I wanted to get out, and yet they were so big, it ended up being too hard to push them all out.
Luckily, this month's Lucky magazine featured lots of "eco" contents, and seemed to act as an idea laxative.
Can't wait to show you what comes out! :)

Keds Go Green

2009-03-16T09:43:00.001-07:00

When the OC first came out, I was obsessed.

Since I liked it, it could do no wrong. The soundtracks were amazing, (I own all of them, including the Christmakkuh album which used to make me cry when I was PMSing, perhaps tmi?), Steh Cohen was hilarious, Rachel Bilson was sooo adorable, Josh Schwartz was the shizz, and there was no one prettier than Mischa Barton in the whole entire world. Sigh…

So, when I first heard that Keds had signed her to be their spokesperson, I was psyched for them- she was so pretty and cool, anything on her would look hot. Right? Not so much.

Um, what are these ensembles? Sadly, the tabloid rumors seem echoed in these pictures, as Mischa went far, far down Lohan Boulevard... and the innocent masses were exposed to the fact that the cokehead/alchoholic/anorexic combination is a better advertisement for DARE than retail products...

Seriously??

Given her substance induced haze, I wonder if she was also hired as the stylist for these shoots? It would explain a lot...

Want Keds now?

How about now?!

No? Oh.

Needless to say, despite my Mischa's obvious beauty, I was not inspired to buy Keds. Were you?

Luckily, there appears to be a happy ending. For Keds, at least.

After bearing witness to years of eyeball abuse with these Mischa/Keds atrocities, I was pleasantly surprised to come across this new Keds ad:

So cute! Finally! For the first time in about 20 years, I’m kind of wanting a pair of Keds again? (Jenna? Mary-Kate, Ashley? What are your thoughts?) Her outfit actually makes sense with the Keds, and she looks breezily put together.

And, these coherent accessories are “green” to boot! Indeed- the shoe laces are 100% recycled plastic bottles, the outsoles are 20% recycled rubber, the dyes are non-toxic and the cotton is all organic. Kudos Keds, keep up the good work!

kedsgogreen.com

It's what on the inside that crunches

2009-03-03T16:54:00.000-08:00

We were recently privileged enough to be invited to this baby's Super Sweet "First" Birthday Bash. When we arrived, (after we were carded and checked off on the guest list, obvs) we were greeted by the birthday girl, who was all decked out in a "special", yet preppy, pink plaid Burberry jumper, with patent leather black Tod's driving moccs. Her ruffled bloomers completed the outfit, with her initials sewn onto the bottom, surrounded by lacy ruffles and flounces.

After having cake and a few temper tantrums, the present opening began. As each gift was unwrapped and revealed, each audience member/guest “oohed” and “ahhed” appropriately.

· Some sort of baby-grand (get it?) electric piano that could make every noise imagineable: "Ooooooooh!!!!" we all murmured, a combination of admiration and perhaps jealousy?

· A new Juicy dress with matching leggings. The chorus all went “Ahhhhhhh!” while her mother chirped something like, “Mommy has this outfit in black!”

· A huge stuffed animal that was three times the size of the birthday girl, with each extremity doubling as a toy; a rattle for a hand, a foot that was a mirror and squeaked…. “Oooooohhh!”

And so on and so on it went for the afternoon.

Once every package and parcel had been opened, the baby had a pile of brand-new fancy toys. Every gift had been hand-picked from upscale boutiques, as to what would best be suited for an one year old with discerning tastes, and equally discerning parents. Despite having half the large room taken up by her bounty of things that sparkled and shined, squeaked and squalled, the thing that had enraptured her mind and heart the most was the also sizable pile of discarded wrapping paper in the corner. Who needs Tiffany’s baubles and Baby Einstein when you can rip noisy things up with wanton abandon?*

It’s easy to forget that if you have simple tastes, you are satisfied with simple things.

Kids are as happy with wrapping paper and big empty boxes as they are with the things that came inside those entrapments. Remember how fun a big empty box was when you were a kid? Who needed fancy toys when you had a big box, an imagination, and siblings that would go along with whatever?

"Welcome to my penthouse. Would you care to nibble some bits with me, you sweet, sweet Webkin...?"
My sister has a chinchilla, and it’s like crack for her- she can’t help but to spend every penny she has on toys and luxurious accommodations for the fat rodent’s cage. (And also, she sniffs it, a lot.)

Seriously though, this thing has it’s own bathroom, tropical inspired hammocks, custom made lofts, a thatch-roofed bungalow, island scenery (to remind it of home?), and gourmet treats hand-fed to it daily… Basically, it’s 6 ft. tall cage is nicer than the Playboy Suite in Vegas. (And yes, just like Vegas, the chinchilla’s cage comes complete with its very own legalized sex trade. While it’s not the use my sister had originally intended for the little stuffed animals that she populated the cage with, she unintentionally became the john of the chinchilla cage. With her weekly rotation of characters, neither the toys nor the chinchilla, nor my sister [who can sleep better when the rodent’s quiet after tiring himself out,] seem to be complaining about the wanton acts of abandon happening in that faux-tropical hideaway…)

And yet, despite all of it’s rodenty accommodations, it’s favorite plaything is the cardboard roll that makes up the center of a paper towel or toilet paper roll. Indeed, he seems to get more pleasure playing with these, than from all of his Furries action combined.

This is why when I went over to my friend’s house the other night; I got really excited and inspired by something I saw in her bed that I thought was ingeniously green. (Ingreenious?)

Scared? (If you knew this friend-- and what could have been in her bed, you probably would be...)

I innocently picked up the little felt cow that lay there, and remarked on how cute it was. Her lab puppy bouncing at my feet trying to grab for it, seemed to obviously agree with me. I felt that there was something hard inside of it, and before I could start to get weirded about what exactly I was holding, my friend gave me the inside scoop. Literally.

You know how you can buy your dog everything in the pet store, and yet when you’re at home, he’s happier drinking water from the toilet bowl, playing with the stuff he can get out of the trashcan, eating poop instead of treats, and falling asleep anywhere? Another case of simple things for simple tastes....

K.I.S.S!
A bunch of genius (possibly dog whispering?) companies have taken note of what of their dogs are telling them, and have accommodated their trashy habits to make them safer, healthier, cleaner and greener.

The cow in my hand was basically a fancy cover for an empty plastic water bottle. I have known many a dog that loved chewing on empty, plastic water bottles (as they are apparently oh-so-fun to crunch on and destroy) and now--they can do just that, while leaving the plastic pieces all confined inside the animal cover, so the dogs cannot make a mess, or hurt themselves --and once the bottle has been sufficiently killed, it is replaceable! And recyclable! Woo hoo!

These bottle covers are available under a few different monikers, some are called "Bottle Crunchers", some are called "Bottle Buddies." They can be found in any pet store, and are available in a ton of places online. They are inexpensive, and can keep a dog satisfied, over and over. (Sort of like stuffed animals for a Chinchilla, in an equally "ew, I don't want to touch that" when they're done with it, kind of way.)

The moral of the stories is that happiness can easily be found in the most mundane of objects, and we shouldn't try so hard, or spend so much, on unnecessary acquirements.

On the plus side--now I know what to get my mother for Mother's Day. (Note to self: start saving those empty toilet paper rolls, now.)

*This was a very important day all around, as we all were reminded of something very important. Her 3-year old brother solemnly informed us that his baby sister DID NOT like it when you smacked her really hard, on the top of her head. Why? Duh! a.) It was not nice, and b.) Her head was still soft.

"That's what HE said..."

2009-02-27T10:14:00.000-08:00

I feel like this is cheating somehow since I didn’t write it…

But as people who do bad things are known to do-- I am trying to make myself feel better about doing something that makes me feel guilty, by coming up with justifications of why I should proceed with the questionable act...

Yes, I'm arguing with myself (yet again), that since the following would be enjoyable and relevant for you to read (and really, it's all about YOU, dear reader. Q: Why would I ever want to withhold the good stuff from YOU? A: I wouldn't!), and I’m not trying to play it off like I wrote this, it’s a good thing for me to share my awesome findings with you?

It’s like recycling other people’s creativity! Yes... that soothes my conscious and makes me feel ok about this...

So, today on this blog I discovered called "CheapHealthyGood," there is a whole list of “eco” quotes from the quirkiest of kooks on NBC's "The Office." Please enjoy the following list of the best Dwight Schrute-isms (which I cherry-picked for you), followed by it's eco-relevance:

DWIGHT SAYS: “Michael always says ‘K-I-S-S. Keep it simple, stupid.’ Great advice. Hurts my feelings every time.”

DWIGHT MEANS: Fresh, simple ingredients are the best way to a cheap, healthy meal.In other words, eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants. Fruits, vegetables, whole grains, legumes, dabs of dairy, healthy fats and lean meats are the building blocks of delicious dinners and happy digestive systems. In the long run, they cost less and taste better than pre-packaged stuff, too. (and probably have less bugs and mouse parts in them...?)

DWIGHT SAYS: “My grandfather left me a 60-acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin Mose. We sell beets to the local stores and restaurants. It’s a nice little farm ... sometimes teenagers use it for sex.”

DWIGHT MEANS: Buy local.Not only does it support neighborhood farmers (who need security to keep randy kids away), but food that’s shipped from nearby tastes better, is better for you, and is easier on the environment. See here for more.

DWIGHT SAYS: “Yes, I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years, which I'm looking forward to. It's an Amish technique; it's like slapping someone with silence. I was shunned from the age of 4 until my 6th birthday, for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna.”

DWIGHT MEANS: Save leftovers, or suffer the terrible consequences.Whether it’s excess mashed potatoes or those last two slices of pizza, try to pack your extras away. It’ll keep your portion size down, make a delicious office meal the next day, and put your lunch money back where it belongs – in your pocket.DWIGHT SAYS: "Oh you know that line on the top of the shrimp? That's feces."

DWIGHT SAYS: “Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ And if they would, I do not do that thing.” (This is my favorite, hilarious yet insightful.)

DWIGHT MEANS: Find a food anti-idol.Imagine your most extravagant friend. You know, the high roller - the one that doesn’t think twice about his finances. For what does he dole out the most dough? If he’s anything like my big-spender buds, it’s food. Learn from his bad example and try to use good judgment when buying groceries, ordering out, or settling down for a restaurant meal.

DWIGHT SAYS: [to Toby's daughter] “Hello, tiny one. YOU ARE THE FUTURE!”

DWIGHT MEANS: Teach your children well. When it comes to eating and budgeting, kids learn largely from the examples set by their parents. Whether it’s having dinner together or serving more vegetables, changing a bad habit or starting a few good ones will benefit them for life.

(In the spirit of things, just"recycling" a cutie dog picture I found.)

Apple for Teacher

2009-02-26T17:09:00.000-08:00

When I was in elementary school, there were multiple parts of the school year that I looked forward to…

Back-to-school was always fun and exciting; getting your brand new seating arrangements and organizing all of your new school gear neatly into your Trapper Keeper, making friends with the kids sitting next to you (that kid also coincidentally seemed to have a last name that began with the same letters as mine?) and deciding on who your new crush for that year was going to be...ah yes, these were all high-lights of early September...

As the school year progressed, and the holidays drew closer, the festivities became almost palpable. There were Turkeys made out of the shape of your hand, pilgrim and Indian head-dresses to create and wear, and the inevitable movies that the teachers would put on because they were more ready for a break then we were… (I remember seeing "Sandlot" and "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" a lot?)

Come February, it was always so fun to go home after Valentine’s Day and empty out your construction paper and lace “mailbox” to see what your crush had written to you on his Snoopy V-day card, and giggle over the silly heart candy messages. (“Gimme a kiss”? Ewww!!)

But my most favorite time of the school year was the very end of it- and not for the reasons you’d expect. Just as we were required to clean out our desks, all of the teachers were likewise responsible for emptying everything out of their classrooms. They would end up with boxes and boxes of unused dittos and worksheets that would be up for grabs, and I used to dive in there like a crazed Carrie Bradshaw at a Manolo sample sale. Sure, it could get violent, and there were threats of “Bitch, I’ll cut you!” and yes, this resulted in numerous nasty paper cuts... but in the end,I’d get off the bus content with the knowledge that my book-bag was crammed full of worksheets and tests, and as I walked home I would day-dream about how much fun it was going to be to wile away the long summer days playing school with my little sisters… (and then there was that one summer when I tried to put a new spin on the game and try something new, something I had coined “Catholic" school. I think they probably learned a lot that summer?)

Anyway, we would sit in the air-conditioned playroom, and go through tons and tons and tons of math exercises, brain-storming activities, and sentence diagramming worksheets. If they got it wrong, they had to do it over! In retrospect, two thoughts:

1. They should really thank me.
2. God that was a lot of paper!

My littlest sister is now in the 9th grade, and in her highly evolved high-school-- paper has become a thing of the past. (She probably doesn’t even know what a “ditto” is? Was?) On the first day of school, every student is issued their very own Apple MacBook. Freshman year, they are all required to take a basic computer class, so that even though most of them already know how to get around on a computer, the school makes sure that everyone is coming from the same computer building blocks.

Because each student has their own computer, information can be instantly shared electronically and without paper. Bad news for Dunder Mifflin, but good news for the trees! Homework, work-sheets, articles, and even tests and quizzes can be shared via the net. Essays are submitted electronically too, and as they are being handed in to teacher, they are simultaneously being run through a computer program that scans each paper and makes sure no parts of it have been plagiarized.

Even their textbooks are on the web! Students no longer have to be bogged down with heavy books, that may or may not cause scoliosis. Now, with only a click of the mouse they can get right to Chapter 9, and answer the comprehension questions at the end.

Every teacher has their own network to which their students can access to get their homework assignments, do extra credit, check their grades, etc. Likewise, the teachers can then see how often and frequently each student is accessing their stuff.

Appropriate security measures have been added to the computers, since they know that kids just love to get into things they shouldn't... the school-issued computers have restricted Internet access so that the students are only able to access approved sites. No financial transactions can take place over the school-owned computer, and the school employed tech-support team can access anything on any student’s computer at anytime. (There should be nothing sensitive on the computer, so there is no need for anything on their computers to be considered private or that school officials should be barred from viewing. )

It’s so weird to me to imagine what a normal day in high-school is like now, because I remember being in the fourth grade and having Mrs. Widman tell us that in 15 years there were going to be computers the size of notebooks, and everyone would have one. It was fun to think about at the time, but seemed like a crazy science-fiction premise-- one which would surely could never happen? And now… here we are, lap-top computers doled out instead of text-books! Is this how our grand-parents felt when they were kids, and heard that someday a man could walk on the moon?

As Whitney once sang, the children are our future…

Beside’s drastically cutting down on paper use, having kids grow-up on computers is helping the environment by making sure that our nation’s future leaders are being properly groomed and prepared for the world they will live in. Everything is becoming more and more the Internet dependent, and computers are becoming more and more integral to everyday life.

My sister says that having a computer in front of her all day has helped her in many important ways. For one, she has become a more savvy problem solver by being forced to figure out how to obtain information whatever information she needs at that moment. She knows that everything she needs is right at her fingertips, and she just needs to figure out the best way to get it. She is also learning how to manage her time better by becoming an extremely efficient multi-tasker. A usual night consists of her listening to iTunes while IMing with at least 5 friends, all while researching and writing a paper in Spanish. (And maybe playing Word Whomp to help with writer's block.) The fact that mastering PowerPoint, Excel, and Word don’t even come up in conversation with her about the pro’s of having a computer assigned to her in school is indicative of how taken for granted and commonplace these skills have become to her-- and how thoroughly more prepared she will be for any future job.

By ensuring kids' comfort level with computer maneuvering, we’re saving one resource while strengthening another. These schools should be credited for creating more productive members of society, who will be more valued in the work-place and more acclimated to the tools they will need to succeed.

USA Today reports that schools that have been experimenting with this practice are showing positive findings. Student’s display an increased amount of participation, and feel more motivated to get their school-work done. (Maybe because it’s more fun to do work on a computer? Or because you can socialize or find ways to amuse yourself while getting unpleasant things done?)

Recently, there has been a lot of media coverage about teenagers putting inappropriate pictures of themselves online. Even the most seemingly innocent of star tweens have been busted (ha) for overtly sexual pictures being released online. Disney cash cows Vanessa Hudgens and Miley Cyrus are both guilty of this, and obviously this is something that some parents fear as reason to not give their kids full use of a computer. Really though, a ho is a ho is a ho, and ho’s are going to act like ho’s whether they have computers or not. Nice kids aren’t going to get computers with web-cams, and all of a sudden want to turn into home-made porn stars. Yes, as can be witnessed with my sister, there is rampant flirting via instant messaging and emails… but flirting would be occurring with or without computers also, and has just evolved as an art form to meet the current times.

Hopefully schools will continue to go down this path, and the Apples that fall into the classrooms can prevent forests of fallen trees...

DO: Reuse Plastic Water Bottles

2009-02-25T09:24:00.001-08:00

I drank a lot in college.

While there was a healthy mix of the stuff you’d expect, there was also a lot of coffee, apple cider, chocolate milk, and most importantly, tons and tons of water.

When I was in high-school, I didn’t drink at all, and yet my brain soaked up all of the drinking lore that I ever heard like a sponge. For whatever reason, one rumor really stuck with me: hang-overs are caused by being dehydrated, so all you had to do to never be hung-over was stay hydrated. (Maybe this struck me because it met my solution criteria- I can't help it, I like my solutions how I like my men; easy and elegant. ☺)

Once I began my magical (albeit hazy) experience at Penn State, I credit my water rule with a higher than average classroom attendance. While my friends were skipping class to recover in bed, or escaping during class for a bathroom throw-up break, I usually woke up feeling hunky-dory and ready to go eat a breakfast bagel. I attributed all of these wake-up success stories to my beloved bottles of Aquafina. (My personal standard was downing two 50 oz. bottles before going to sleep. I'd have to pee a lot, but I'm telling you, I'd wake up feeling grrreat!)

I still drink a lot, except that my age and responsibilities seemed to have increased proportionally to my alcohol tolerance decreasing? Next to me, ALWAYS, is at least one beverage-- usually a boring, but satisfying drink of water.

On my desk lives a bottle of “Wawa” brand water, and I use it every single day like a sealable cup. I refill it as needed, and have had this particular bottle for about 6 months.

Leave it to co-workers to try and ruin a good thing...

The first buttinsky told me that I was probably giving myself cancer by reusing the same plastic water bottle. Didn’t I know that water bottles are designed to be used once, and that after that first use the plastic starts “leeching” deadly chemicals into the water, which I then drank?!

I had never heard this before, but the use of the word “leeching” sounded a bit scientific, so I checked it out on snopes.com.

Just as I cynically suspected, water bottles DO NOT have a magic sensor that tells them when they “emptiness” cherry has been popped, and therefore can start “leeching” all over the place. The plastic is designed to be extremely resilient, which is what gives it a major advantage over glass. It is also designed to be able to handle Whitney Houston amounts of abuse (it’s still too soon to make tasteful Rhianna abuse references?) without chemical consequences.

The second water bottle know-it-all happened to walk by me during a refill session at the water fountain. He distracted my mental zombie preparations by smugly saying something like, “You know you’re not supposed to reuse those, right?”

Since I had already gone through this once, I had a good response.“Yeah, I have heard that before, but it turns out it’s a big urban legend that chemicals from the plastic leech into the water.”

He wasn’t impressed with the “leech” bomb being dropped at all, and snorted through his nose in reply.

“It’s not about the chemicals. It’s about bacteria growing in the bottle. You know how sometimes your bottle looks green? That’s mold you’re drinking.” He snorted at me again, and then turned on his heel and went into the bathroom.

I stood looking at my crystal clear bottle of water for a moment, and hoped that the bomb he was about to drop in there somehow exploded all over him.

However, this made me kind of paranoid and so yet again... to my trusty Google I went in order to uncover the truth of this new thing to worry about. (Just mind your P's & Q's about my H20, ok?!)

On plasticsorg.com, I hit the jack-pot of relevant information. “Plastics are by nature extremely sanitary materials, and plastic bottles are no more likely to harbor bacteria than other kinds of packaging or drinking containers.” While it is true that “bacteria thrives in warm, moist environments,” as long as you don’t poop into your water bottle you’re pretty much good to reuse it as often as you like.

Bottom line: the FDA closely regulates the plastic used for water bottles, (these materials are used around the world) and there is absolutely no harm in reusing them with a little common sense. (i.e. Please don't poop in a water bottle you want to drink from later!)

It’s good for you to drink tons of water, and you should—by reusing plastic water bottles you’re getting more for your money, but most importantly, (truly) you’re keeping a lot of perfectly good items out of landfills, and preventing energy being used to recycle them into something else when they would love to still be contributing members of your household.

Water does a body good. Pay it forward and return the favor; increase the life-span of your average disposable water bottle and reap the benefits. (I forgot to mention they make pretty cute accessories, and can compliment a wide variety of outfits and styles. Reference: all included Jennifer Aniston images, where she is looking fabulous as usual with [reused?] water bottle in hand.)

Living Proof: Dirty Hair Can Be Pretty Hair

2009-02-24T14:50:00.000-08:00

Ursula was born in Brazil, and ever since we met in the 7th grade she has always been one of those effortlessly sophisticated and chic girls that you secretly want to be like/hate, except she is far too charming to ever be able to dislike.

Ursula is now in her early twenties, and flits all around Europe depending on wherever the breeze (or her job) takes her. Over Christmas, she managed to squeeze in a quick stop at home, and came over for a visit.
She breezed into the family room with a waft of good smells. We were all wearing sweats and engrossed in Guitar Hero, no doubt making fools of ourselves, while she looked casually gorgeous as usual, with her skin all aglow and her hair shinier than ever. *

In conversation, she mentioned in passing that she had just been to the gym for a Bikram yoga class with her mom, and had taken the world’s fastest shower afterwards in order to make it over to us at a decent time. The Nancy Drew in me perked up immediately at hearing this, and the subtle interrogation began – the recent bout of yoga in hell (Bikram yoga is usually an hour and half long, in a room purposely kept at 104˚F with 40% humidity!!! So that) explained her flush, but if she had just taken a shower, how was her super long, thick hair already dried?? Had she learned some new hair magic from the Chinese mystics during her airport wanderings? Did she discover a real-life genie bottle in the Alps? How did she achieve this amazing feat? (This really is a big deal to me, because I have really curly hair that I constantly am at war with in order to achieve some semblance of a look I’d want, and anyone with hair as perfect as hers must be involved in some sort of dark arts. Right?)

As Nancy Drew would have expected though, Ursula’s answer was the easy one and not the one that included hair magic. (Drats!) It turned out that yes, she had taken a shower-- but she didn’t wash her hair! Apparently, her Parisian hair stylist had advised her to be like all the other European girls, and only wash her hair once or twice a week-- as it’s much healthier for your hair. (She told him to shove it when he started dispensing his underarm shaving advice though. Mon dieu! She doesn’t want that hair thick and silky, mercibeaucoup!) She went on to tell us that Americans’ overzealous personal hygiene is considered comical in Europe. Could this be true? Who knew dirty hair could look so good?

Zut alors!

Maybe it was a case of me hearing what I wanted to hear, because I hate showers? I know, I know, I hear it all the time, “That’s so crazy! Showers are so nice!” Um, no they’re not! They are time consuming clusterfucks, what with the washing, conditioning, exfoliating, dancing (it’s the only part that makes showering tolerable for me-- but it definitely tacks on the time in the shower, I mean, you can’t really expect me to turn off the water half-way through Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” dance, can you?), shaving, moisturizing, blow-drying, and everything else that goes into one’s grooming… UGH! It turns into a very time and energy consuming event, but maybe, hopefully, those feisty Europeans are on to something..?

Enter MIT’s foray into the world of hair products, with the introduction of their line “Living Proof.”

Determined to fight frizz from a scientific approach, an MIT scientist dissected and examined “frizz” to get to the Achilles heel of the foe and defeat it, as opposed to the current practice of coming up with products that help you live with it.

Getting right down to the nitty-gritty, they started working on ways to protect the hair follicle from being susceptible to moisture’s wily, invasive rapist ways. (If you know that frizz is caused by moisture, please skip to the next paragraph. If you’re one of those freakish/lucky girls that was born with naturally pin-straight hair, and has never had to worry about frizz before-- please read on, if you care to, for a quick crash course on frizz. “Frizz” is caused by moisture in the air-- aka humidity. Humidity affects hair in two primary ways: changing the surface texture of the hair fiber by making it rough and full of friction, and increasing absorption of water by the interior of the hair shaft. Or, in plainer English, the water gets all up inside the hair shaft despite the hair saying “No! No! I’m worth the wait!” and causes all sorts of complications resulting in the hair looking really bad and feeling both ashamed and used.)

Everyone loves before and afters!

In the past, hair companies were trying to fight the war on frizz by producing silicon based hair products as a way to tame the existing frizziness.

The brains at MIT weren’t interested in dealing with frizz period though, and went right to the root of the problem. To this end, they developed a brand new chemical that is similar to the Teflon coating used on cookware, but for your hair-- PolyfluoroEster (PFE) works by adhering tightly to the hair, and smoothing down the hair shaft to prevent moisture from being absorbed in the first place. There is a lot more scientific gobbledy gook involved, but basically the PFE chemicals in Living Proof’s hair products cut down on the surface tension on the hair, which provides some amazing benefits such as shinier, frizz-free hair, hair that is actually coated in a substance that acts as a repellent to dirt and oil, and the longer you use the stuff- the higher the PFE concentration is in your hair, so the shinier and silkier it gets!

Obviously, this sounds too good to be true, but don’t worry- before I brought the topic to your attention I did my due diligence and read the comments of people who have already bought and used these products. The line seemed to receive predominantly rave reviews.

What first caught my interest with “Living Proof” is that the Teflon-for-your-hair actually repels the nasty stuff that is naturally attracted to your hair; which means less washing needed! If your hair stays cleaner for longer, than the advantage’s to using Living Proof are as multi-layered as a "Rachel" cut:

• Obviously you’re giving yourself a self-esteem boost, because lord knows your hair is your best accessory-- and if your hair’s looking really good, chances are you’re feeling good!

• You’re also saving yourself tons of previous, priceless TIME by cutting down your needed showering and styling.

• If you’re washing your hair less-- you’re also significantly cutting down on your environmental “footprint,” as your average amount of water usage is slashed, and the electricity used for your blow-dryer (or any other styling tools) is likewise exponentially decreased!**

Intrigued? I am.

Want to try it now? I do! Check it out at Sephora.com.

Armed with these products (which come in really cute packaging, by the by)- we can now reap all of the benefits of the European girls' hair-washing habits, but maintain our “clean” American aesthetic. It’s Miley’s dream of combining “the best of both worlds…”

*The girl pictured is not Ursula-- but is actually actress Eliza Dushku, who is often styled by Living Proof And she's super hot. Correlation is obvious, no?

**I don’t know how Living Proof is manufactured, so I’ll feel like a bonafide jack-ass if after touting it’s “green” advantages I find out that 5 tons of nuclear waste is created with every 12 ounces of product made?

Watering Holes: 2009 Edition

2009-02-23T10:28:00.000-08:00

It’s an awesome idea that immediately caught my eye in it’s little blurb in US Weekly; an eco-conscious, celeb inhabited, nightclub.

Ever since it’s opening this past November in New York's trendy Soho district, Greenhouse has become a popular hang-out spot for the likes of Leonardo and Beyonce.

And, who could blame them? The interiors at Greenhouse are GORGEOUS, the staff only wears designer organic uniforms made by Bono and his wife’s clothing line Enud, and as the head host explains, Greenhouse is a public relations wet dream. "There isn’t a person in Hollywood that doesn’t want to have a green image."

On point with current environmental concerns, the concept of introducing environmentally friendly methodology to the bar scene is growing in popularity across the globe; from the Temple Nightclub in San Francisco, to Surya in London, all the way to Watt in the Netherlands. Greenhouse differentiates itself by striving to achieve the hard to attain LEED certification, which is the official stamp of approval from the US Green Building Council and certifies that everything from building materials and garbage disposal, to energy and water usage, is regulated and reduced.

The architects and builders of Greenhouse took very creative and thoughtful approaches to meet the environmental guidelines; the walls are made of sustainable bamboo, and covered in varying types of real leaves. The bi-level, 6,000-square-foot space features high-efficiency heating, ventilation and air conditioning, all powered by wind-generated electricity. An LED lighting system is utilized, which uses just a little more than 3 percent of the energy that a standard lighting installation would require. The bathrooms feature waterless urinals and low-flow sinks, which save at least 15,000 gallons of water a year. All of the materials used to furnish the venue — from the synthetic couches to the coasters on the tables — are recycled or recyclable.

They offer organic fruit juices and liquors, with the drink of choice being an organic Vodka 360 which is made in a green distillery and served in a reusable, recycled bottle. (They offer regular labels too, so as to not “alienate” the average patron.)

In order to keep their LEED certification, a monthly analysis of water and energy consumption is mandatory in order to make sure that the building is performing as planned. And although Greenhouse cost about 40% more to build than an average nightclub would, the owner expects the built-in energy-efficient measures to pay for themselves within 10 years.

Environmentally centered nightclubs are predicted to be the wave of the future, with the owner of the San Francisco based Temple Nightclub already trying to team up with Greenhouse’s management in an attempt to establish future venues.

My suggestion- hook up with Steven Starr and bring one of these to Philadelphia. Please?

Stop Smelling the Chemical Infested Roses

2009-02-19T18:48:00.000-08:00

If we were to ever date in the future, I know it will be hard to restrain yourself— but please don’t send tokens of your affection to my place of work. While it sounds cute in theory and always comes across as soooo romantic in movies, receiving flowers at work is way more embarrassing than arousing.*

With a big bouquet on your desk, every coworker passing by feels inclined to poke their head in, and be like “Oooh, someone got flowers!” They usually then use this opening as a springboard into all sorts of other prying questions about your personal life. (I am always tempted to give some unexpected answer, like getting a far-away look on my face, and dreamily answering, “Yeah, teenage boyfriends can be so adorable…” or, “Such a surprise! I didn’t even know he knew my name, let alone where I worked?” or even, “My imaginary boyfriend really surprised me this time! He's in for a treat when I get home tonight... ” You know, something awkward like that? Fortunately I have the will-power to restrain myself, thank god there is no alcohol at work.)

So, due to the flowers— it’s guaranteed to be an extra annoying day, and then at the end of it, I get to figure out some MacGyver inspired technique on how to buckle up my flowers using only an umbrella and a reusable bag from Trader Joes. (It's a pain, for sure, but call me crazy — I'd much rather have my flowers at home where I’m usually happy, instead of at work, where I’m usually disgruntled.) In the process of this, there are usually a lot of expletives and sometimes tears. Once I finally get home, the unavoidable puddle around the vase makes it look like the flowers wet themselves in transit— obviously in response to my driving skills.

So clearly, I’d rather just not deal with any of this and just get flowers delivered straight to my house (I sound like such a brat, don’t I?), however it's not like embarrassing things are limited to work-place flower deliveries…

As everyone with a calendar knows, February 14th just passed, and this year the date happened to fall on a Saturday. When the doorbell unexpectedly rang that morning, I had just rolled out of bed and was wearing my natty old bathrobe and slippers, with hair and left-over eye-make-up all over the place. I think my nose might have been running a little too, and I hadn’t even had a chance to check and see if I had the tell-tale dried drool marks on my cheek, (probably really want to date me now, huh?) and yet I swallowed my pride and mustered as much dignity as I could to answer the door. Poor delivery guy. He was just doing his job, dropping off beautiful Valentine’s Day deliveries, and yet I think it’s safe to say when shut the door after him we both felt a little traumatized/violated?

Here’s the thing though, whether you got flowers sent to work, or flowers delivered to your home— here we are, almost a week later and I bet you are unable to still enjoy your flowers because they're dead, right? If my house a litmus test of this, then your flowers are probably drooping and wilting, while sitting in a stagnating vase of their own filth. Lovely.

And, I’m not even going to touch upon the topic of how ungodly expensive flowers magically become on Hallmark’s favorite day… What I did want to share though, was an alternative to giving cut flower bouquets on V-day.

I did a bit of research on the topic today, and was blown away by the cons of buying pre-cut flowers, and I learned that cut flowers are major “thorns” in the sides of many environmentalists. The majority of flowers are flown in from South America, so a ton of pollution/consumption is happening just for them to reach the United States. Since the flowers are coming from South America, they are farmed under very different conditions than what is allowed in the U.S. Because they are using outlawed pesticides and chemicals, major health-defects are occurring amongst the Colombian and Ecuadorian flower workers. Two-thirds of them suffer work-related health problems ranging from impaired vision and neurological problems. Exposure to these illegal chemicals are wreaking havoc especially amongst the child-bearing women of these groups, as the chemicals they are exposed to are also being exposed to their wombs— and many are giving birth to stillborn infants, or see their children die within a month after birth.

It’s scary to think about what is happening to the people who are hands-on in growing these flowers, but don’t think you’re home-free just because you're in your home. According to Environmental News Network, roses grown in South America can contain up to 50 times the amount of pesticides that are legally allowed on the food we eat, and while the U.S. requires imported flowers to be bug-free— they are not tested for chemical residues, so you may still be bringing the chemicals used on them into your home.

My recommendation is both simple and elegant—cut the cut flowers from your repertoire, and just give a beautiful potted plant instead. Potted plants can be found at any local greenhouse, and instead of lasting a week, they can last indefinitely with a little TLC. Think of the plant as being a metaphor of your relationship— if treated the right way, they will both grow bigger and more beautiful with each passing day, instead of becoming a droopy reminder of things to come.

*Obviously, this is my opinion.

Zombie Nation

2009-02-19T18:32:00.001-08:00

Zombies love nature! And brains!

This idea is SO not girly at all. In fact, it’s probably the opposite of girly. And, despite the fact that my favorite color is pink, and I’m 100% made of sugar, spice, and everything nice, I can’t help the fact that I also love zombies? (Does it soften the topic if every zombie mention is in a decorative font?)

Sadly, an embarrassing amount of free time is spent thinking about zombies, and how to best handle a sudden attack or infestation. (Seriously-- please don’t tell anyone this, I’m only sharing this with you because I trust you... but sometimes at work, when I'm getting a drink at the water fountain and someone walks by me, I think to myself what Iwould do if that person suddenly turned into a zombie? Would there be enough time to run away, or defend myself? In most instances, there would be no good opportunity for recourse, and I’d be a goner.) Yes, I realize this is NOT normal, but isn’t the first step to fixing a problem admitting there is a problem?

“Hi, my name is Kelly. I’m an aquaholic that thinks about zombies a lot?” (Do you think there’s any hope for me?)

Anyway, after watching Resident Evil 3 “Apocalypse” for roughly the 50th time this weekend, I found myself drawing lots of parallels between zombies and being “green.” (And I’m referring to more than just their skin tone… )

Ready for this?

Despite the semi-varying premises of zombie flicks, the constant theme (beyond brain eating) is that the zombies always win. Even though they are ugly, bungling messes with non-functioning brains-- since they act purely on their basest of instincts, they always seem to prevail over the over-analytical humans. Zombies effectively oust humans from the number #1 spot on the food chain, as humans make up a large part of their food pyramid.

In light of recent current events, zombies have more relevance than ever, as they seem like they have the potential to be the dream American citizen.

Consider:

They are like the purest of hippies, with all forms of bathing becoming nothing but a vague memory. (No need for toilet flush taxes, or water restrictions for them!)Toxic waste would stop being created, and land-fills could be left alone to rejoin nature.

Al Gore would just eat up the idea of zombies! They eat only local organic foods, never fly commercially (or, ahem, in private jets) and in fact they forsake cars and all forms of public transportation in favor of walking everywhere. They wouldn’t even blink an eye if not one drop of fossil fuel was ever used again.

The government would love them because zombies don’t think for themselves, (nor want to), and have no need or concern for their money. They could care less if their kids had good educations available to them. Their entire existence revolves around working just for food, and racking up tons of bad credit wouldn’t be an issue.

No one could ever blame zombies of being racist or sexist, as they truly consider themselves to all be equals.

It seems like zombie movies hit closer to home than any of us realized, as these movies are obviously really just cleverly disguised satires of our current social situations. I mean, come on people! If we could all just learn to act a little bit more like zombies, our government would be so much happier- and isn’t that really what we all strive for?

As usual, I could go on and on, but I am recommending to myself to stop now, as I don’t want to put any ideas in the heads of the scientists working in the U.S. equivalent of the underground (literally) “Umbrella” corporations.

What is this "goop"?

2009-02-18T10:43:00.001-08:00

It’s not jealousy speaking, I swear. Instead, it's really more of a mixture of head-shaking confusion and dismay. Granted, she is doing exactly what I want to do, but on a much larger scale. If I had Gwyneth’s assets, my lifestyle blog would definitely be as aesthetically pleasing as hers (if not better☺). At least, I’ll give her credit where it's due, her web-design team did an awesome job, and the site (appearance wise) is super cute.

It’s the content and concept though, behind Gwyenth Paltrow’s new lifestyle blog "GOOP" that leaves me head-scratching…

For instance, where did this name come from?

She named it “GOOP?” Are the 'G' and 'P' for her initials, and she just needed some letters to shove in between? “Gap” was obviously already taken, as were a bunch of other G&P combos, leaving “GOOP” as the only domain name available that fulfilled her stringent requirements?

What does the name “GOOP” mean?

If you heard that word as the title of a blog, what would you assume the site would be about? Bulk sales of the vintage slime left over from Nickelodeon, Ghostbusters movies, etc? Some weird new kids’ product trying to cash in on the popularity of strangely named things? (Worked for the “Wii”?) Glue porn? I’m really going out on a limb here trying to think of what “GOOP” would be a good title for… and really, I am struggling. Maybe an extension of Rachael Ray’s site, where she shared recipes for things you can make out of mashed up bugs? I would love to be privy to the rationale of the think-tank that came up with this title, and then I’d like to smack them.

What does the tag-line mean?

"Nourish the inner aspect." Trust me girrrl, if I knew what the heck my inner aspect was, I'd be feeding it! Mmmhmm!

I explored her site, hoping to stumble across some sort of mission statement, but was unable to find anything that satisfactorily explained what this site was about. What I did find though, was a link to “little black dresses” under her “GET” section. Intrigued, I checked it out and was rewarded with a scroll-down fashion show of Gwynnie looking all sorts of cute in outfits that revolve around little black dresses. I love this concept, and had fun looking at the outfits her stylists obviously put together for her. But, this was also when the serious eye-rolling began.

It’s great for someone who is considered a fashion icon (or, who at least considers themself to be a fashion icon) shares their fashion tips with the world. Advice on styling a bunch of different looks out of one article of clothing could be very helpful, especially when it's based on a piece most people already have hanging in their closets. Unless of course, the down-to-earth fashionista features clothing consisting of labels such as Balenciaga, Chanel, Gucci, YSL, and Christian Louboutin, and other haute-couture brands that are well beyond the average persons’ means of attaining.

In times of economic distress, it seems so wrong to advertise designer pieces that almost no one can afford. Manipulating people into wanting things that are way out of their price-ranges is partially what got us into this financial trouble to begin with. (And- do you think the people that can afford this stuff even give a moment’s thought about Gwyneth Paltrow’s lame web-site as a source of fashion ideas? Like, Olivia Palermo wakes up before work, and when she can’t figure out what to wear she’s thinks to herself, “Oh, I know! I’ll check out Gwyneth’s site and see what outfits she would think are cool!” Um, no chance.) This is really her advice for girls who want to live like her environmentally-conscious self?

To be fair, her reasons for why she wanted the site are sound. In her own words, “GOOP is a collection of experiences of what makes life good. My life is good because I am not passive about it. I want to nourish what is real, and I want to do it without wasting time. I love to travel, to cook, to eat, to take care of my body and mind, to work hard. I love being a mother who has to overcome my bad qualities to be a good mother. I love being in spaces that are clean and nice.”

Somewhere between her (alleged) web-site inspiration and her web-site actualization, things went horribly awry. Combining her celebrity and resources, she really does have an excellent opportunity to make a great web-site that can expose lots of people to good ways of living stylishly "green." If she wants "GOOP" to be anything more than a short-lived pop-culture joke reference, she needs to do 2 things (yes, I consider myself an expert now):

1. Get realistic about who her target audience is!
2. Be much more clear about why her site exists. What are her goals in having this site? What does she hope to accomplish with "GOOP" beyond making money and creating tons of GOOPy clones? (Ew.)

All I can say is- the way things are now, her road to hell is paved with "goop" intentions…

If you thought the idea of 8 spiders was hard to swallow...

2009-02-17T10:11:00.000-08:00

I don’t even know where it originated, or if it should be referred to as an “urban legend” or “old wive’s tale” or what, but regardless- everyone has heard of the alleged fact that the average human eats 8 spiders a year in their sleep. (Some sources say it's 8 spiders a week!)

Ugh, sounds so disgusting. There you are, innocently dreaming away when a busy-bodied 8-legged freak decides to get all up in your business, and make your mouth it's new hangout spot. Little do they know that their presence on your tongue triggers your biological response to start chewing, and it’s bye-bye Itsy Bitsy.

Even though I heard this “fact” multiple times, I easily dismissed it as lore. Until… I woke up a few times with things that looked suspiciously like spider-legs stuck in my retainer. (Yes, I still wear my retainer. Big-ups to Dr. Drummond!) And then there was that time that I woke up and blew my nose, only to find a curled up dead baby spider in my snot. Ew eww ewww!

I begrudgingly accepted the fact that maybe people do eat bugs in their sleep, and even though it was disgusting to think about, it’s not like we’ve heard of anyone dying from this, so it can’t be that bad? Right? Right?! (The stories about the unlucky person who had a Black Widow crawl into their drooling mouths have yet to circulate I guess?)

Thinking about it in broader terms (and by that, I mean beyond myself), people around the world voluntarily eat insects all the time. Bugs are supposed to be a great form of protein, and tasty to boot. I mean, who can argue the wisdom the great Judy Blume has imparted on us? She was cognizant of these bug-eating issues, and tried to educate a whole generation by writing multiple “fiction” books on this very topic. There is “Superfudge” and the nice old neighborhood lady who made delicious chocolate chip cookies with worm bits, and then the descriptively titled “How to Eat Fried Worms,” just to name a few. Judy obviously knew what was up. (Either that, or she had a loose-lipped husband that worked in a peanut butter plant?)

Anyway, with the recent far-reaching outbreak of salmonella in a Georgia peanut-butter factory, food cleanliness has been brought to the forefront of the daily news and people’s imaginations. So people, imagine hearing the news of what is really, legally in your store-bought food.

Yes.

Ohio University conducted a study which shows that we eat from one to two pounds of insects each year, without knowing it.

The following sounds like ingredients Harry Potter and the Weasley twins would need for a batch of trick sandwiches for the Slytherins, but really- these are things in YOUR grocery cart:

30 insect fragments and at least one rodent hair mixed up in your creamy
nutty deliciousness that is peanut-butter.

20 maggots of varying size in any given can of vegetables.

Up to 25,000 plant lice in a measly 10 ounces of beer. (And, I could go on.)

Yup- the government knows about, and condones this!
In fact, the Food & Drug Administration (FDA) publishes a booklet that lists the maximum amount of “defects” each food item is allowed to contain before health problems arise. The rules are changing constantly, and there have already been six different versions of “The Food Defect Action Levels: Levels of Natural or Unavoidable Defects in Foods That Present No Health Hazards for Humans” since 1995. Among the booklet’s list of allowable “defects” are “insect and rodent filth (both hair and poop), mold, insects, rot, insect larvae (maggots), mites, insect
eggs, parasites, mildew and foreign matter (which includes 'objectionable' items
like “sticks, stones, burlap bagging, and cigarette butts”).

As anyone who has ever picked a fresh piece of fruit or vegetable knows, nature is unpredictable and invasive. Even if you’re personally over-seeing small quantities of produce growing in your backyard, it is impossible to keep the wayward worm, spider, or other “natural contaminant” out of your apples, corn, or green-beans. Now imagine what a food processing factory must be like, with different personnel of different skill-levels in and out all day long, huge food containment areas that are impossible to micro-manage, and rodents and insects that are biologically attracted to the food. The FDA allows the presence of a certain amount of naturally occurring “defects” t our food because it is “economically impractical to grow, harvest, or process raw products that are totally free of non-hazardous, naturally occurring, unavoidable defects." Meaning- it would be way too expensive to implement systems where every piece of food, everywhere, was kept in pristine condition, especially when the vast majority of “defects” occurring are completely harmless. (When food items do exceed the FDA approved "defect" percentages, they are immediately removed and disposed of.)

Interesting side note- a man who had worked in a food factory for a number of years did develop a way to keep foods safe from bugs and rodents. He implemented his new techniques at a local mustard factory. The resulting “pure” batches of mustard contained zero “defects,” and yet everyone who sampled it complained that it tasted funny. So, not only do the bugs, etc., add flavoring that we like to our common food items, we have been consuming them for so long that we are unconsciously accustomed to this, and our taste-buds have come to expect these surprise ingredients.

We only consider these things to be gross due to our nation’s current perception of things. The FDA considers these defects to only be “offensive to the senses,” which is to say “ugly” as opposed to “harmful.” Bugs in our food is really not bad — many people in the world practice entomophagy (eating bugs). "They're actually pretty healthy," says Dr. Philip Nixon, an entomologist at the University of Illinois.

The unsettling part comes from the fact that despite food’s eye-catching packaging and nutritional labeling, we don’t really know what we’re putting into our mouths. However, we have been eating these things all of our lives, and just didn’t know it. These additions to our foods are not hurting us, nor harming us physically in any way, and are in fact increasing the food's nutritional value and taste. While ignorance is bliss and most Americans are not ready to see a fly or a mouse leg in their cereal or loaf of bread, if the "defects" are ground-up into unidentifiable bits and mixed in with the other food ingredients- should we even care if we’re eating it?

It took me a few minutes to really stomach (ha) the concept, but walking down the long hall to the bathroom (it seems this where I do my best thinking?) I decided that it’s like making the best of everything nature has to offer, and not letting anything unnecessary go to waste- and instead just go to your waist.

"Use me for my body"

2009-02-16T13:47:00.000-08:00

Let's just say, it was the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen hanging in a closet.

When my grandparents moved from their huge house in Chestnut Hill to a two-bedroom apartment, it required everyone chipping in and helping them sort through 40 years worth of accumulated belongings. Packing up my grand-mother's vast walk-in closet was in itself an extremely daunting feat. However, adequately armed with my love of clothing and my grand-mother, I rolled up the sleeves of my Juicy hoodie and delved in.

It turned out to be like going through a fashion time machine; there were the Pucci dresses with matching tights, countless collage inspired Koos van den Akker creations (which ranged between 30 to 5 years old and whom my grand-mother views as a style deity), her wedding dress from the 1950’s, the dress she wore to my mother’s wedding in the 1970's, skirts that were so high-waisted they could double as tube-dresses, and I could really go on and on. (I’ll touch briefly on the beaded, ethnic necklaces from Africa, the sea-shell belts from New England, and the hats and lace under-things from Europe, just for s’s and g’s.)

I wasn’t really thinking anything was out of the ordinary when I went to reach in for the cinnamon colored satin shirt, until I felt hard lumps and bumps beneath the silken material. When I pulled back the collar to see what was underneath, I was horrified to see the countless empty eyes staring back at me. Their teeth were bared, as if ready to attack, and I don’t blame them- I’d unwittingly uncovered them from decades of entombment.

“Mom-Mom?! What…is….this?”

Turns out, taking the entire bodies of minks, gutting them, sewing little beads in place of their eyes, and then attaching them to each other to form a stole*, was quite fashionable at the beginning of the 19th century. The thing hanging in my grand-mother’s closet with the satin shirt cover had belonged to my grand-father’s mother, Ida, and had been acquired during affluent times before my grand-father and his parents emigrated from Austria to the U.S. in order to escape Hitler. To make it across the world safely together, they had been forced to barter and bribe away the majority of their possessions. Although neither my grand-mother nor grand-father liked the stole with the beady beaded eyes, they both felt required to hold onto it, as it was one of the only items to make the transition with them from Europe to the United States.

This might be the one piece of fur I would never wear. Sorry, PETA.
Apparently Victoria Beckham has jumped on the PETA band-wagon, and is forsaking her love of fur in exchange for political correctness. As I’m sure you know, PETA thinks wearing fur is an absolute outrage. Lindsay Lohan doesn’t care, and still rocks furs whenever she pleases, but I don’t know that I really want to cite her as an example... among other reasons, I don't think she's particularly partial about anything, and her main squeeze SaMantha has insinuated that Linz loves any and all furry/hairy things. (Especially beaver fur.)

Please don’t get me wrong, I love animals. Love, love, love them!
But, I love my fur coat too.

‘Tis true, I have a fur-lined coat which keeps me nice and toasty warm even on the chilliest of winter's days. It’s not ostentatious, as the fur is on the inside, but I secretly feel luxurious every time I slip it on. My grand-mother is of the mind-set, and often repeats her mantra, that “if everyone had a fur-lined coat, there wouldn’t be any wars in the world.” While I’m not sure about the validity of that, her sentiments towards fur can certainly be felt.

As PETA would have you believe, animals bred on fur-farms lead terrible, abused lives, only to be slaughtered in the end for their fur. However, this isn’t true. These animals live decent lives, never have to worry about where their food is coming from, and in death their existence goes on to be widely beneficial. (And, they’d die whether they were on a farm or out in the wild. At least on a farm, good can come from their lives?)

If these animals were left to live their lives in the wild and die naturally, their bodies would be destroyed and wasted by rot or stomach acids of the animals higher on the food chain that ate them. On a farm, every bit of the animal goes to another use.

The fur and skin goes to making fur coats, leather shoes, Uggs, belts, wallets, etc. For minks in particular, they have a thick fatty tissue underneath their fur, which is used to make a highly-valued oil which is needed for many purposes, from leather conditioner and preserver, to hypo-allergenic facial cosmetics and lotions. Some farmers sell the meat of the animals as crab bait, or give it away as food for wildlife preserves, zoos and aquariums. Others will use the animals' bodies to make organic compost, or the carcasses can even be bought and rendered down to provide raw materials for a wide range of products, from tires and paint to makeup, glue, and organic fertilizers.

Fur-farmers are the ultimate recyclers, NO part of the animal is wasted.

I like to look at it like wearing fur is the first step in vindicating the animals’ lives. I will wear my coat until it falls apart, it makes me happy every day, and by using these animal by-products, these animals’ lives were not in vain. Their lives have gone on to benefit countless other being’s- doesn’t it give more meaning to the animal’s life if it’s existence can be utilized and benefited from, long after the animals’ life-span has ended?

The bible looks at the situation the same way I do, and states that “cruelty towards animals that does not serve any human purpose [i.e. cruelty for its own sake] is prohibited. Cruelty required to serve any human need or desire or benefit is justified." In the Bible, animals are considered part of the bounty put here on Earth by God for humans to enjoy, like plants, rocks, and water. Humans can enjoy these in any manner they see fit (aside from sadism!) whether they want to eat them, wear them, do medical experiments upon them (with findings geared towards helping people), keeping them in zoos, or to keep as pets.

Sorry PETA, but it doesn't seem you have any legs to stand on, whereas I have at least 2.

* Old- fashioned term for shawl or wrap. Think today's equivalent of a pashmina.

Addendum to Things NOT to Recycle: Relationshits

2009-02-16T11:43:00.000-08:00

OMG- forgot a major recycling no-no: your own romantic partners!! Granted, your friends’ exes are off-limits, but I completely overlooked the idea that YOUR OWN EX’s should be completely off-limits too! Although it’s tempting (especially with the recent passing of Valentine’s Day, and Hallmark subsequently reminding you how important it is to be paired off) to go back to someone tried and true- (you know they have the capacity to be in a relationship with you, you know you have the capacity to be in a relationship with them) you have to remember, these relationships dissolved for a reason. Probably because they were, as Dane Cook likes to describe, “relationshits.”

When I signed on to the Internet today, intent at the moment on Googling whatever random thing had popped into my mind , I was momentarily distracted by an eye-catching article on MSN’s homepage. “Romantic Mistakes We Stubbornly Repeat*.” After a Valentine’s Day spent with my grand-mother and her friends at a Pennsylvania Dutch all-you-can-eat smorgasbord, I figured this article could shed some light of a few things for me?

Although there were some good-points made, there were also some not-so good points made. To be fair though, the article was written by a dude, so he gets some points just for being so candid, in-touch, and public with his emotions. What he and I do agree on though, is that as tempting as it might be to take your ex back, do yourself a favor and remember that your ex’s are your ex’s for a reason. As a famous “Sex and the City” scribe describes, “It’s called a ‘break-up’ because it’s broken.”

Common emotional mistakes people make regarding their ex’s:

His views on Taking Them Back: You broke up with him, but even if he was a total jerk there is still a soft spot in your heart. You remember the good times, and — hey — it's not THAT fun being single. Often, we end up taking back people who have hurt us in the past or who just didn't work out. Not sure how often this works out, but doesn't it seem like we would be able to say "no"?

My view on this? You cannot recycle people, people. Again- it’s called a “break-up” because something was broken.

His views on Getting Lied to Repeatedly: Isn't it terrible when someone stays in a relationship while they are being lied to? It seems like everyone on the outside knows what's going on, but that person in the relationship believes everything to the point of blindness. In a perfect world, we'd learn from one lie, but often we think that lies are isolated incidents when in fact we could be getting lied to repeatedly.

I say, don’t we all know people who lie to themselves about being lied to??

If you personally don’t know anyone who is in a relationship where they are blatantly being lied to by their partner, just refer to popular TV shows, as it's a great, current theme. Take the silly model Alli on “The City,” who had the other woman confront her face-to-face and tell her exactly what she did with Alli's boyfriend, and yet Alli still ended up deeming the other girl a liar, and her boyfriend trust-worthy, despite the whole encounter being taped and aired for everyone to see.
What?!

I sadly, can also personally relate. I’m having massive déjà-vu right now (and am getting angry again, both at him and myself!) of the time when I received a text message from my then boyfriend, who was away at our alma-mater for a football weekend. The text read something like, “I had sex with your boyfriend last night, didn’t know he had a girlfriend until I looked at all the text-messages on his phone. I’m so sorry.” When I got my boyfriend on the phone, he denied sleeping with anyone, claimed he had no idea who would have sent something like that, and plead his innocence over and over.

“Why,” I asked him, “would anyone send a message like that to me if it weren’t true?” His answer- must have been one of his friends playing a joke on him. Haha?

Embarrassing as it is to admit this, I believed him. In retrospect, (I'm smacking myself in the forehead right now) god, I’m an idiot! But, people will believe what they want to believe.

At some point, it has to be realized that there is nothing for other people to gain by “lying” about your partner’s infidelity. Wake up, dump him, and don’t ever again waste your time on someone who doesn’t appreciate what they’ve got with you!

His thought on Staying With Someone Wrong For You (a.k.a. "I can change him/her"): Why do we stay with people when they are jerks, and why do we keep thinking we can change people? It's much better to be alone than to be dating a jerk. Why can't we apply that common sense?

I think, isn’t this just another way of lying to yourself?
I exist because my mother was guilty of being with someone she thought she could change. She felt badly for the childhood my father had endured, and thought that if he could only be properly loved, and see how to properly treat people, he could emerge from his cocoon of dysfunction as the butterfly husband of her dreams. After trying repeatedly, in every way she could think of, she divorced him 15 years later.

People are who they are, and don’t change. This has nothing to do with how much someone loves you, and might want to change for you- it is just impossible to change the person that people are born as.

He thinks it's a Mistake to Confuse Physical Intimacy for Emotional Intimacy: When we are in the heat of the moment, emotional closeness gets all intertwined with physical closeness. Sometimes we feel that if we can get close physically, it will eventually lead to a close emotional connection. I can say I have never gotten into anything special that was sparked by a physical connection and, believe me, I've tried. The deeper relationships grow out of a gradual emotional connection. Nevertheless, sometimes we think if we have physical intimacy, then something might come of it.

I agree, but I think from a girl's perspective- you get physically intimate with someone in the first place because you see a future with them, and want them to be who you think they have the potential to be... and basically this is all of the other mistakes compounded into one, lying to yourself, hoping to change someone... etc, etc.

The goal of having a gorgeous environment should include every aspect of your life. If you diligently recycle all of your soda cans and newspapers, while car-pooling to work every day in your Prius, and yet find yourself unsatisfied and unhappy with your love life- there are ways you can improve that aspect of your universe too.

Like everything else, it’s important to not give up, and keep on making the little changes and improvements to your life that will add-up to big time rewards. On to greener pastures, my friends! ♥

*If you’d like to read this guy’s article in its entirety with no interruptions from your green friend, please feel free to check it out at MarieClaire.com.

Top 10 Things NOT to Recycle

2009-02-13T11:02:00.000-08:00

WE are recycled. (Yeah, I’m still on this whole Charles Darwin kick.)

Nothing about the genealogy of any of us is unique, and we are all just made of bits and pieces of our ancestors- with the people amongst today being comprised of the best traits our ancestors had to offer. (according to Darwin’s theory, anyway.) Plagues, wars, plate-tectonics, and god knows what else- obviously somehow our ancestors lived through whatever horrible things happened during their lifetimes, or else we wouldn’t be here.

So. Yea, recycling is a very good thing. However, when recycling is so thoroughly ingrained into our beings, is there anytime when, dare I say it… recycling is not recommended...?

Kelly Green’s Top Ten List of Things NOT to Recycle:

1. Your friends’ boyfriends.

Come on – respect this number one rule of girl law! I’m not saying anymore more about this.

2. Tampons.

(Maybe, I can just simplify this and say anything entering/exiting your body or involving bodily fluids, should explicitly not be reused amongst people? This blanket statement could cover a bunch of pertinent stuff, like syringes, condoms, thongs, newborns, and yes- even tampons, and boyfriends.

3. Jokes.

I’m kind of on the fence about this one. I think it’s hella funny to interject humorous movie quotes and punch lines, as long as your audience generally understands that what you’re saying is not original. There was this one kid in high-school who used to always say “funny” things in conversation, only to get called out seconds later. “You totally just stole that line from Chris Rock’s stand-up.” He would sheepishly shrug and acquiesce, but the damage had been done. The seed of doubt had been planted in everyone’s minds about the validity of this kid’s jokes, and then he couldn’t get a prom date and ten years later he goes to the movies by himself. (For real, saw him there, had the awkward 30-second catch up convo where he verified he was there by his lonesome. On a Friday night.) See the correlation?

Don’t let this happen to you, kids. It’s not ok to steal jokes, but it is ok to “borrow” them. Example: [insert any line from a “Flight of the Conchords” song here]

4. Names.
Again with the stipulations. In the Jewish religion, you are not supposed to name a baby after anyone one who is still alive, as the superstition is it this would take away the person’s soul. (Or something equally bad like that.)

I agree with this idea- if you want to name your children after your dearly departed, that’s fine, but it’s weird when there are five people in a family all with the same exact name. (Sorry numerous “Johns” I love, but it is annoying!)

Case in point:

Ring ring. (in case you’re unfamiliar, that is the sound of a land-line telephone.)
“Hello?”
“Hi, can I please speak to John?”
“Um, which one?”
“John Green?”
“Ok, but which one?”

Having multiple people with the same name leads to frequent, frustrating “Who is on first” type of conversations. Parents, please get a little more creative in this department?*

*I think the current trends almost bode well for me, with “Apples”, “Seraphinas”, and “Paxs” running around, it seems parents are now trying to be as outlandish and deranged hippie-like as possible when it comes to naming their children. This is also kind of annoying in itself, but in a completely different way. And, bless Octo Mom's heart, she now has opportunity aplenty to name babies to her heart's content.

On a final note about this topic- do Apple's parents really think that the little fruit of their loins is going to be thankful for her name when she’s an adult?

5. Voice messages.
It is super lame if you always leave the same exact voice message on people’s answering systems.

You know the types.

“Hi Kelly, it’s Boring calling. It’s 6:30pm on Tuesday, Feb 10th, please call me back.”

When I see missed calls from people that I know are serial offenders of this, it makes me even less inclined than usual to listen to their voice-messages. Why waste my time going through the hassle of checking my voicemail when I can look at my “missed call” log and learn in 2 seconds exactly everything the message would have told me?

6. Food that has gone bad.
There’s a fine line between when bananas are over-ripe and perfect for baking, and when they’re nasty brown mush that are only fit to throw out. I hate hate hate wasting food, but it’s bad for your health to try and make edible dishes out of food that’s prime has expired. Use your freezer, use your common sense, use your imagination, and this never has to happen. Take care of the food while it’s good, because no one should eat your spoiled, moldy old groceries, no matter what concoctions you transform them into.

7. Cliches.
Cliches are stupid, which is why my “Top Ten” list ends here. ☺
This is also telling, as aside from these listed 7 things, there are no limits on what can be reused, recycled, and reborn.

My contribution to Darwin...

2009-02-12T17:21:00.000-08:00

Today would have been Charles Darwin’s 200th birthday. (And coincidentally, also Abraham Lincoln’s.)

In celebration and recognition of Darwin’s b-day, on the radio this morning they were talking all about him and his contributions to science with the whole “survival of the fittest” theory.

They had an expert on evolution on, who was sharing interesting “survival of the fittest” anecdotes. For instance,did you know that different colored swans have different colored lice living on them, so that the swans are unable to see the lice on each other and nip them off? True story- even the smallest creatures in the “swamp niche” [radio guy’s words, not mine] have evolved themselves in order to survive and prosper. (Even lice can live the American Dream!)

Upon hearing this, my brain naturally started spinning in a million different directions with all of the implications of Darwin’s findings. Evolution. Survival. Adaptability. Looking hot... hey, looking hot is really what “natural selection” is all about.

The whole “survival of the fittest,” and “natural selection” ideas all really come down to one thing- why different species choose whom (or what, depending on the species?) they mate with. The best-looking members are the ones most likely to be selected by the opposite sex to mate with. Why? Because the physical appearance of something subconsciously and instantly alerts to the health and vitality of the being in question.

**This is one of my favorite games, so I love that I can interject it real fast in here to prove my point!**

Would you rather… have Zac Efron or Harrison Ford, father your children?

Both are handsome, charming, and more than capable of providing for you and your brood. Chances are though, you’d probably pick Zac because you instinctively know that he is younger, and therefore more fertile and virile.

Would you rather… have kids with someone who had lost both legs in a car accident, or had been born with Downs Syndrome?

Both obviously have handi-caps that would need to be dealt with daily, for the remainder of their (and your) lives. But, you’d probably pick the amputee, because subconsciously the appearance of the person with Downs Syndrome is alerting you to the fact that there is something wrong with their genes, and their genes would not be the best to pass along to your children. The person who lost their legs would be the better choice, as there was not something congenitally wrong with them and that would bode the best for your children between the two choices.

Amy Winehouse, or Taylor Swift?

Without either one of them even opening their mouths, you can tell just by looking that Amy Winehouse is a hot-mess, whereas Taylor Swift looks healthy and clean.

For animals, that generally have much shorter life-spans than humans, I totally buy the idea of survival of the fittest, with the “fittest” pairing off and reproducing as soon as physically possible. When the length of life is so unpredictable, they undoubtedly feel a burning drive to reproduce, and get their offspring out into the world as soon as they can. For humans though, arguably the most evolved life form on the planet, I think it works the opposite.

Nature is so elegant, and everything evolves so perfectly it’s scary. As the human race progresses, those major fertility indicators, such as appearance, can be more and more controlled. Whereas the condition of human hair and teeth used to speak volumes about a person’s well-being and health, these attributes can all be controlled and contrived now. The appearance of youth, femininity (i.e. big boobs), hair color, thickness of eye-lashes, even odor, can be manipulated to confuse and trick the opposite sex’s senses. Because of this, I think that the idea of human “natural selection” has flip-flopped from that of animals.

My sister and her best-friend have an ongoing joke about this, that every crack-head they know is getting engaged (much to their single chagrin).

They’re right though. It seems like the crappiest people keep pairing off, two by two, while the quality people remain single. (Of course there are exceptions to this, please don’t be offended if you’re one of lucky, normal ones that found true love at a young age.)Are humans going through the opposite process of animals’ natural selection, where those with the less than desirable genes take themselves out of the pool early (and settle), so that those with the good genes, who are pickier and smarter, wait until they meet people who are worthwhile to procreate with?
I think, yes.

Case study 1: Heidi Ho

Unfortunately for me, I used to be a manager at Abercrombie & Fitch. The then 22 year old manager, (let’s call her Heidi Ho- and off to work she LOVED to go), was one of the biggest whores I’ve ever encountered. She’d try with moderate degrees of success to seduce our 17 year old employees, would stay at work after the mall had closed in order to get gang-banged in the near-by Hollister, and could not go one day without running into at least one person she had “known” (but whose name she could not necessarily remember) in the biblical sense. At the time, it was amusing to hear her tail tales in a morbid/sordid/outrageous, can’t-help-but-look-at the-car-accident way kind of way.

And then she got engaged. To her super hot, super nice boyfriend. WTF?!

This was a few years ago, and I honestly hadn’t thought about this girl in ages. Until... my sister and I were in A&F the other day during my search for the perfect pair of baggy and distressed boyfriend jeans, my sister started doing her thang and chatting up everyone around her. It just so happened that the new store manager was the one ringing us up, and since my sister of course brought up the fact that we both used to work there (yeah, total nepotism- I hired her, and then subsequently fired her about a month later. In my bedroom, very professional I know, because we had gotten into a fight about something so stupid I can't even remember what it was. Probably went down something like this, “You’re such a bitch!” “Yeah, well, you’re fired!” In hindsight, I wish I had the sass to incorporate the appropriate Donald Trump hand gesture right there.) , and that’s when the name dropping began.

“Did you know so-and-so?” Heidi Ho’s name quickly came up, and we were informed that she had apparently just left A&F for an assistant managerial position with Wal-Mart. And she was engaged, again. To another guy!

Case Study 2: Abbie Sara Stephens (Yup, her initials were ASS, regardless of how you prefer to arrange initials. Ironic, ain't it?)

This girl, literally, was a crack-head. She woke up, rolled out of bed and rolled a joint. She'd smoke it, go to class, do some coke instead of lunch, go home, and then drink until she passed out. And oh yeah, slept with every dude that crossed her path. This went on for a few years until her parents put her in rehab. When she got out, she was better, in the sense that she wasn’t sticking needles in between her toes and getting them stuck there anymore, but she was still smoking herbs and doing lots of dudes. Her one boyfriend broke up with her, because he hacked into her computer, and on the web-cam caught her having sex with a group of multi-racial dudes. (She was an equal opportunity whore.)

Guess the ending to this one yet? Yup- this girl’s engaged too.

You probably all know girls and guys, exactly like this, while your best friend, who is the best person in the world, remains single because she won't date every loser that she meets.

So, here’s my theory Darwin. The way that the fittest survive has evolved, and now the people that have the genes worth sharing, are more selective in whom they share with. Thoughts?

Easy, eco-money

2009-02-11T10:37:00.000-08:00

I have never had so much fun with web-sites before that didn’t involve porn!

Just kidding! About the last part anyway... because these web-sites are awesome! Both involve making money from recycling and cutting down waste, with minimal efforts on your part required. Green for green, I love it!

Ok, so the first site is like a sperm bank, for gadgets.
The good folks at Hewlett-Packard have developed a trade-in program where they’ll give you money for your goodies that you don’t want anymore. (Although it’s run by HP, they are pretty open-minded, and are open to all makes and brands.)

Instead of jumping off your adventure with selection of enhancers like “Edward Penishands,” “White Men Can’t Hump,”or “Batman in Robin,” the fun here begins when you choose the genre of equipment you want to trade-in for straight cash. These options sound so mundane in comparison- such as cameras, computer monitors, or PDAs. You probably have tons of this stuff all over your house anyway, why waste it if you could better dispose of it, and make money at the same time?!

Further information is needed to estimate the worth of your unwanted load, like make, model, age, etc. Once you share all the details, and they receive and assess your special delivery- a check is put in the mail to you. HP will make sure your bits and pieces are placed in fostering new homes, and everyone has a satisfying happy ending.

Other options in this vein: CellforCash.com pays up to $100 for used cell phones, depending on the model , or see Kiplinger's "What to do with your high-tech has-beens" for additional information.

The second site helps you recycle and cut the waste of money.
When I found this site, MissingMoney.com, I seriously sat down, made myself comfortable, and entered every person’s name I could think of to see what their “unclaimed” money situation was.

States are at this very moment, sitting on billions and billions of dollars worth of unclaimed assets- from lost bank accounts, misplaced bonds and securities, dividend checks, uncollected utility deposits to unclaimed insurance policies.

I felt like a contestant on the “Price is Right” when I entered my own name, silently repeating “Big money, big money” to myself. I had nothin'. However, my dad had 3 pages worth of listings. My aunt and my friend’s dad had a few. No one I have (ever) worked with had any- but that person whose mail we accidentally got one time? Yeah, that person had some unclaimed money too. (All you need to check is a person’s name and state. I wasn’t trying to steal identities or anything, just being nosey!) I have even returned to “Favorite Grandchild” status (narrowly beating out my sister, who to my grand-mother’s infinite joy is the first of us to get engaged,) since alerting my grand-mother to the fact that my grand-father had three unclaimed deposits.

This is a ton of money, that is currently just being wasted, and you should all know by now how I feel about things being wasted… not good!

Other options in this vein: To cast a wider net, go to UnclaimedAssets.com to learn where to look for billions of dollars' worth of unclaimed assets held by the federal government, including Social Security checks, tax refunds and pensions.

So.... um, this is kind of awkward, but what are you still doing here?!
Go, click away, and be merry! (And feel free to let me know what kind of money you were able to score from these sites!)
Best wishes! xoxo

A Gay (in the happy sense of the word) Marriage of Ideas

2009-02-10T14:27:00.000-08:00

I don’t know how this girl at work does it, but even though her desk is separated from the hallway by a wall that obviously obscures her line of vision, she always calls out my name as I walk by. She doesn’t give off much of a creeper vibe, so I didn’t think she had cut out peep-holes through the office wall or anything, but I couldn’t satisfactorily figure out how she always knew it was me when I walked by. Finally, one day I just asked her.

“Dude, how do you always know when it’s me walking by!?”

She contemplated for a second, and then responded, “Well, different people just sound different when they walk.”

Hmmm, so simple, and yet intriguing. (And, also, a bit relieving to know that it wasn’t a case of super offensive B.O. that was pre-announcing my imminent arrival.)

I mulled this over as I walked down another hallway to the bathroom, my jumble of necklaces jangling with each step. She was right, I realized, my J.Crew obsession has made me a freaking, walking noise machine. Whether it’s the weird noise my skinny cords make when my legs rub against each other, the stomp of my high-heels, or the clink of my accessories against the over-sized buttons on a blazer, it is almost physically impossible for me to walk silently, and/or creep up on anyone.

It makes me feel better to be able to blame things on anything besides myself. My scape-goat for the noisy walking? Easy- the stack of J. Crew catalogs that I keep next to my bed (for getting dressed inspiration) dictate the varying textures and pieces I adorn myself with now.

So, if you’ve read my few previous posts, or been shopping within the last few years (whether in a mall, online, or just innocently peaking through the delightful catalog surprises that arrive right to your snail-mailbox), you have undoubtedly seen for yourself the handiwork and expertise of my burning girl crush, Jenna Lyons, the creative director of J.Crew. Under the support and watch of CEO Mickey Drexler, Jenna has beautifully and profitably expanded her company to now include cute (but noisy) jewelry, shoes, clothes, etc. In addition to her awesome additions, she is also the one to thank for making sure that everything is so expertly styled in all of their marketing pieces so that you can't help but drool over every page. (I am not exaggerating, I KEEP a STACK of J.Crew catalogs on my nightstand, for good reason!)

Jenna, in a completely non-creepy way, you are so my muse…

Although J.Crew stores can be found in most malls, the thoughtful details of the merchandise, and the personal touches incorporated into their mass marketing (catalogs and email blasts) ironically make this retail giant feel like your favorite neighborhood boutique. Lending to the boutiquey feel, all J.Crew outfits have an unique flair about them, there are personal shoppers readily available to personally assist you, and if you need help with anything- the appropriate J.Crew specialist is made to seem easily accessible with hand-written looking notes online and in the catalog to call “Ashley, the wedding specialist” at her desk number. It’s so smart! The merchandise is accessible to anyone in the country, yet despite this they have maintained an “one-of-a-kind” feel.

If I had to describe J.Crew’s aesthetic, after a lot of thought, I’d have to say that J.Crew’s emphasis is on timeless Americana, it's a style that a teenager, thirty something, or grandparent could all wear and make their own. There is a definite ‘prepster’ vibe to it, but it’s almost tongue-in-cheek making fun of preppy clothing, and depending on how you put the pieces together any desired look is achievable.

J.Crew’s emphasis and impact on “American” style could perhaps most easily be proven by the fact that out of all the clothing companies in the world- the new first daughters wore J.Crew children’s pieces for their father’s presidential inauguration.

Under the umbrella of “an easy American style,” J.Crew could easily expand to incorporate many successful “green” concepts and tactics. (At last, where I become relevant! ☺) There are so many avenues to go, it’s hard to know where to start with spilling my guts on this topic, but just a few- in rapid succession:

- They could create an internal organic clothing line (obviously I was going to say that one).

- They could design stores with all organic features- lots of windows for natural lighting, bamboo floors, recycled hangers. (Come to think of it, Jenna would probably totally love this idea- while researching (stalking) her online, I learned that she likes things to look a little lived-in.

“I like things that get better with age,” she has said. “Maybe it is frayed a little on the edges, maybe it is starting to wash down a little too much. I actually think that that looks good. That, to me, is classic.”

A store that used recycled wood pieces for hangers, and floors, and had threadbare oriental rugs and vintage chandeliers, and refurbished dressing-room doors and counters would be so cool to look at, shop in, provide new uses for pre-existing things, and be totally J.Crew.

J.Crew does not do any advertising beyond their catalogs and website. Staying within these parameters, there are cool marketing, eco-inspired methods they could take to increase foot traffic and sales.

- Already offering student and teacher discounts, they could offer an additional discount for bringing in an old J.Crew catalog with purchase. This way- the catalog is still serving it’s purpose by showcasing the clothes that make it necessary to go to the store, J.Crew can take all of those catalogs and make sure they’re properly recycled, and at the same time they’re getting tons of trackable info about their customers. Win, win, win!

- Along these lines, they could also offer some incremental discount for bringing in reused J.Crew shopping bags? J.Crew would save money on having to produce less bags, the shopping bags that do exist would get taken better care of- and if people were using them more often- it’s free publicity for J.Crew, and less junk taking up space in land-fills. Everyone’s a winner*.

- They could also take Juicy Couture’s idea of offering a discount for donating gently used J.Crew clothing to a charity of J.Crew’s choice. (While there are TONS of noteworthy charities throughout the world, I feel like their focus should remain on issues in America?) Again, they’d be increasing sales while doing good for the country, and at the same time they would be generating a “hey I'm doing something good!” feeling at point of purchase to stave away any feelings of buyer’s remorse.

Really, I could go on and on, but all I’m saying is that I love Jenna Lyons, and thanks to her I love J.Crew. In combining all of my loves- Jenna, J.Crew, shopping, fashion, the environment- I think there could be so many fun and exciting ways for J.Crew to go in the future.

Jenna once said that her goal was to be able to hear people say "Oh, my God, I have to go to J. Crew." Just from over-hearing passerby’s in the mall and purveying the shopping bags people are carrying while I people-watch in the food-court, I think that she is one of the lucky/enviable/extremely hard-working people whose dream has become a reality. It would be hard to improve upon her specific brand of perfection- but I’d certainly love to help contribute to a J.Crew “eco” expansion.

Hey, if I'm following the trends Jenna sets, I should dream big, right?

*Well… everyone would benefit, except the bag makers. But, survival of the fittest would force them to evolve and adapt- and either make more durable bags, create ways to make shopping bags more earth friendly, or… ?

Does this technically make me a "womanizer"?

2009-02-09T09:45:00.000-08:00

I wonder what it’s like, to be relatively anonymous, and yet have so many people obsessed with you? Like, you’re famous, but the average Joanna Shmoanna on the street couldn’t identify you if she fell over you, and was head-to-toe wearing your creations?

It’s hard to imagine the thoughts that must go through my #1 gal’s mind. She can walk down her NYC streets, eat in the hot restaurants, go through an airport- and those pesky US weekly photogs and paparazzis leave her alone. She sees everyone wearing her clothes, and yet the paps don't see her.

Unfortunately- for me at least- I have yet to see her in the pages of US Weekly… (Maybe if she didn’t wear underwear, was in a tumultuous relationship with Lindsey Lohan, or hung out with Brit Brit we’d be more likely to see her?) And, as much as I personally would love more glimpses into her daily life, (even if it was only to see what she was wearing day-to-day, but god, does this make me a stalker?!) if she was always hanging out at Tao with Paris and K-Fed, and ergo plastered all over the daily mags, she just wouldn’t really be HER, would she?

Maybe she can go the route of Michael Kors, and star in an awesome Bravo reality show that would air in between seasons of "Rachel Zoe" and "Millionaire Matchmaker"? (Hey, a girl can dream, right?)

When I reveal her name though, it might be an anticlimactic moment for you.

“Who?” you may say. (Unless you’re in the fashion industry, in which case you probably have heard of her, as due to the millions of interviews and features written on her, it seems her notoriety and reputation precede her.)

My sister’s been bugging me for days, and at the climax of this, she too will be like, “ummm, from everything you say, she sounds like she's pretty cool… but who the h. is she?!”

Despite her relative anonymity, it’s highly likely that you all have at least one piece of her handiwork in your home at this very moment. Maybe even on your body? (I know I do!) Her genius has spread out, to encompass the perfect something for everyone in your social spectrum- from your favorite male, your nieces and nephews, your spoiled pooch, all the way back to yourself.

Drum roll please…. I am proud to at last annouce, that:

Kelly Green ♥’s Jenna Lyons! (aka, the Creative Director of J.Crew)
Admit it- J.Crew has done a massive 180, and now it is not only expanding- but getting better and better at every point along it's rise. (My nerdy love of word play and punnery is driving me to point out that the fancy dud's that Jenna creates and we all don, are the opposite of "duds". Ha ha?)

In list form, here are but a few of Jenna's most notable, recent contributions to J.Crew:

Wedding gowns and CUTE bridesmaid dresses. With my sister’s impending wedding on the horizon, um, I’m actually looking forward to bridesmaid dress shopping? (Never thought I’d be able to say that…) And, although I’m far away from wedding gown shopping myself, I will certainly keep in the back of my mind that J.Crew’s wedding dresses are made out of the same Italian Clerici duchesse satins that Vera Wang and Chanel use for their $$$ dresses.

Adorable childrens’ clothing that makes me either a.) wish I was still 12 years old and 4’2” so I could wear the line myslef, or b.) start popping out some babies of my own, immediately, just to play dress-up with.

Decadent, vintage inspired jewels and baubles. J.Crew’s jewelry line has proven to be extremely well-received by the it's adoring public, and profitable to it's nurturing parent company. By all means, check out their "jewelry" section on the website, and tell me that with their current creations you can really say you’re surprised?

Beautiful, “designer” quality, jeweled and embellished shoes. J.Crew makes their shoes in the same exact factories as does Gucci and Prada. Because J.Crew acts as both the designer, and the retailer, they have effectively cut out the “middle man,” and the consumer is able to reap the benefit of uber-quality shoes in significantly lower-than-Prada prices.

Really, I could go on and on, but as I’m trying to down-play my stalking here,(and reduce the risk of future restraining orders) I’ll leave you with just that short (and yet highly impressive) list of Jenna Lyons accomplishments.

☺

And, with that long lead-in, my next entry will feature my spin on where me and the environment come in.

Lord knows I ♥ boys. But...

2009-02-04T10:35:00.000-08:00

At the moment, Robert Pattison and Zac Efron are aces in my book. (And no, sadly I am far from my tween years.) My crushes on boys (including the boys I actually know, the ones I don’t, and the ones I hope to know someday ☺) come and go like the changing of the seasons. Instead, it’s been my (non-sexually driven) girl crushes that make like an old Cranberries song and “linger,” on and on. (That song reference alone should be a good portent of my real age.)

From second to fifth grade, my super girl crush was on the perfect, tiny and angelic Kristen Coco. She was the smallest girl in the class, with blonde baby-angel hair, and therefore could pull off pretending to be a newborn bunny infinitely better than I could. And- she had a television in HER BEDROOM, on which she could watch “The Little Mermaid” tape (that she had gotten for her birthday), whenever she wanted! I used to yearn that someday my life could be as perfect as hers.

Then, as I got older, my admirations drifted from pretending to be a baby animal, to a mix of sass and gore… which could only lead me to Sarah Michelle Gellar.

Oh, Sarah Michelle.

How I love thee. No one will ever be able to kick ass with the aplomb and style which she did. She dated the cutest boys, always had the perfect quip, wasn’t afraid of anything, lived in a world where vampires were real (God! Why couldn't she have met Edward Cullens?!), and went through everything with the most perfect head of hair. While I will love Sarah Michelle (and any/everything she touches- “The Grudge”, anything Joss Whedon related, her taste in aesthetics, her hottie hot husband Freddie Prinze Jr… sigh. Her’s is a gifted existence, for sure) until my dying day- my new super-duper girl crush outshines even the space in my heart permanently engraved “S.M.G. 4-eva”…

My current girl crush surpasses any infatuation experienced before. (And, I haven’t even mentioned the longest running girl-crush possible [for me], but I am hesitant to open that can of psychological worms and actually admit that I’ve been obsessed [literally, since my day one] with my mother. Oh. Oops. The latter day version of Freud needs to come around and coin the term for a daughter version of the “Oedipus complex,” except… I don’t want to marry my mom. Ew! I just want to be exactly, exactly like her. Which actually serves as an excellent segue to the revealing of my new #1 gal…)

Like my mother, she’s tall. Like my mother, I want to be like her in a wide variety of realistic ways. Like Sarah Michelle, she kicks ass with amazing style, and like Kristin Coco, she has a pretty cool bedroom. (A picture of her “closet” is currently my computer’s wall-paper. I’m hoping there is some truth behind the good fortune that can come from the presence of an “inspiration board,” as recommended from such classics as Oprah’s touted book “The Secret” and the sophisticated sitcom “Always Sunny in Philadelphia”? )

Like all of my girl crushes, she inspires me tremendously. And maybe, like with the others, I kind of want to be her?

At this point, you’re probably wondering to yourself—“ok… how the heck does this tie into the environment?” Or, “If she says her new crush is on Mother Earth, I am out of here!” If you’re thinking anything along these lines- fair enough. However, despite my love for Rob and Zac, I don’t think I’m that cheesy…?

In an attempt to coherently draw together the strange synapses that make up my thought process, I’d like to share something someone famous said a long time ago. I’m paraphrasing this, but essentially whoever this sage was, said that in order to be successful, you need to take two steps.

1. Identify what you love.
2. Figure out a way to make money doing #1.

Can it be that easy? While I don’t want to “do” my new girl crush in the biblical sense, I am cooking up ideas inspired by this recommended plan of action, and her. (Sounds so romantic. It’s not?)

Her identity, and my plots, will be revealed later. In the meantime, please feast your eyes on my inspiration for today: her closet. (Please imagine a choir of angels and pre-pubscent boys singing now.)

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

2008-07-28T18:23:00.001-07:00

Ah, my world- she is a-changing.

Not to brag or anything, but my recent verbalized environmental consciousness appears to be rubbing off on those near and dear to my green heart- which is the best inspiration as it only spurs me on to do more!

(Lucky you.)

So, my boyfriend called the other day after a shopping spree at Walmart with some green news he thought (correctly) I'd get a kick out of. Turns out that Walmart is now printing receipts on the FRONTS and BACKS of the piece of paper- cutting their receipt paper usage in half. I loved hearing about this, as I think it is such an elegant, easy way to make a note-worthy change. And, the beauty of this, along with a lot of other "green" methodologies, is that in addition to benefiting the environment these companies are also benefiting their budgets by making such little changes. (Also- I am not trying to say that I know the powers that be at Walmart, and that my green nagging had anything to do with the new receipt format. All I'm saying is that now my boyfriend noticed the change that may not have registered [no pun intended] with him otherwise.) Baby steps...

A changed person I can take credit for is little sister #2. Once, the cause of my bathroom dumpster diving (HAD to retrieve her carelessly tossed shampoo and conditioner bottles, and properly move to the recycling bin) is actually starting to notice exactly what she is consuming, and taking responsibility for how she is disposing of it. My crowning moment came when she proudly pulled out a tiny little drawstring bundle out of her purse the other day.

"What the heck is that thing?" I inquisitively inquired.

"Oh, just my new reusable shopping bag. It folds up into itself, see?" To which she proudly demonstrated. My heart swelled, now if she'll just remember to use it...

Not to be outdone, little sisters #1 and #3 have also come up with their own green scheme, to sometimes hilarious results. The back of our backyard butts up against a wooded area, and over the back fence any unusable food item is now tossed. Whatever the animals don't eat can decompose into fertilizer, and that much food is kept out of the landfills. It is comical in that my mother absolutely cannot find out this haphazard compost pile, for fear of "attracting the animals." (And frankly, considering I was just diagnosed with Lyme's disease AND West Nile Virus, maybe that neurotic matriarch is on to something after all...) My in-the-know little brother is distressed by the whole operation, because, well, he's not sure that the squirrels like popcorn and lettuce. To which little sister #3 retorts, "Then it can rot! Better then being in a landfill!" He usually doesn't have a response, and sighs as the girls win yet again.

Although there is still lots and lots of room for improvement, little sister #3 sums it up as simply and eloquently as only a 14 year old could; "There are 7 people in this house, if we all just make small changes it can add up to a lot of change. And, any good we can accomplish is better then nothing at all."

And that is exactly why I'll keep on writing.

Kelly Swells for Sea-Shells...

2008-06-30T13:33:00.000-07:00

Down by the sea-shore.

Just like a bathing-suit clad toddler or sweat suit covered older lady, I like to collect sea-shells.

Just like the weird, grizzled guy with the ponytail and the metal detector, I too am searching for lost treasures from the sea. (However, when I at last see the glint of gold shimmering beneath seaweed, pebbles, or sand, my resulting prize is a pretty sea-shell, whereas his is usually a beer can. I win! And my pony-tail is cuter.)

Just like a greedy gull after having located that which is desired with beady eyes, it’s hard not to take every last morsel for myself. (Fortunately for those people around me, I don’t show my spite by shitting all over them.)

It can't be helped! Even though I'm 27 years old, I love sea-shells! During the hot days of my family’s annual summer vacation to Newport, Rhode Island, I can often be found slowly walking by the ocean’s side with my head down, eyes rapidly searching amongst the tide’s current offerings for an undiscovered intriguing sea-shell.

Ever since I was little, I never knew what to do with all the shells I found captivating, and would sadly leave all but the most unique behind. (Sometimes I would even have to smuggle some precious shells home from the beach, against my mom’s warning that they were going to smell, attract bugs, etc.)

For those less discriminating, there are lots of ways to come by shells- just some aren't as organic as others.

Obviously, being an area so close to the ocean, seafood plays a very dominant part in the local food industry- even the pizza shops offer “lobsta rolls,” and seafood pizza. I always wondered what the restaurants did with all of their empty shells, considering that shellfish based foods- clams chowder, mussels marinara, and lobster- were the source of their livelihoods. Opposite from the murky depths of their origin, most of these shells find their way into the bottom of landfills.

It’s depressing to think that tons of shells are being dumped into land-fills, because beside the fact that they are pretty, they can also be used for so many other, useful things. The shells can be mixed in with asphalt, mortar, and concrete to make sturdy and aesthetically pleasing sidewalks and parking lots. Or, the shells can be ground down into new sand to help replenish the weathered beaches- a full circle solution.

Or, you could make a sweet puka shell necklace...just kidding!

Recently, I stumbled across another lovely alternative, a company that appreciates the beauty of shells, wants to keep them out of landfills, and has patented a process to accomplish all their goals. With deals in place to receive the discarded shells from sea-food restaurants, Artful Wares takes old shells and repurposes them into the most exquisite home items.

The design teams at Artful Wares grind up old shells (they’re partial to ones from their home state of Maine) and then add the shell pieces into a patented solution that once hardened and buffed, creates the look of sparkling marble. This treatment can be applied to the handles of silverware and serving utensils, trays, and even tabletops. The available hues, pinks, blues, creams, are all colors that some may find hard to believe have occured naturally in nature. Mixing the shells together also creates some beautiful results, like the blue and orange speckled dish shown from a Mussel and Lobster shell collaboration.

Ah- a solution for waste after my own green heart; useful, creative, desirable, and, pretty- with the bonus of including sea-shells. ♥

http://www.artfulwares.com/store/

Reincarmachination: A New Life for a Sad iPod

2008-06-30T08:43:00.000-07:00

You know that heart wrenching episode of Sex and the City where Carrie “sad Macs” her lap-top? She was just wearing some over-alls, minding her own business, working on some sassy Sex article, when all of a sudden- the computer screen went blank, and a kind of scary face with the eyes X’ed out and a tongue hanging out of it’s mouth (am I making up the tongue part?) popped up.

When I first saw that episode, I wasn’t even sure if this phenomenon was real, or made up for Hollywood’s sake. Until, it happened to me.

There I was, at the gym, trying to get pumped up for a nice 4 mile run. After a quick stretch, I went to turn on my i-Pod and get it to the perfect play-list for the occasion. Waiting to hear the cacophony of adrenaline boosting rhythms from Missy, Beyonce, or new Britney, I was instead greeted by silence. Looking down to see what the problem was, I saw that ugly, sad face with the creepy X’ed out eyes (and possibly a lolling tongue) staring back up at me. I had sad podded my i-Pod! There would be no running that day.

Now happily ensconced in a new hot and heavy relationship with my i-Pod Shuffle, I sometimes still reminisce about my first i-Pod, and the love that once was. They say you never forget your "first", and for good reason. So many memories together; those long walks on the beach, steamy baths, road trips, soothing me to sleep… and now, literally a shell of what once was, is tucked away in my secret girls-stuff drawer because I don’t know what else to do with it.

Hopefully you never had to look into those evil-for-sure XX eyes yourself, but chances are that even if you have never had the unfortunate experience of an MP3 player dying in your arms- you still have upgraded to a newer version at some point over the past few years. Realistically, with the ever increasing menu of features appealing options available; colors, LCD screens, smaller sizes, it would be really, really hard not to have traded up. (Damn those amazing marketing and inventing geniuses at Apple!)

But, with this being the case, you are now kind of like me. As much as you might love that new trophy MP3 player, you’re still stuck with the remains from the ex.

Enter Reincarmachination: DIY ways to get a second-life out of your gadgets, in this case-iPods.

If you Google the topic of dead iPOd uses, you’ll get the some seriously nerdy suggestions like “How to Measure the Height of a Tall Building Using Only a Dead iPod and a Stopwatch.” (Seriously. Read below if you don’t believe me.) I however, am more interested in beautifying the world, both at large, and in my home. So instead of throwing these things out and contributing to the 1.9 million tons of yearly discarded electronics coagulating in the landfills, I wanted to come up with some suggestions that get some extra, albeit unintended, use out of past-their-prime MP3 players.

When I put the question “Hey, do you have any ideas for what you could do with a dead iPod?” to my usually outside-of-the-box thinking boyfriend, he thought for a second before replying.

“Why don’t you give it to Jack to take apart?”

Although the idea to give it to my 12 year old nerd brother for his amusement would provide an unintended use for the thing, my initial response was exasperation. Giving an old MP3 player to your favorite nerd to geek-out with was the best solution he could come up with?!

Curious as to what a bonafide nerd would suggest, I asked Jack the same question. His response?

“Umm, Popular Science’s website has a link to things people can do with old iPod circuitry and parts?” Thanks Jack, but again- don’t know that’s advice I want to spread amongst a bunch of girls?

Determined to come up with some outstanding ideas on my own, I set about dismantling the thing to see exactly components I was dealing with.

Unfortunately, the immediate discovery that the shell of the iPod was comprised of one piece dashed some of my initial ideas. (I.E. Fashioning an iPod into a compact. Wouldn’t it be cool to reach in your handbag, pull out an iPod, flip it open and use the mirror inside to ideally just powder your nose, but more realistically probably checking for Spinach between your teeth?)

Having to face the literally cold, hard facts of my endeavor, I wracked my brains to come up with other ideas.

The first idea to take sprout: an iPot. After having removed the innards of the iPod, you could put some soil inside the remaining shell, and through the hole where the control pad once was, plant some herb or flower seeds. The contrast of technology and nature would be very interesting, and the little plant growing out of an iPod would brighten up your office desk, kitchen sink, or random window sill. Bonus nature points for being able to see the growing roots through the screen.

Or, you could create an iPod Coated Candy Shell by using the empty iPod shell as a container for the candy of your choice. You should probably avoid sticky confections in this scenario, as they might be messy. However, gum, nerds (the candy kind, not the brother kind), tic-tacs, or candy hearts would look cool showing out from behind the iPod screen, and would be kept whole and fresh behind the protective casing.

Alternatively, you could keep it intact, and place standing up on a bookcase or desk somewhere as a decoration/knick-knack. In 20 years, it will be neat to have the thing to be able to show your kids what you used to listen to music with. (Lord only knows what music technology will be employed by that point!)

Whether you take the iPod apart or not, there is an awesome guy in Denver who will buy whatever iPod surplus materials you find yourself with. On average, depending on the model and it’s condition, he pays around $20 to $50 dollars for your iLeftovers. This guy buys people’s unwanted and busted devices, and then either fixes and resells them, or salvages the parts and resells those; all the while reusing his packaging materials and walking to the post office to pick up his packages. It’s a great concept, because he is getting re-use out of parts and pieces most people would have no idea what to do with, and making it worthwhile for people to contribute the needed goods for his business.

I know I will be seeing green all over if after creating my Flower iPot, I can be paid for the remaining guts, while preventing the addition of my stuff to the trash graveyard!
http://www.buymytronics.com/

If all, all, else fails, Apple has a recycling program that collects their dead minions.
http://www.apple.com/environment/

If all, all, all fails, feel free to get in touch with me- I have a little brother you could make very happy.

How to Measure the Height of a Tall Building Using Only a Dead iPod and a Stopwatch

1. Go to the top of the building.

2. Drop the dead iPod off the top of the building.

3. Using the stopwatch, measure the length of time, t, that it takes for the dead iPod to fall from the top of the bldg to the ground and smash to smithereens.

4. Using your above time measurement, and knowing the acceleration due to gravity, g, you can compute the height of the building:g = 32 feet per second per second = 9.8 meters per second per secondBuilding height = 1/2 g * t * t