Oh shit! TP is bringing the environmental apocalypse?!

I am a staunch believer of keeping it green in the bathroom.

Consider:

• When my sisters brush their teeth with the tap water going full-force, I yell at them. (“Were you planning on taking a minty bath in the basin when you’re done?”)

• When there are all kinds of empty plastic bottles in the bathroom trashcan, I suck up my pride, hold my nose, and dig them out so that they can be recycled properly. (Certain weeks of the month are scarier than others.)

• When it comes to hair-styling, I let my hair air-dry as much as possible before I use my electrically efficient hair-dryer to put on the finishing touches.

Basically, when it comes to bathroom environmental etiquette, I am no slouch. And yet, I recently heard terrible news about something so integral to the bathroom, that it almost made me have to go to the bathroom. An esteemed scientist is going across the country, spreading his research about the latest environmental catastrophe American’s are unknowingly committing…

Allen Hershkowitz, the lead scientist at the Natural Resources Defense Council, published an article with the New York Times detailing his research that proves beyond a doubt that America’s demand for soft toilet paper is destroying the world’s rain forests, and thus causing the end of the world. For example, he believes that “people just don’t understand that softness equals ecological destruction.”

And ah… the media does love their fear mongering, and once introduced they happily romanced the shit out of this story like only the current media could. After processing the information in Hershkowitz’s article, the bastardized love-children equivalent of articles abounded with titles such as these:

“It's [toilet paper] As Bad For Planet As Hummers, Groups Say”
“America's Love Affair with Really Soft Toilet Paper Is Causing an Environmental Catastrophe”

Really?

Snippets from these articles include fear-inducing delicacies such as:
“The tenderness of the delicate American buttock is causing more environmental devastation than the country's love of gas-guzzling cars, fast food or McMansions, according to green campaigners. At fault, they say, is the US public's insistence on extra-soft, quilted and multi-ply products when they use the bathroom.”

Hershkowitz’s story goes like this: only the fibres of virgin trees can be used to achieve the softness of paper that American’s crave-- recycled fibres just cannot be made to feel the same way. Because of this, evil toilet paper companies are going crazy trying to keep up with everyday toilet paper demands, and therefore deforestation is running rampant. Tree holocausts are happening left and right in order to satisfy American’s greedy bowel needs. The media would like you to believe that entire forests are being wiped out (ha), and innocent 300 year old trees that never hurt nobody, are being hacked up for doody duty.

To this affect, Hershkowitz is not asking for that much; he just wants your soul. Just kidding, he really just wants you to suck it up and wipe yourself with the scratchy, recycled stuff. "This is a product that we use for less than three seconds and the ecological consequences of manufacturing it from trees is enormous," he says. (I can’t help it, every quote I read of his, I am imagining an illustrated South Park scientist vehemently saying, arms waving all around to show the seriousness, with the letter “s” slightly lisped and strong emphasis on action words.)

It’s amusing (and by amusing, I really mean depressing) that so many trusted media outlets picked up this story and ran with it, without doing any real homework on the topic.

The idea that my fiber-intake was part and parcel to the decimation of forests and CO2 gas overloads really upset me-- enough so that I felt inclined to take 5 minutes out of my day to quickly Google the topic. To my utmost relief, by doing this I was able to to find intelligent arguments that sufficiently quelled my TP blues.

So, here's the truth behind the latest fake environment scare.

People that cut down trees for paper are doing it for business purposes. Part of running a successful business means making maximizing resources, and minimizing unnecessary waste.

To that point, when a North American tree is cut down, not one twig, branch, or piece of bark goes unused. The best pieces are used for home-building or furniture, of which there is the largest demand. Paper, including toilet paper, is made from the sawdust and chips that are left over from sawmilling. The left-over bits that are not suitable for paper (such as bark and super fine sawdust), are burned to make energy for the sawmill and dry out the lumber. In the end, absolutely 100% of the tree is used.

As soon as a tree has been cut down, a new tree is planted. This is a business after all, and in order to run a business new materials have to constantly be available. Although damage was done to North American forests during the Industrial Age, foresters have since realized the error of their ways, and are now very conscientious (and intelligent) about repopulating their wood supplies. To wit, there are more trees currently in the US than there were 100 years ago. Interestingly, over that same time period, the U.S. population has more than tripled. That’s a lot more bottoms needing toilet paper, and yet — no deforestation.

People like Hershkowitz, who claim to be environmentalists and yet make big stinks (again, ha) about fake eco-nonsense, do much more harm for their “cause” than good. The beneficial role of forestry is made clear by the fact that the countries that have stable or growing forest area are the ones that use the most wood; as is the case for North America, Europe, Australia, New Zealand, and Japan.

In an attempt to scare everybody, the media and propaganda spreading activists have tried to manipulate the public into thinking that when we use wood we are destroying forests, when in fact the exact opposite is the truth: the purchase of wood products sends a signal to plant more trees, and produce more wood.

The International Panel on Climate Change and the Kyoto Climate Treaty specifically recognize that forest management plays a positive role in absorbing CO2 and preventing its release in the first place. It is stunning that Allen Hershkowitz, senior scientist for the NRDC, seems to be unaware of this.

Wood is far and away the most abundant renewable material on earth. It is scary (and by scary, I again mean depressing) to think that so many “environmentalists” are campaigning against forestry, when the alternative building materials are concrete, steel, plastic and more use of fossil fuels.

Of course we should (and do) recycle paper that is suitable for recycling, and we already do this for newspapers, cardboard for packaging, and printing paper. For toilet paper though, come on, get off our backs and leave our butts alone.

Paper Chasing

Granted I kind of live in a bubble, but for me, Slumdog Millionaire seemed to be the beginning of an Indian infiltration into the American culture. If you tune in to any “pop” radio channel, Bollywood remixes are being repeatedly played, Frieda Pinto-- the beautiful female lead of Slumdog-- is said to be in talks to star as the next Bond girl, and now the Indian culture has even made its way onto little ol’ Kelly Green’s blog. I love this, and am happy for the opportunity to be exposed to some new, previously unknown (for me, anyway) cultural diversity.

Since this is written, I can incorporate any special effects I want. For instance, I’m rewinding time to go back one week:

While sitting on a train going to New York City, I was killing time (see, time is my bitch in this word world) by restlessly thumbing through that week’s trashy tabloid. After having read about Rhianna’a alleged pregnancy and Jen & John latest drama, I stopped on a page of green “must have” accessories. Sure, the certified oak “iWood” iPhone cover was pretty sweet, but $110 seemed like a steep price for some pocket wood. There was a cute reusable lunch bag, but come on US Weekly (or whatever magazine it was), we are all ALREADY hip to the reusable bags! Instead of these, the item that really caught my attention was like the runt of the litter in a box full of frolicking puppies. Instead of aggressively seeking my attention, in the corner of the page there quietly sat a couple of thick, multi-colored bangles that were woven together out of paper-mached newspapers. They were unlike anything I had ever seen before, looked so unique and chic, were reasonably priced at under $30, and were such a good idea that I felt like felt like I had to share “Wellpaper’s” products with everyone I could.

After politely asking my lovely travel companion if I could rip the page out her glossy magazine, I carefully folded up the page and tucked it away in my cavernous purse, intent on further researching later.

Now, we are fast-forwarding to that Monday, when I first got a chance to Google my query. While I was really expecting links to Kitson and its ilk to pop up so I could tell you where to buy these cutie cute bracelets, I was surprised to instead first find the home page for the company, which revealed the inspiring and heart-warming history of Wellpaper and its goods. (And provides the tie-in to my India based introduction.)

Rewinding again: In 2004, an Israeli couple up and moved their family to a little town in India. She was an artist whom specialized in paper mache crafts made out of recyclable materials, and dabbled in social work. He was an accountant by trade. Once in India, they gathered groups of interested women, and taught them how to make products out of materials they had available to them (old newspapers and magazines, etc.), and make a business out of it --Wellpaper (Women's Empowerment through Local Livelihood) was thus born.

The village women that compose this organization are loving the fact that they can make their own money to better their families’ quality of living, while building close relationships with their co-workers, and establishing a sense of accomplishment and self-worth. (The site is really cute, there are bios of some of the involved women, and they share their thoughts and feelings in their own words.)

They are taught how to read and write, and are even dabbling in learning the English language. Wellpaper has seen enough success to warrant starting similar programs in 3 additional villages, and their products are being shipped all over the world. In addition to bangles, they also make lot other stuff, like baskets, coasters, earrings, hair clips, plates and key chains, and they are mostly all made out of “raw” materials, newspapers are the most common medium used, but plastic bottles, plastic bags, and old cartons are all fair game as well.

Obviously, buying these products is beneficial in a multitude of ways... and as cute as they are, the least of all being the fact that the Wellpaper accessories can benefit your outfit. The whole Wellpaper concept really appealed to me, because the hand-made, one-of-a-kind products that these women are making are proof positive of the good that can be accomplished by opening your mind and heart to those different than yourself. With all of the bad things people are doing to each other across the world, it's refreshing and invigorating to hear about such selflessness that is happening right NOW.