Tales from home shopping...

One early Sunday afternoon, as I lay in bed trying to recuperate from a crazzzy Bachelorette party that had occurred the evening before, I was flipping through the tv channels trying to find something good to fall asleep to. “Sleep timer” is a beautiful thing. Usually Sunday afternoons are rife with good, old movies and sitcoms from the 90’s and 80’s that you’d completely forgotten about. (For example, “Overboard” and “3rd Rock From the Sun” are two favorite newly rediscovered oldies but goodies.) However, this particular Sunday-- there was nothin’.

I thought maybe my timing was off, and if I just waited a few minutes and flipped through again, some of the channels that had previously been playing commercials would miraculously be back to the real, awesome programming? "Clueless" or "Bring It On," per chance?

So, I hopefully mustered up the strength to do a second channel run-through, but I wasn’t having any better luck...

Until…I got side-tracked by a smiling model having her shiny model hair fluffed and styled by a funny little man as she sat all resplendent-like in a salon chair. He was spraying stuff, scrunching stuff, and explaining stuff as he went along—and, her hair actually looked really good! Then they flashed her “before” picture, and the flat straight “before” hair was no competition for the glorious, voluminous coif she was sporting now. As this man worked his way down a line of model’s heads (that sounds so pervy), he transformed all of their average mall-do’s into locks worthy of Jennifer Aniston. I was completely and utterly hooked.

Seriously. I was so into the awesome hair makeovers that I was watching, that I was mildly shocked the next time I glanced at my clock and realized my designated napping time had long passed. Foiled! And by the unlikeliest of foes… well played QVC. Well played, indeed.

It turned out that this man, Denis Simioni, has been dubbed the Indiana Jones of beauty products, due to the unusual way he discovered and created his magnificent, Earth friendly Ojon line.

After getting wind that there was a certain, rare type of tree that grew deep in the rain forests, that was capable of producing an incredibly rich form of moisturizing oil, Denis chartered a small plane to fly him over the suspected area to see if he could aerially locate the source. Upon landing the plane, and hiking through the forests for hours, he stumbled into the villages of the Tawira, a tribe of South American Indians that have lived deep in the rain forests for at least five centuries. A friendly people, they were happy to show him their native Ojon tree, and share with him the methods for extracting the oil from it’s nuts.

Loaded with ideas, Denis spent the next three years developing and perfecting his line of hair, skin, and beauty products. First things first, he established an exclusive arrangement with the Tawira, so that his company was the only one allowed to profit from the Ojon trees. Then, he set up methods to extract the oil, in the least harmful way possible. For example, he brought in ovens to heat up the mixtures, so that trees wouldn’t have to be destroyed for fires. Ojon also limits the size of the annual harvests in order to protect the natural resources, and to ensure that authentic Ojon continues to be harvested and extracted by hand in the traditional way as a guarantee of purity and effectiveness.

The Tawira tribes are consulted on all aspects of the business — from product development to marketing. (Also smart from a marketing stand-point: limited supply = increased demand.) In cooperation with the Tawira, he developed a corporate partnership involving thousands of Tawira families. A portion of all profits from the sale of Ojon products goes directly to the Tawira Indian tribes, and the money is used to help preserve their traditional lifestyle and the region's rain forests, while setting up medical and educational facilities for the villagers. Ojon is not just taking from the land, but giving back as much as they considerately take.

I feel like this is the ultimate testament to the selling power of QVC and Ojon combined: after watching Ojon in action, and hearing the spiel, I actually went out to Sephora and bought the line. This is noteworthy because there are a lot of products I think sound cool, but only a small fraction of which that are actually purchased.

And, I was a completely happy and satisfied customer. The Ojon products smell soo good (as anyone around me can attest-- not because the perfume is that strong, but because I shove my hair in their face and say, “doesn’t my hair smell amazing!?” The smell is subtle—I however am not.) My hair seems to air dry nicer, blow-dry easier, and it feels so silky and soft.

So, if TV does rot your brain, at the very least the stuff growing out of mine is being well-nourished…

A Gay (in the happy sense of the word) Marriage of Ideas

I don’t know how this girl at work does it, but even though her desk is separated from the hallway by a wall that obviously obscures her line of vision, she always calls out my name as I walk by. She doesn’t give off much of a creeper vibe, so I didn’t think she had cut out peep-holes through the office wall or anything, but I couldn’t satisfactorily figure out how she always knew it was me when I walked by. Finally, one day I just asked her.

“Dude, how do you always know when it’s me walking by!?”

She contemplated for a second, and then responded, “Well, different people just sound different when they walk.”

Hmmm, so simple, and yet intriguing. (And, also, a bit relieving to know that it wasn’t a case of super offensive B.O. that was pre-announcing my imminent arrival.)

I mulled this over as I walked down another hallway to the bathroom, my jumble of necklaces jangling with each step. She was right, I realized, my J.Crew obsession has made me a freaking, walking noise machine. Whether it’s the weird noise my skinny cords make when my legs rub against each other, the stomp of my high-heels, or the clink of my accessories against the over-sized buttons on a blazer, it is almost physically impossible for me to walk silently, and/or creep up on anyone.

It makes me feel better to be able to blame things on anything besides myself. My scape-goat for the noisy walking? Easy- the stack of J. Crew catalogs that I keep next to my bed (for getting dressed inspiration) dictate the varying textures and pieces I adorn myself with now.

So, if you’ve read my few previous posts, or been shopping within the last few years (whether in a mall, online, or just innocently peaking through the delightful catalog surprises that arrive right to your snail-mailbox), you have undoubtedly seen for yourself the handiwork and expertise of my burning girl crush, Jenna Lyons, the creative director of J.Crew. Under the support and watch of CEO Mickey Drexler, Jenna has beautifully and profitably expanded her company to now include cute (but noisy) jewelry, shoes, clothes, etc. In addition to her awesome additions, she is also the one to thank for making sure that everything is so expertly styled in all of their marketing pieces so that you can't help but drool over every page. (I am not exaggerating, I KEEP a STACK of J.Crew catalogs on my nightstand, for good reason!)

Jenna, in a completely non-creepy way, you are so my muse…

Although J.Crew stores can be found in most malls, the thoughtful details of the merchandise, and the personal touches incorporated into their mass marketing (catalogs and email blasts) ironically make this retail giant feel like your favorite neighborhood boutique. Lending to the boutiquey feel, all J.Crew outfits have an unique flair about them, there are personal shoppers readily available to personally assist you, and if you need help with anything- the appropriate J.Crew specialist is made to seem easily accessible with hand-written looking notes online and in the catalog to call “Ashley, the wedding specialist” at her desk number. It’s so smart! The merchandise is accessible to anyone in the country, yet despite this they have maintained an “one-of-a-kind” feel.

If I had to describe J.Crew’s aesthetic, after a lot of thought, I’d have to say that J.Crew’s emphasis is on timeless Americana, it's a style that a teenager, thirty something, or grandparent could all wear and make their own. There is a definite ‘prepster’ vibe to it, but it’s almost tongue-in-cheek making fun of preppy clothing, and depending on how you put the pieces together any desired look is achievable.

J.Crew’s emphasis and impact on “American” style could perhaps most easily be proven by the fact that out of all the clothing companies in the world- the new first daughters wore J.Crew children’s pieces for their father’s presidential inauguration.

Under the umbrella of “an easy American style,” J.Crew could easily expand to incorporate many successful “green” concepts and tactics. (At last, where I become relevant! ☺) There are so many avenues to go, it’s hard to know where to start with spilling my guts on this topic, but just a few- in rapid succession:

- They could create an internal organic clothing line (obviously I was going to say that one).

- They could design stores with all organic features- lots of windows for natural lighting, bamboo floors, recycled hangers. (Come to think of it, Jenna would probably totally love this idea- while researching (stalking) her online, I learned that she likes things to look a little lived-in.

“I like things that get better with age,” she has said. “Maybe it is frayed a little on the edges, maybe it is starting to wash down a little too much. I actually think that that looks good. That, to me, is classic.”

A store that used recycled wood pieces for hangers, and floors, and had threadbare oriental rugs and vintage chandeliers, and refurbished dressing-room doors and counters would be so cool to look at, shop in, provide new uses for pre-existing things, and be totally J.Crew.

J.Crew does not do any advertising beyond their catalogs and website. Staying within these parameters, there are cool marketing, eco-inspired methods they could take to increase foot traffic and sales.

- Already offering student and teacher discounts, they could offer an additional discount for bringing in an old J.Crew catalog with purchase. This way- the catalog is still serving it’s purpose by showcasing the clothes that make it necessary to go to the store, J.Crew can take all of those catalogs and make sure they’re properly recycled, and at the same time they’re getting tons of trackable info about their customers. Win, win, win!

- Along these lines, they could also offer some incremental discount for bringing in reused J.Crew shopping bags? J.Crew would save money on having to produce less bags, the shopping bags that do exist would get taken better care of- and if people were using them more often- it’s free publicity for J.Crew, and less junk taking up space in land-fills. Everyone’s a winner*.

- They could also take Juicy Couture’s idea of offering a discount for donating gently used J.Crew clothing to a charity of J.Crew’s choice. (While there are TONS of noteworthy charities throughout the world, I feel like their focus should remain on issues in America?) Again, they’d be increasing sales while doing good for the country, and at the same time they would be generating a “hey I'm doing something good!” feeling at point of purchase to stave away any feelings of buyer’s remorse.

Really, I could go on and on, but all I’m saying is that I love Jenna Lyons, and thanks to her I love J.Crew. In combining all of my loves- Jenna, J.Crew, shopping, fashion, the environment- I think there could be so many fun and exciting ways for J.Crew to go in the future.

Jenna once said that her goal was to be able to hear people say "Oh, my God, I have to go to J. Crew." Just from over-hearing passerby’s in the mall and purveying the shopping bags people are carrying while I people-watch in the food-court, I think that she is one of the lucky/enviable/extremely hard-working people whose dream has become a reality. It would be hard to improve upon her specific brand of perfection- but I’d certainly love to help contribute to a J.Crew “eco” expansion.

Hey, if I'm following the trends Jenna sets, I should dream big, right?

*Well… everyone would benefit, except the bag makers. But, survival of the fittest would force them to evolve and adapt- and either make more durable bags, create ways to make shopping bags more earth friendly, or… ?

Reincarmachination: A New Life for a Sad iPod

You know that heart wrenching episode of Sex and the City where Carrie “sad Macs” her lap-top? She was just wearing some over-alls, minding her own business, working on some sassy Sex article, when all of a sudden- the computer screen went blank, and a kind of scary face with the eyes X’ed out and a tongue hanging out of it’s mouth (am I making up the tongue part?) popped up.

When I first saw that episode, I wasn’t even sure if this phenomenon was real, or made up for Hollywood’s sake. Until, it happened to me.

There I was, at the gym, trying to get pumped up for a nice 4 mile run. After a quick stretch, I went to turn on my i-Pod and get it to the perfect play-list for the occasion. Waiting to hear the cacophony of adrenaline boosting rhythms from Missy, Beyonce, or new Britney, I was instead greeted by silence. Looking down to see what the problem was, I saw that ugly, sad face with the creepy X’ed out eyes (and possibly a lolling tongue) staring back up at me. I had sad podded my i-Pod! There would be no running that day.

Now happily ensconced in a new hot and heavy relationship with my i-Pod Shuffle, I sometimes still reminisce about my first i-Pod, and the love that once was. They say you never forget your "first", and for good reason. So many memories together; those long walks on the beach, steamy baths, road trips, soothing me to sleep… and now, literally a shell of what once was, is tucked away in my secret girls-stuff drawer because I don’t know what else to do with it.

Hopefully you never had to look into those evil-for-sure XX eyes yourself, but chances are that even if you have never had the unfortunate experience of an MP3 player dying in your arms- you still have upgraded to a newer version at some point over the past few years. Realistically, with the ever increasing menu of features appealing options available; colors, LCD screens, smaller sizes, it would be really, really hard not to have traded up. (Damn those amazing marketing and inventing geniuses at Apple!)

But, with this being the case, you are now kind of like me. As much as you might love that new trophy MP3 player, you’re still stuck with the remains from the ex.

Enter Reincarmachination: DIY ways to get a second-life out of your gadgets, in this case-iPods.

If you Google the topic of dead iPOd uses, you’ll get the some seriously nerdy suggestions like “How to Measure the Height of a Tall Building Using Only a Dead iPod and a Stopwatch.” (Seriously. Read below if you don’t believe me.) I however, am more interested in beautifying the world, both at large, and in my home. So instead of throwing these things out and contributing to the 1.9 million tons of yearly discarded electronics coagulating in the landfills, I wanted to come up with some suggestions that get some extra, albeit unintended, use out of past-their-prime MP3 players.

When I put the question “Hey, do you have any ideas for what you could do with a dead iPod?” to my usually outside-of-the-box thinking boyfriend, he thought for a second before replying.

“Why don’t you give it to Jack to take apart?”

Although the idea to give it to my 12 year old nerd brother for his amusement would provide an unintended use for the thing, my initial response was exasperation. Giving an old MP3 player to your favorite nerd to geek-out with was the best solution he could come up with?!

Curious as to what a bonafide nerd would suggest, I asked Jack the same question. His response?

“Umm, Popular Science’s website has a link to things people can do with old iPod circuitry and parts?” Thanks Jack, but again- don’t know that’s advice I want to spread amongst a bunch of girls?

Determined to come up with some outstanding ideas on my own, I set about dismantling the thing to see exactly components I was dealing with.

Unfortunately, the immediate discovery that the shell of the iPod was comprised of one piece dashed some of my initial ideas. (I.E. Fashioning an iPod into a compact. Wouldn’t it be cool to reach in your handbag, pull out an iPod, flip it open and use the mirror inside to ideally just powder your nose, but more realistically probably checking for Spinach between your teeth?)

Having to face the literally cold, hard facts of my endeavor, I wracked my brains to come up with other ideas.

The first idea to take sprout: an iPot. After having removed the innards of the iPod, you could put some soil inside the remaining shell, and through the hole where the control pad once was, plant some herb or flower seeds. The contrast of technology and nature would be very interesting, and the little plant growing out of an iPod would brighten up your office desk, kitchen sink, or random window sill. Bonus nature points for being able to see the growing roots through the screen.

Or, you could create an iPod Coated Candy Shell by using the empty iPod shell as a container for the candy of your choice. You should probably avoid sticky confections in this scenario, as they might be messy. However, gum, nerds (the candy kind, not the brother kind), tic-tacs, or candy hearts would look cool showing out from behind the iPod screen, and would be kept whole and fresh behind the protective casing.

Alternatively, you could keep it intact, and place standing up on a bookcase or desk somewhere as a decoration/knick-knack. In 20 years, it will be neat to have the thing to be able to show your kids what you used to listen to music with. (Lord only knows what music technology will be employed by that point!)

Whether you take the iPod apart or not, there is an awesome guy in Denver who will buy whatever iPod surplus materials you find yourself with. On average, depending on the model and it’s condition, he pays around $20 to $50 dollars for your iLeftovers. This guy buys people’s unwanted and busted devices, and then either fixes and resells them, or salvages the parts and resells those; all the while reusing his packaging materials and walking to the post office to pick up his packages. It’s a great concept, because he is getting re-use out of parts and pieces most people would have no idea what to do with, and making it worthwhile for people to contribute the needed goods for his business.

I know I will be seeing green all over if after creating my Flower iPot, I can be paid for the remaining guts, while preventing the addition of my stuff to the trash graveyard!
http://www.buymytronics.com/

If all, all, else fails, Apple has a recycling program that collects their dead minions.
http://www.apple.com/environment/

If all, all, all fails, feel free to get in touch with me- I have a little brother you could make very happy.

How to Measure the Height of a Tall Building Using Only a Dead iPod and a Stopwatch

1. Go to the top of the building.

2. Drop the dead iPod off the top of the building.

3. Using the stopwatch, measure the length of time, t, that it takes for the dead iPod to fall from the top of the bldg to the ground and smash to smithereens.

4. Using your above time measurement, and knowing the acceleration due to gravity, g, you can compute the height of the building:g = 32 feet per second per second = 9.8 meters per second per secondBuilding height = 1/2 g * t * t

Coming Out of the Closet

If your storage space was real estate, the land that lay beyond your closet doors would absolutely be equivalent to the most desirable of desired beach front properties. (Park Place, if your storage-real estate comparison was then compared to Monopoly real estate.) The problem stems from the fact that there is far too much demand put on an area that is not nearly large enough to accommodate all.

As I get older, I find myself an increasingly ruthless closet land-lord when determining what can move into the neighborhood, which current tenants can remain, what's going to have to be relocated, and what will be condemned and evicted. It’s no one’s fault, and yet the constant changing of fashion (and the size of my ass) cannot be denied- and some clothes, after having “peaked” must be left out in the cold.♥

There are really so many directions my brain is going right now, like one of those brain-storming activities from 5th grade, the inside of my head right now looks like “Unused Clothes!” in the middle of a pink-pen colored circle, with about 100 idea arrows shooting off of it. How to decide what stays. How to organzie what stays. Other people's closets, Kimora, Mariah, Paris. Storing seasonal pieces.

Deep breaths. Must. continue. with. planned. topic.

And, exhale.
After having cleaned out my closet, usually at the end of one season and on the cusp of the next, I am left staring at 3 distinct clothing piles that need to be taken care of. Throwing clothes away into the garbage (MOM!♥♥) is not an option- it takes forever for these things to decompose, and other people could be benefiting from them. (Including you yourself, dear reader.) Depending on your own personal course of action, you can make $$$ from these piles of the unwanted, add to your karma account if not your bank account, or at the very least, increase your available closet space.

Pile 1: One girl’s trash... ♥ ♥
Chances are if I haven’t worn it in the past year it’s something that I could do without. However, just because I’m over it doesn’t mean that my little sister or best friend wouldn’t/doesn't love it. Some things I want to get rid of just speak to me, and convince me that they want to be adopted by Little Sis or Bestie. It's easy enough to do- hand over the articles, watch them smile, and reap those addicting good-doer’ good feelings. (Endorphins, I believe, is the technical term.) When it’s people you care about, it feels good to do something that makes them happy.

Pros: Making someone else happy, making yourself feel good, efficiently ridding yourself of clothes refuse.
Cons: Not sure there is one? It is frustrating when the pairing doesn’t work out as hoped, whether they don’t like the hand-selected hand-me-down, or it just doesn’t fit, it sucks being back in square 1, but at least you tried. [Read on for what to do in this scenario.]

Pile 2: Good things that can bring in good ca$h.
You know how in the movie “40 Year Old Virgin,” the leading lady had that store called something like, “I Sell Your Junk on E-Bay”? Well. Places like that exist, for real!

For a percentage of the sale price, people will photograph and write-up your old stuff and sell it through on-line auctions for you. Because they are reaping a percentage of the profit, it’s in their best interest to work the system to get as much money for the stuff as possible- when their liveliehood is dependen on it, you better believe they're going to strive for that $1,000 sale and not easily settle for the $20 sale. The remaining percentage that you get back is better then what you would get from having these items hanging in your closet. These e-bay sellers don’t want to waste their time though, and therefore only agree to invest their time in the hawking of items with the most potential to sell. Therefore, the pile of designer jeans and Rebecca Taylor frocks that I spent a pile of money on, can go to one of these guys and pay me back. (A bit.)

Obviously, the idea of getting money for stuff no longer of value to me is appealing. Just Google “Ebay sellers” in your area, and you will be shocked at the plethora available to you.

Pros: You’re making cash money!!! And letting someone else enjoy your good taste at a great discount!
Cons: Depending on the seller you contact, it can be a pain to arrange meeting times, and depending on what they already have in stock or past sales trends, they may choose not to take items that you think are fabulous. There are a lot of these guys around though, so be picky, and go with the one that seems the most pleasant, and has the best online site.

Pile 3: Second-hand = Money in hand
Those items rejected from Pile 1 and 2’s schemes can find a nice, accepting haven in Pile 3- the pile carefully bagged up in a Hefty and dropped down the shoot at the local Goodwill.

I know, I know. This one is sooo obvious. “Uh, duh!” you’re undoubtedly muttering to yourself, “Of course there is the option to drop off the stuff at Goodwill, thanks for that pearl, Kelly.” And, you’re right, it is an extremely well-known method to dispose of your used clothing.

But, did you know that you can write off these clothing donations on your tax return? (I didn't!) It seems ironic to be motivated by money to do good deeds, but… the reality is that money is a great motivator. I can't help it if by doing something beneficial to society by providing good clothing to those less fortunate that Uncle Sam wants to reward me.

All you have to do is go inside the establishment after dropping off your offerings, and list all of the items donated on the facility provided form. Then, come next April 15th, fill in the appropriate information on your tax return, and voila! A good deed that went unpunished!

Pros: For a little bit of effort, you'll get extra rewarded come tax season.
Cons: It's hard (for me, anyway) to resist the temptation of shopping while in one of these places, and thereby undoing the good I'd accomplished.


Road paved to hell...?
Despite my best intentions, I’m not sure that my main idea was manifested. Really, at the bottom of everything, this is not about my glut of clothing, nor my attempts to make a quick buck with a side of charity. The truth behind everything is that I absolutely despite waste.

By finding other uses for clothes that are no longer of use to me- it makes me feel better, like I’m increasing the worth of the item by prolonging its longevity and usefulness (read; getting more out of the money I spent for it.) Making other people happy (the people receiving the items, or the E-bay people making loot from it,) is not a bad side-effect, and most importantly, I’m keeping bags and bags and bags of perfectly good things out of the landfills.

I'm sure that there are many other good ways to dispose of unwanted clothing. I love the group "The Princess Project" that collects used prom dresses and prom accessories, and then sells them dirt cheap to girls who can't necessarily afford to buy their brand-new dream dress and accoutrements. There are tons of ways out there to give away your things while giving back, and I am open to, and happy about, each and all.

The only downside to the whole thing in my experience, is at the end of disposing all 3 piles, and having a nicely edited, organized closet full of the stuff I actually wear and like readily at my disposal, I still find myself standing in front of my closet and feeling like I have nothing to wear.

To you, Bluefly girl, I can totally relate.

♥ Yes- there are those certain pieces that I just love, and will hold onto until they disintegrate on the hanger. Blame it on being scarred from my throw-away happy mother, or my own innate sentimentality, I can't help but keep the pieces that mean the most to me. (However, these treasured clothing articles are few and far between; my denim Abercrombie mini that is so short the majority of the pockets hang out from beneath the hem, [can't wait to show the grandkids that 5'10" grandma used to wear that!] my purple see-through Vivienne Tam halter tank with the silver lame lining, or my bedazzled hankerchief top from my freshman year of college with the back that consists ONLY of two pieces of ribbon that tie into a bow, to name a few.) It was an interesting learning experience comparing my mother who kept NOTHING from the past, to her mother, who lovingly kept every sentimental dress she owned carefully stored away in a large cedar closet in her attic. My grandmother has the dress (with an impossibly teensy waist) that she wore on her first date with my grandfather. My mother has… um... maybe the dress she wore on a date with my father last weekend?

Unlike my mother, I want to be able to share those kinds of things that my grandmother shared with me, and make history a little bit more tangible by having the important pieces of my past that my children and grandchildren can actually touch and feel and experience. (Also, it wouldn't hurt if my grandchildren got extra style-points amongst their peers for rocking cool vintage from Granny.)

♥♥ Sometimes I get annoyed, like, I always give you and you and you such great clothes, yet when you, you, and you clean out your closets, I get bubkas. Not that I give to receive, but it would be nice to reap some of the sewn benefits, or at least know that your friends were thinking about you.

So, an idea that I read about years ago in In Style magazine (and probably have the article tucked away somewhere, see article “Tear and Wear”) that has stuck with me was the idea of a Clothing Swap party. You and a bunch of friends meet up with a bag full of your unwanted items. You drink some wine, you have some laughs, you go through each others casts-offs, and you take what you like. In the case of multiple people wanting the same item, you have a fitting of sorts where each interested individual tries on the coveted item, and the majority rules on who looks the best in it, and who gets to keep it. Fair is fair, and fun. The left-overs from this can go into Pile 3…

Random Tangent Thought: With the advent and prevalence of vanity sizing (size inflation) I wonder what today's sizes will be labeled in 20, 40 years. Will a double zero be the equivalent of a size 6 in 2038? Will a small size be labeled as 00000, or will too many zeros take up too much room and negative numbers will be utilized? "Hi, I'm looking for some size -2 cocktail dresses?" It will be superficially interesting to see what happens...