Juicy and Bloomingdales "reinvention" FAIL

Even though my beloved Olsens stopped wearing them over ten years ago, and laugh and laugh and laugh about the idea of it now—I have still have a pile of Juicy Couture zip-up hoodies in my closet that I am not giving up anytime soon.

Velour, terry, cotton knit, waffle knit, cashmere, fur lined, and in every color of the rainbow; pink, blue, green, pink, gray, camouflage, cream, pink, black, pink, white, pink—over the past decade I’ve garnered quite the collection and still find them to be the perfect outfit topper for many an occasion, despite what the Olsens might think.

Obviously driven by the goal to “SELL MORE HOODIES!!!” Bloomingdales and Juicy are currently staging a campaign trying to show you ideas on how to “reinvent” the idea of wearing a Juicy hoodie. For real. They’re calling it, “the new way to wear Juicy Couture!” I feel like, if it ain’t broke, (and how can throwing on a sweatshirt ever be broken?) wtf are you doing?

While I had no intention of buying anything (I was mildly open-minded though, Juicy has pleasantly surprised me many, many times in the past) I clicked away, viewing all the “new” looks, curious as to how the heck you can wear the hoodie in a new way. I was so hopeful that I would be inspired by something I saw, and be exposed to new styling options for the collection of hoodies I already own… I always love and appreciate inspiration on how to recycle the stuff I already have into new and interesting things.

Expecting urban, subversive and inspiring looks (maybe how to wear a hoodie like a diaper, in a cool way? Or, velour turbans? Studded, jeweled hoodies? Liquid leather hoodies and matching leggings?!) what I instead got was this look: 12 year old tomboy forced to dress up for synagogue.


Yawn. Pairing a zip-up with a skirt is their awesome new styling idea? Um, SO not impressed…

Not wanting to judge too quickly, I frowned and continued clicking through every outfit shown. As I studied the plethora of pictures depicting the alleged *super-cool, new 2009* ways to wear Juicy hoodies, all I could think was—do Pam and Gela know about this?? Do they?? Really?? Who was the eff was the stylist for this?? For a boundary pushing clothing company (I know, I know, seems weird to define the bubblegum trappings of Juicy Couture as “boundary pushing,” but they really are the ones who started making leisure-wear acceptable and attractive enough to wear everyday. Without them, Soffee shorts and old sorority t-shirts’s might still reign supreme for casual weekend attire... ugh.) this was so common-place, and...boring?

My gut tells me that Pam and Gela know naught of this lame sales attempt, and the whole thing is probably masterminded by Bloomingdales. (Also weird though, Bloomingdales usually gets so much right?)

But I mean, really. Jeans a sweatshirt?? What a novel concept. (Open-toed booties do not make this outfit "new.")

Juicy sweats and doc martens? Good god I hate this:


This one is ok.... but even still—kind of on the boring/generic side from two companies that are usually dictating the hottest of hot new trends. AND, not 100% sure why this outfit was even shown, because unless the sweater is gray terry cloth, or the leggings are black velour, this outfit doesn't even feature any components of the classic Juicy tracksuit?

This is the only one that gave me moment to pause, because while not amazing-- it still introduced to me the idea of wearing a tracksuit with heels. Like, if this girl was confident enough, this is an outfit she could wear out to a happy hour-- and I'm not sure there are many other ways to make tracksuits bar appropriate?

While disappointed in Juicy/Bloomies execution of project "how to reinvent wearing Juicy hoodies," I'd like to leave on a happy Juicy thought: starting on the day after Thanksgiving, last year Juicy offered a promotion where if you brought in old Juicy clothes (which they would give to those less fortunate) you would receive a discount on your purchase. That is smart marketing, doing something good for the world, while encouraging sales. I'm sure at least that tactic was P&G approved.

Free People "Freecylcing" old clothes into new looks?

Following in the footsteps of sister company Urban Outfitter's “Urban Renewals” line, it seems as if the whimsical/bohemian Free People may also be jumping on the transforming-old-clothes-to-make-them-cool-again band-wagon.

So, basically, yay!

I love this concept—and love being able to obtain totally unique articles of clothing, while doing some good for the environment.

Check out the revamped work shirt, that is now magically a cropped, slouchy over-shirt:

Based off the one cryptic blog posting, it seems there may be more of this to come. Fingers crossed...

Something Blue, Something Old Becomes Something New

A recent Monday night was spent in a terrifying chaotic haze of mirrors, pastel satins, and opinions as my sister forced us to visit a bridal chain store and begin the harrowing experience that is bridesmaid dress shopping. (As if Monday’s could get any worse?)

Ever since then, she has been mildly harassing me to tackle the topic of additional uses for bridesmaid dresses, which I suspect she wants me to do in order to alleviate her guilt for making us buy the damn things. While every bride (that I’ve been exposed to) loves to tout the notion that the bridesmaid dresses they picked can totally be worn again…in reality, it’s always a lie.

As cute as the bride might think their puffy pastel dresses may be, after the wedding those things are relegated to the very back of one’s closet. If you’ve ever seen the movie “27 Dresses” and saw the huge closet that was bursting forth with colorful silks, taffetas and puff sleeves, you have an idea of the amount of money and material that is used for a one-time wearing. It seems like such a waste—fine, you have to succumb to the uniform the bride has selected, but then after that one day the dress no longer has any purpose. The concept of so much waste drives me nuts.

Luckily, some crafty entrepreneurs have seen a niche opening up in this department, and have taken the iniative to take advantage of it. Inspired by the resourcefulness of people during the Great Depression— a time when women would recycle the material from men’s jackets and coats, and unravel sweaters to reuse the yarn in order to make something else— Handcut is a clothing line that is made of all repurposed materials, from factory fabric remnants, to old clothing and bed-linens, to army tarpaulins, and even the leather from the seats of an old Cadillac, any material is game for owner Tanya Greenwood’s creations.

The rise of eco-conscious fashion has led designers to seek clothing solutions in organic and sustainable fabrics, with one possible material source having been located in a very unlikely place for fashion— the trash can. The recycled materials are obtained through many less-than-glamorous sources, and after a piece has been selected for use, the only test is has to go though is withstand an industrial washing. "If the clothes survive that," Tanya says, "they'll survive anything."

From the rescued fabrics, new life is born. There are trench coats patchworked together from old safari suits, jackets from vintage corduroy and panelled denim skirts that are made from at least three pairs of jeans. These mixed-up designer clothes are known as "refashioned originals" — which is a nice way of saying they are made from materials previously considered to be trash. “At least 98 per cent of the fabric in the shop would have ended up [in a landfill.]” Tanya has said.

“By recreating these fashion items, we are saving the environment by recycling some of the world’s best fabrics. We think our fashion items are unique and they also look great.”

She is whimsical about the history on her clothing racks. "I like to wonder what sort of bloke wore this before," she says, holding a jacket with shimmering sleeves. "He must have been so cool with his gold jacket on."

Additional ethical accessories that are available include beads from recycled resin, bangle bracelets made out of old knitting needles, and coming soon: shoes made from "e-leather",a British innovation that uses remnants from leather tanneries.

Tanya, if you're reading this— please feel free to get in touch with me. Come early August, I’ll have an “in” on a ton of gently used turquoise satin…

Imsomniac Revelation: Old Clothes Made New Again

I could not fall asleep last night.

I watched two episodes of Chelsea Lately, read half of this month’s Book Club book and the entire new In Style magazine, and made it to level 15 in Tetris. It was a weird feeling to know that everyone else around me was fast asleep and unconscious, and yet I remained awake and listless.

As 3:30am rolled around, I turned off the lights for good and squeezed my eyes shut, determined to make my body do what I wanted it to. I started playing my favorite game with myself, “What Will Kelly Wear Tomorrow?” and mentally dressed myself in an array of different work appropriate looks. (The annoying thing is that although this helps me fall asleep, the cute ensembles I come up with are forgotten come morning.)

As per usual right before I fall asleep, my mind began to wander… and all of a sudden I was thrust onto a topic that got me all riled up again and there was NO way any sleep was occurring anytime soon… For some reason, I had found myself mentally reviewing my shoe selection, and unhappy with the realization that although I own a lot of shoes-- a bunch of them have seen too many nights out at dirty bars to be worn anymore. It occurred to me that I could spend a couple bucks and have a shoe-maker bring new life to my pre-existing shoes, instead of spending a lot of bucks on brand new shoes. (I already have a pair that I am so excited to resuscitate- cream round-toe Mary Janes, with a sexy stiletto heel and delicate lattice work around the edges. They look disgusting now, can’t wait to get them spiffed up and back into rotation!)

The idea of revitalizing shoes I already own lead me (slippery slope) to the idea of revitalizing clothes I already own… and that’s when the adrenaline started pumping and I sat straight up in bed, too many ideas racing around in my brain to track them all.

That vintage looking white dress with the puff skirt covered in blue flowers? I had only worn it once, despite it’s beauty, and written it off as being too conservative. But, with a shorter, flirtier hemline, and a thick brown leather belt-- I could wear that dress to death! Dinner, work, out… perfection!

That purple silk Rebecca Taylor patterned tank top I haven’t worn since college because it’s too short-waisted for today’s look-- that would look awesome cut down the front and transformed into a flowy, romantic vest.

Cute black Ella Moss empire tunic with the bat wing sleeves I decided I hated after purchase-- nothing a stapler can’t handle! (For real, this story is just between us because my brother would DIE if he knew I told this to anyone, but I turned the shirt inside out, and had him put it on. Following the shape of his arms, I stapled in the stitching I wished the shirt actually had, and made the sleeves fitted. Although my brother was happy to help, I could tell he felt a bit emasculated that I was using him as a model because only his arms were as skinny as mine.)

My white vintage Gucci floral bag with the long white leather strap would look sick updated with a pretty gold chain strap...

The possibilities are endless, and it’s so exciting because these are all things I already own—and all I’m doing is coordinating a little makeover action, and inviting these pieces back into my life. Money is saved, my creative fires are stoked, and I’m cutting down on my wasteful consumption while preventing lots of material goods from finding their final resting place in the bottom of a land-fill grave.

I can’t wait to take my favorite destroyed jeans –- so favorite that I have two pairs—to the tailor and having one pair made into a straighter, skinnier version. I am also looking forward to updating a slew of dresses to a more modern hemline, and never having to stress about what to wear during the summer again. (Note though- for things being hemmed I will ask for the material to only be sewed and not cut, so that when the styles eventually revert back, the hems can be let down and the clothing piece will still be relevant.)

Along these lines, stay posted for updates on more do-it-yourself ideas, in addition to profiles of clothing designers that are already doing this for you. For instance, check out the extreme makeovers at avant apres fashion- I am so jealous of this girl's style and skill, however she does set an awesome example of what can be accomplished with the things you already own and a good imagination.

Before and After #1:

(I love it!!!!)

Before and After #2:

Hot.

(Tip: she sells some of her creations on etsy.com, so some of her infinite style can possibly be momentarily possessed by one of us normal folk.)

Now-- hopefully after getting all this off my chest, I will be able to sleep like a contented baby tonight. Sweet dreams!

A Gay (in the happy sense of the word) Marriage of Ideas

I don’t know how this girl at work does it, but even though her desk is separated from the hallway by a wall that obviously obscures her line of vision, she always calls out my name as I walk by. She doesn’t give off much of a creeper vibe, so I didn’t think she had cut out peep-holes through the office wall or anything, but I couldn’t satisfactorily figure out how she always knew it was me when I walked by. Finally, one day I just asked her.

“Dude, how do you always know when it’s me walking by!?”

She contemplated for a second, and then responded, “Well, different people just sound different when they walk.”

Hmmm, so simple, and yet intriguing. (And, also, a bit relieving to know that it wasn’t a case of super offensive B.O. that was pre-announcing my imminent arrival.)

I mulled this over as I walked down another hallway to the bathroom, my jumble of necklaces jangling with each step. She was right, I realized, my J.Crew obsession has made me a freaking, walking noise machine. Whether it’s the weird noise my skinny cords make when my legs rub against each other, the stomp of my high-heels, or the clink of my accessories against the over-sized buttons on a blazer, it is almost physically impossible for me to walk silently, and/or creep up on anyone.

It makes me feel better to be able to blame things on anything besides myself. My scape-goat for the noisy walking? Easy- the stack of J. Crew catalogs that I keep next to my bed (for getting dressed inspiration) dictate the varying textures and pieces I adorn myself with now.

So, if you’ve read my few previous posts, or been shopping within the last few years (whether in a mall, online, or just innocently peaking through the delightful catalog surprises that arrive right to your snail-mailbox), you have undoubtedly seen for yourself the handiwork and expertise of my burning girl crush, Jenna Lyons, the creative director of J.Crew. Under the support and watch of CEO Mickey Drexler, Jenna has beautifully and profitably expanded her company to now include cute (but noisy) jewelry, shoes, clothes, etc. In addition to her awesome additions, she is also the one to thank for making sure that everything is so expertly styled in all of their marketing pieces so that you can't help but drool over every page. (I am not exaggerating, I KEEP a STACK of J.Crew catalogs on my nightstand, for good reason!)

Jenna, in a completely non-creepy way, you are so my muse…

Although J.Crew stores can be found in most malls, the thoughtful details of the merchandise, and the personal touches incorporated into their mass marketing (catalogs and email blasts) ironically make this retail giant feel like your favorite neighborhood boutique. Lending to the boutiquey feel, all J.Crew outfits have an unique flair about them, there are personal shoppers readily available to personally assist you, and if you need help with anything- the appropriate J.Crew specialist is made to seem easily accessible with hand-written looking notes online and in the catalog to call “Ashley, the wedding specialist” at her desk number. It’s so smart! The merchandise is accessible to anyone in the country, yet despite this they have maintained an “one-of-a-kind” feel.

If I had to describe J.Crew’s aesthetic, after a lot of thought, I’d have to say that J.Crew’s emphasis is on timeless Americana, it's a style that a teenager, thirty something, or grandparent could all wear and make their own. There is a definite ‘prepster’ vibe to it, but it’s almost tongue-in-cheek making fun of preppy clothing, and depending on how you put the pieces together any desired look is achievable.

J.Crew’s emphasis and impact on “American” style could perhaps most easily be proven by the fact that out of all the clothing companies in the world- the new first daughters wore J.Crew children’s pieces for their father’s presidential inauguration.

Under the umbrella of “an easy American style,” J.Crew could easily expand to incorporate many successful “green” concepts and tactics. (At last, where I become relevant! ☺) There are so many avenues to go, it’s hard to know where to start with spilling my guts on this topic, but just a few- in rapid succession:

- They could create an internal organic clothing line (obviously I was going to say that one).

- They could design stores with all organic features- lots of windows for natural lighting, bamboo floors, recycled hangers. (Come to think of it, Jenna would probably totally love this idea- while researching (stalking) her online, I learned that she likes things to look a little lived-in.

“I like things that get better with age,” she has said. “Maybe it is frayed a little on the edges, maybe it is starting to wash down a little too much. I actually think that that looks good. That, to me, is classic.”

A store that used recycled wood pieces for hangers, and floors, and had threadbare oriental rugs and vintage chandeliers, and refurbished dressing-room doors and counters would be so cool to look at, shop in, provide new uses for pre-existing things, and be totally J.Crew.

J.Crew does not do any advertising beyond their catalogs and website. Staying within these parameters, there are cool marketing, eco-inspired methods they could take to increase foot traffic and sales.

- Already offering student and teacher discounts, they could offer an additional discount for bringing in an old J.Crew catalog with purchase. This way- the catalog is still serving it’s purpose by showcasing the clothes that make it necessary to go to the store, J.Crew can take all of those catalogs and make sure they’re properly recycled, and at the same time they’re getting tons of trackable info about their customers. Win, win, win!

- Along these lines, they could also offer some incremental discount for bringing in reused J.Crew shopping bags? J.Crew would save money on having to produce less bags, the shopping bags that do exist would get taken better care of- and if people were using them more often- it’s free publicity for J.Crew, and less junk taking up space in land-fills. Everyone’s a winner*.

- They could also take Juicy Couture’s idea of offering a discount for donating gently used J.Crew clothing to a charity of J.Crew’s choice. (While there are TONS of noteworthy charities throughout the world, I feel like their focus should remain on issues in America?) Again, they’d be increasing sales while doing good for the country, and at the same time they would be generating a “hey I'm doing something good!” feeling at point of purchase to stave away any feelings of buyer’s remorse.

Really, I could go on and on, but all I’m saying is that I love Jenna Lyons, and thanks to her I love J.Crew. In combining all of my loves- Jenna, J.Crew, shopping, fashion, the environment- I think there could be so many fun and exciting ways for J.Crew to go in the future.

Jenna once said that her goal was to be able to hear people say "Oh, my God, I have to go to J. Crew." Just from over-hearing passerby’s in the mall and purveying the shopping bags people are carrying while I people-watch in the food-court, I think that she is one of the lucky/enviable/extremely hard-working people whose dream has become a reality. It would be hard to improve upon her specific brand of perfection- but I’d certainly love to help contribute to a J.Crew “eco” expansion.

Hey, if I'm following the trends Jenna sets, I should dream big, right?

*Well… everyone would benefit, except the bag makers. But, survival of the fittest would force them to evolve and adapt- and either make more durable bags, create ways to make shopping bags more earth friendly, or… ?

Does this technically make me a "womanizer"?

I wonder what it’s like, to be relatively anonymous, and yet have so many people obsessed with you? Like, you’re famous, but the average Joanna Shmoanna on the street couldn’t identify you if she fell over you, and was head-to-toe wearing your creations?

It’s hard to imagine the thoughts that must go through my #1 gal’s mind. She can walk down her NYC streets, eat in the hot restaurants, go through an airport- and those pesky US weekly photogs and paparazzis leave her alone. She sees everyone wearing her clothes, and yet the paps don't see her.

Unfortunately- for me at least- I have yet to see her in the pages of US Weekly… (Maybe if she didn’t wear underwear, was in a tumultuous relationship with Lindsey Lohan, or hung out with Brit Brit we’d be more likely to see her?) And, as much as I personally would love more glimpses into her daily life, (even if it was only to see what she was wearing day-to-day, but god, does this make me a stalker?!) if she was always hanging out at Tao with Paris and K-Fed, and ergo plastered all over the daily mags, she just wouldn’t really be HER, would she?

Maybe she can go the route of Michael Kors, and star in an awesome Bravo reality show that would air in between seasons of "Rachel Zoe" and "Millionaire Matchmaker"? (Hey, a girl can dream, right?)

When I reveal her name though, it might be an anticlimactic moment for you.

“Who?” you may say. (Unless you’re in the fashion industry, in which case you probably have heard of her, as due to the millions of interviews and features written on her, it seems her notoriety and reputation precede her.)

My sister’s been bugging me for days, and at the climax of this, she too will be like, “ummm, from everything you say, she sounds like she's pretty cool… but who the h. is she?!”

Despite her relative anonymity, it’s highly likely that you all have at least one piece of her handiwork in your home at this very moment. Maybe even on your body? (I know I do!) Her genius has spread out, to encompass the perfect something for everyone in your social spectrum- from your favorite male, your nieces and nephews, your spoiled pooch, all the way back to yourself.

Drum roll please…. I am proud to at last annouce, that:

Kelly Green ♥’s Jenna Lyons! (aka, the Creative Director of J.Crew)
Admit it- J.Crew has done a massive 180, and now it is not only expanding- but getting better and better at every point along it's rise. (My nerdy love of word play and punnery is driving me to point out that the fancy dud's that Jenna creates and we all don, are the opposite of "duds". Ha ha?)

In list form, here are but a few of Jenna's most notable, recent contributions to J.Crew:

1. Wedding gowns and CUTE bridesmaid dresses. With my sister’s impending wedding on the horizon, um, I’m actually looking forward to bridesmaid dress shopping? (Never thought I’d be able to say that…) And, although I’m far away from wedding gown shopping myself, I will certainly keep in the back of my mind that J.Crew’s wedding dresses are made out of the same Italian Clerici duchesse satins that Vera Wang and Chanel use for their $$$ dresses.


2. Adorable childrens’ clothing that makes me either a.) wish I was still 12 years old and 4’2” so I could wear the line myslef, or b.) start popping out some babies of my own, immediately, just to play dress-up with.


3. Decadent, vintage inspired jewels and baubles. J.Crew’s jewelry line has proven to be extremely well-received by the it's adoring public, and profitable to it's nurturing parent company. By all means, check out their "jewelry" section on the website, and tell me that with their current creations you can really say you’re surprised?


4. Beautiful, “designer” quality, jeweled and embellished shoes. J.Crew makes their shoes in the same exact factories as does Gucci and Prada. Because J.Crew acts as both the designer, and the retailer, they have effectively cut out the “middle man,” and the consumer is able to reap the benefit of uber-quality shoes in significantly lower-than-Prada prices.

Really, I could go on and on, but as I’m trying to down-play my stalking here,(and reduce the risk of future restraining orders) I’ll leave you with just that short (and yet highly impressive) list of Jenna Lyons accomplishments.

☺

And, with that long lead-in, my next entry will feature my spin on where me and the environment come in.

Lord knows I ♥ boys. But...

At the moment, Robert Pattison and Zac Efron are aces in my book. (And no, sadly I am far from my tween years.) My crushes on boys (including the boys I actually know, the ones I don’t, and the ones I hope to know someday ☺) come and go like the changing of the seasons. Instead, it’s been my (non-sexually driven) girl crushes that make like an old Cranberries song and “linger,” on and on. (That song reference alone should be a good portent of my real age.)

From second to fifth grade, my super girl crush was on the perfect, tiny and angelic Kristen Coco. She was the smallest girl in the class, with blonde baby-angel hair, and therefore could pull off pretending to be a newborn bunny infinitely better than I could. And- she had a television in HER BEDROOM, on which she could watch “The Little Mermaid” tape (that she had gotten for her birthday), whenever she wanted! I used to yearn that someday my life could be as perfect as hers.

Then, as I got older, my admirations drifted from pretending to be a baby animal, to a mix of sass and gore… which could only lead me to Sarah Michelle Gellar.

Oh, Sarah Michelle.

How I love thee. No one will ever be able to kick ass with the aplomb and style which she did. She dated the cutest boys, always had the perfect quip, wasn’t afraid of anything, lived in a world where vampires were real (God! Why couldn't she have met Edward Cullens?!), and went through everything with the most perfect head of hair. While I will love Sarah Michelle (and any/everything she touches- “The Grudge”, anything Joss Whedon related, her taste in aesthetics, her hottie hot husband Freddie Prinze Jr… sigh. Her’s is a gifted existence, for sure) until my dying day- my new super-duper girl crush outshines even the space in my heart permanently engraved “S.M.G. 4-eva”…

My current girl crush surpasses any infatuation experienced before. (And, I haven’t even mentioned the longest running girl-crush possible [for me], but I am hesitant to open that can of psychological worms and actually admit that I’ve been obsessed [literally, since my day one] with my mother. Oh. Oops. The latter day version of Freud needs to come around and coin the term for a daughter version of the “Oedipus complex,” except… I don’t want to marry my mom. Ew! I just want to be exactly, exactly like her. Which actually serves as an excellent segue to the revealing of my new #1 gal…)

Like my mother, she’s tall. Like my mother, I want to be like her in a wide variety of realistic ways. Like Sarah Michelle, she kicks ass with amazing style, and like Kristin Coco, she has a pretty cool bedroom. (A picture of her “closet” is currently my computer’s wall-paper. I’m hoping there is some truth behind the good fortune that can come from the presence of an “inspiration board,” as recommended from such classics as Oprah’s touted book “The Secret” and the sophisticated sitcom “Always Sunny in Philadelphia”? )

Like all of my girl crushes, she inspires me tremendously. And maybe, like with the others, I kind of want to be her?

At this point, you’re probably wondering to yourself—“ok… how the heck does this tie into the environment?” Or, “If she says her new crush is on Mother Earth, I am out of here!” If you’re thinking anything along these lines- fair enough. However, despite my love for Rob and Zac, I don’t think I’m that cheesy…?

In an attempt to coherently draw together the strange synapses that make up my thought process, I’d like to share something someone famous said a long time ago. I’m paraphrasing this, but essentially whoever this sage was, said that in order to be successful, you need to take two steps.

1. Identify what you love.
2. Figure out a way to make money doing #1.

Can it be that easy? While I don’t want to “do” my new girl crush in the biblical sense, I am cooking up ideas inspired by this recommended plan of action, and her. (Sounds so romantic. It’s not?)

Her identity, and my plots, will be revealed later. In the meantime, please feast your eyes on my inspiration for today: her closet. (Please imagine a choir of angels and pre-pubscent boys singing now.)

Coming Out of the Closet

If your storage space was real estate, the land that lay beyond your closet doors would absolutely be equivalent to the most desirable of desired beach front properties. (Park Place, if your storage-real estate comparison was then compared to Monopoly real estate.) The problem stems from the fact that there is far too much demand put on an area that is not nearly large enough to accommodate all.

As I get older, I find myself an increasingly ruthless closet land-lord when determining what can move into the neighborhood, which current tenants can remain, what's going to have to be relocated, and what will be condemned and evicted. It’s no one’s fault, and yet the constant changing of fashion (and the size of my ass) cannot be denied- and some clothes, after having “peaked” must be left out in the cold.♥

There are really so many directions my brain is going right now, like one of those brain-storming activities from 5th grade, the inside of my head right now looks like “Unused Clothes!” in the middle of a pink-pen colored circle, with about 100 idea arrows shooting off of it. How to decide what stays. How to organzie what stays. Other people's closets, Kimora, Mariah, Paris. Storing seasonal pieces.

Deep breaths. Must. continue. with. planned. topic.

And, exhale.
After having cleaned out my closet, usually at the end of one season and on the cusp of the next, I am left staring at 3 distinct clothing piles that need to be taken care of. Throwing clothes away into the garbage (MOM!♥♥) is not an option- it takes forever for these things to decompose, and other people could be benefiting from them. (Including you yourself, dear reader.) Depending on your own personal course of action, you can make $$$ from these piles of the unwanted, add to your karma account if not your bank account, or at the very least, increase your available closet space.

Pile 1: One girl’s trash... ♥ ♥
Chances are if I haven’t worn it in the past year it’s something that I could do without. However, just because I’m over it doesn’t mean that my little sister or best friend wouldn’t/doesn't love it. Some things I want to get rid of just speak to me, and convince me that they want to be adopted by Little Sis or Bestie. It's easy enough to do- hand over the articles, watch them smile, and reap those addicting good-doer’ good feelings. (Endorphins, I believe, is the technical term.) When it’s people you care about, it feels good to do something that makes them happy.

Pros: Making someone else happy, making yourself feel good, efficiently ridding yourself of clothes refuse.
Cons: Not sure there is one? It is frustrating when the pairing doesn’t work out as hoped, whether they don’t like the hand-selected hand-me-down, or it just doesn’t fit, it sucks being back in square 1, but at least you tried. [Read on for what to do in this scenario.]

Pile 2: Good things that can bring in good ca$h.
You know how in the movie “40 Year Old Virgin,” the leading lady had that store called something like, “I Sell Your Junk on E-Bay”? Well. Places like that exist, for real!

For a percentage of the sale price, people will photograph and write-up your old stuff and sell it through on-line auctions for you. Because they are reaping a percentage of the profit, it’s in their best interest to work the system to get as much money for the stuff as possible- when their liveliehood is dependen on it, you better believe they're going to strive for that $1,000 sale and not easily settle for the $20 sale. The remaining percentage that you get back is better then what you would get from having these items hanging in your closet. These e-bay sellers don’t want to waste their time though, and therefore only agree to invest their time in the hawking of items with the most potential to sell. Therefore, the pile of designer jeans and Rebecca Taylor frocks that I spent a pile of money on, can go to one of these guys and pay me back. (A bit.)

Obviously, the idea of getting money for stuff no longer of value to me is appealing. Just Google “Ebay sellers” in your area, and you will be shocked at the plethora available to you.

Pros: You’re making cash money!!! And letting someone else enjoy your good taste at a great discount!
Cons: Depending on the seller you contact, it can be a pain to arrange meeting times, and depending on what they already have in stock or past sales trends, they may choose not to take items that you think are fabulous. There are a lot of these guys around though, so be picky, and go with the one that seems the most pleasant, and has the best online site.

Pile 3: Second-hand = Money in hand
Those items rejected from Pile 1 and 2’s schemes can find a nice, accepting haven in Pile 3- the pile carefully bagged up in a Hefty and dropped down the shoot at the local Goodwill.

I know, I know. This one is sooo obvious. “Uh, duh!” you’re undoubtedly muttering to yourself, “Of course there is the option to drop off the stuff at Goodwill, thanks for that pearl, Kelly.” And, you’re right, it is an extremely well-known method to dispose of your used clothing.

But, did you know that you can write off these clothing donations on your tax return? (I didn't!) It seems ironic to be motivated by money to do good deeds, but… the reality is that money is a great motivator. I can't help it if by doing something beneficial to society by providing good clothing to those less fortunate that Uncle Sam wants to reward me.

All you have to do is go inside the establishment after dropping off your offerings, and list all of the items donated on the facility provided form. Then, come next April 15th, fill in the appropriate information on your tax return, and voila! A good deed that went unpunished!

Pros: For a little bit of effort, you'll get extra rewarded come tax season.
Cons: It's hard (for me, anyway) to resist the temptation of shopping while in one of these places, and thereby undoing the good I'd accomplished.


Road paved to hell...?
Despite my best intentions, I’m not sure that my main idea was manifested. Really, at the bottom of everything, this is not about my glut of clothing, nor my attempts to make a quick buck with a side of charity. The truth behind everything is that I absolutely despite waste.

By finding other uses for clothes that are no longer of use to me- it makes me feel better, like I’m increasing the worth of the item by prolonging its longevity and usefulness (read; getting more out of the money I spent for it.) Making other people happy (the people receiving the items, or the E-bay people making loot from it,) is not a bad side-effect, and most importantly, I’m keeping bags and bags and bags of perfectly good things out of the landfills.

I'm sure that there are many other good ways to dispose of unwanted clothing. I love the group "The Princess Project" that collects used prom dresses and prom accessories, and then sells them dirt cheap to girls who can't necessarily afford to buy their brand-new dream dress and accoutrements. There are tons of ways out there to give away your things while giving back, and I am open to, and happy about, each and all.

The only downside to the whole thing in my experience, is at the end of disposing all 3 piles, and having a nicely edited, organized closet full of the stuff I actually wear and like readily at my disposal, I still find myself standing in front of my closet and feeling like I have nothing to wear.

To you, Bluefly girl, I can totally relate.

♥ Yes- there are those certain pieces that I just love, and will hold onto until they disintegrate on the hanger. Blame it on being scarred from my throw-away happy mother, or my own innate sentimentality, I can't help but keep the pieces that mean the most to me. (However, these treasured clothing articles are few and far between; my denim Abercrombie mini that is so short the majority of the pockets hang out from beneath the hem, [can't wait to show the grandkids that 5'10" grandma used to wear that!] my purple see-through Vivienne Tam halter tank with the silver lame lining, or my bedazzled hankerchief top from my freshman year of college with the back that consists ONLY of two pieces of ribbon that tie into a bow, to name a few.) It was an interesting learning experience comparing my mother who kept NOTHING from the past, to her mother, who lovingly kept every sentimental dress she owned carefully stored away in a large cedar closet in her attic. My grandmother has the dress (with an impossibly teensy waist) that she wore on her first date with my grandfather. My mother has… um... maybe the dress she wore on a date with my father last weekend?

Unlike my mother, I want to be able to share those kinds of things that my grandmother shared with me, and make history a little bit more tangible by having the important pieces of my past that my children and grandchildren can actually touch and feel and experience. (Also, it wouldn't hurt if my grandchildren got extra style-points amongst their peers for rocking cool vintage from Granny.)

♥♥ Sometimes I get annoyed, like, I always give you and you and you such great clothes, yet when you, you, and you clean out your closets, I get bubkas. Not that I give to receive, but it would be nice to reap some of the sewn benefits, or at least know that your friends were thinking about you.

So, an idea that I read about years ago in In Style magazine (and probably have the article tucked away somewhere, see article “Tear and Wear”) that has stuck with me was the idea of a Clothing Swap party. You and a bunch of friends meet up with a bag full of your unwanted items. You drink some wine, you have some laughs, you go through each others casts-offs, and you take what you like. In the case of multiple people wanting the same item, you have a fitting of sorts where each interested individual tries on the coveted item, and the majority rules on who looks the best in it, and who gets to keep it. Fair is fair, and fun. The left-overs from this can go into Pile 3…

Random Tangent Thought: With the advent and prevalence of vanity sizing (size inflation) I wonder what today's sizes will be labeled in 20, 40 years. Will a double zero be the equivalent of a size 6 in 2038? Will a small size be labeled as 00000, or will too many zeros take up too much room and negative numbers will be utilized? "Hi, I'm looking for some size -2 cocktail dresses?" It will be superficially interesting to see what happens...