Energy Jerk #2: Go take a cold shower

When it’s cold outside, unless I am under extreme time duress, I can’t help myself from being an “energy hogging jerk” by drastically abusing rule number two: taking really long hot showers.

As discussed before, I hate taking showers due to the time consuming rites and rituals that are involved with being a girl. Shaving, exfoliating, body lotions, blow-drying, ugh... With so many unpleasant parts of the bathing process, I try going to enjoy the parts of it that I can, i.e. feeling as warm as possible, for as long as possible, under a hot cascade of water. During the winter, it seems like any time of day, taking off your warm clothing and getting in the shower is an assault to the senses. Being cold is such an unpleasant feeling… but the worst part is getting out of the shower and standing dripping wet and shivering. (Hopefully NOT underneath or near an air-blowing vent.) To stave off the inevitable shivering bout, I of course put off this worst part of an evil shower for as long as possible… I mean talk about an unhapy ending!

However, I didn’t fully realize before that by prolonging my warm showers, I was being a jerk too? (Like my grandmother always says about the theme of Harry Potter, "evil" is contagious… figures that instead of the shower cleansing me like its meant to, it just makes me as evil as it is. Get thee behind me, shower.)

Here’s the expert’s take:

A long hot shower may be a small luxury, but those extra minutes spent
escaping with your thoughts under the body-warming water stream can quickly earn you some icy glares. For starters, hot-water tanks are finite and nobody enjoys a cold shower. What's more, hot-water heaters account for about 15 percent of an average home's energy bills, according to the Alliance to Save Energy.

Try to limit yourself to five minute showers to make your housemates and bank
accounts happy. If that doesn't work, at least invest in a low-flow shower head,
Rogers said. Another option is a so-called tankless water heater. These
appliances generate a continuous stream of hot water when they are on –i.e. the
hot water doesn't run out – and when the hot water is turned off, it is off. The
devices do cost more than a tank, but tend to last longer and consume less
energy so they pay for themselves in a few years.

I feel like in a fluffy way—the point is made: take shorter showers; the less water used, the better. This one sounds easier in theory than it may be in actuality, but I’m willing to give it a try. I guess on the bright side, less time in the shower means more time and money to spend on the après-shower routine… (Which is good, because rubbing a rose on my face alone takes at least 40 minutes.)

Energy jerk: leaving computer on 24/7

One of the articles on my nerdy MSNBC.com homepage caught my attention the other morning. (Yes, at work, my homepage is set to a respectable site, as opposed to the smut I enjoy in my free time.) “Are you an energy hogging jerk?” it asked, in big, bold letters. Intrigued,(“Hmm, am I a jerk and don’t even know it…?”) I clicked on it—and read about some interesting, everyday things that we are all probably guilty of—that are big-time energy sucks. Instead of writing a massive, epic, tome of a post right here and reviewing allll of them, I thought it might be interesting to share the items one by one, so that way I can add whatever personal insights I want to, without having to worry about getting too long and wordy. (You know how I like to include my personal anecdotes.)

So, without further ado, sign #1 that you are an Energy Consuming Jerk: leaving your computer on all the time.

Gulp.

At home and work, I am so guilty of this.( As are many of my family members and co-workers—which really doesn’t make my actions any better, and frankly just makes everything worse overall by increasing the amount of energy being wasted.) In the kitchen at my parents house, the computer is on 24/7. In my apartment, my roommates Apple is always on (can’t miss any possible incoming gmail chat IMs!). And maybe worst of all, only because its compounded by multiple people, our computers at work are almost never turned off at the end of the day. Ut oh…

“Let's face it: Booting up a computer eats time off the clock, an annoyance for everyone from deadline-pressed cubicle warriors to retirees eager to logon to the Eons social network. But that's no excuse to leave your computer up and running 24 hours a day – especially when power-saving options are built in to the machine.

Almost all computers come equipped with energy-saving sleep or standby modes, which can be set to automatically kick in when the computer is idle for awhile – say 20 minutes. Usually, a toggle of the mouse or tap on the keyboard is sufficient to snap the computer awake.
After a long nap, some computers will delve into an even-deeper energy-saving hibernation mode. But even then, the computer is still sipping electricity.

Energy experts recommend turning the computer off overnight and longish breaks in the day. Contrary to popular belief, this will not harm the computer's lifespan, noted Rogers energy-efficient jerk, noted John Rogers, a senior energy analyst with the Union of Concerned Scientists in Cambridge, Mass.”

Even though simply turning off a computer seems like such a small gesture to make, it oddly will be a significant habit to change. Yesterday afternoon when the clock struck 5pm, I took the time to close out of all my applications, and powered off my computer. At home I turned off my lap-top when I was done uploading some pics. Small gestures for sure, and yet I oddly felt better knowing that it all adds up, and it all helps...

For a four day work week!

When I was little, I can remember older people saying all sorts of cryptic things that didn’t make sense, with one of the key offenders being the expression “youth is wasted on the young.”

At the time this was a befuddling and slightly offensive thing for someone to say. “How is youth wasted on the young?” I can remember thinking, somewhat hurt, “Weren’t you young once, too? Was that a waste also?”

Now that I’m a bit older, a tiny bit wiser, (and suddenly jealous of 18 year olds that have their whole life ahead of them— I’m 28)—I am starting to appreciate the meaning behind the expression. In short, it just is a way of lamenting how quickly life goes by…

In this vein, it has always seemed like a cruel joke that the majority of our adult lives are spent unhappily doing something other than what we want. Consider; out of the 7 days that make up a week, only 2 of those days are free to be lived however one chooses. You are told during your “prime” working years to work as hard as you can, so that you can save as much money as possible for your life after retirement—so that the period of your life when you are at your physical peak, you are slaving away to prepare for a time when your quality of life may not be so naturally easy. All of this makes it seem to me that the expression should really be something like, “youth is wasted at work.”

After being fortunate enough to schedule and experience such a thing in college, I often day-dream about how awesome it would be in the real world to have a standard work week that consisted of 4 long, hard days, with a 3 day weekend. As I have sadly accepted my “grown-up” status, this fantasy has been mentally filed away, next to the “Surprise! You’re really a princess!” fantasy file.

It goes to show that anything is possible though—as I recently caught wind of news that my idealized 4 day work week scenario was actually a reality, and happening —right now— in major cities across our great country.

Due to budget concerns, the powers that be in Salt Lake City, Utah decided to do something a little different in the hopes of achieving something drastically different. As of August 2008, all state offices have been closed every Friday, in order to cut down the utility expenses by 20%. (One day less a week that the buildings need to be run and maintained.)

As would be expected, the employees loved this. A survey conducted by Brigham Young's Lori Wadsworth found that 82 percent of employees want to keep the four-day workweek. Their pay wasn’t being affected—they were still working 40 hours a week, their previous 8 hour days were extended to 10 hour days—and now their free time was being increased exponentially with which they could exercise, spend time with their families, volunteer, and travel. Aside from improved day to day morale, the new scheduling also seemed to have a positive effect on overall employee health, with fewer instances of sick days. Because of the longer days, productivity actually increased—for instance, there were shorter waits at the DMV due to the longer hours.


Bettering the quality of life for a large group of people is a wonderful thing, but this 4 day plan was implemented for financial gain (always comes back to money), and it is estimated that the city was able to save 1.8 million dollars just from this new scheduling. Having the office buildings closed on Fridays allowed the city to save all of the money that would have gone into keeping the place operational; now there was an entire day less to provide electricity for, an entire day less that the work force needed to be commuting, causing wear and tear on the roads, and an entire day less that required cleaning/security/maintenance services. Since the employees really enjoyed their new schedule, they were doing everything they could to empower the initiative, going so far as to make sure every appliance from computer to coffee maker was unplugged before they left for their long weekends on Thursday night. While the money saved made the local government happy, it was this saving of resources that piqued the environmentalists’ curiosity, and after a year’s time, Scientific American came in to research the effects— good or bad— that this 4 day work week was having on the surrounding environment.

Although the language is nerdier than mine (in my opinion?), I’m not sure I can explain it better that the Scientific American reports:

An interim report released by the Utah state government in February projected a drop of at least 6,000 metric tons of carbon dioxide emissions annually from Friday building shutdowns. If reductions in greenhouse gases from commuting are included, the state would check the generation of at least 12,000 metric tons of CO2—the equivalent of taking about 2,300 cars off the road for one year.

And that’s just one nerdy-expert take on the situation. Aaron Newton, a frequent contributor to the GroovyGreen blog, did some different math and came out other inspiring statistics:

Approximately 106 million Americans drive to work alone each day, an average of 16 miles each way. Cutting out one workday's worth of commuting would not only lower U.S. oil imports by 5 to 10 percent, it would also prevent thousands of traffic fatalities, as well as cut down on the costs of road maintenance, since people tend to drive less on weekends. And workers would see a real income boost by saving on gas.

The 4 day work week has been going on in Utah for almost exactly a year at this point, and due to the positive outcomes shown so far, other citiess like New York and Boulder are considering trying it out themselves. (Mayor Bloomberg could nix the stupid soda tax, and save money for his city while keeping them happy.)

From my personal experience, I think this would also have positive implications for the economy from a consumer stand-point. With more free time on their hands, people would be more apt to spend money on fun things, like traveling, shopping, and all sorts of other entertainment ventures. The government could save money, positively affect the environment, make their people happier and more productive, while increasing cash flow into the economy.



Reviewing all of the facts pertaining to a 4 day work week, I can't help but wonder if I am being naive, or biased? Does my personal inclination for this prevent me from seeing the down-side? Clearly not every business could afford to adapt this new 4 day schedule, as restaurants, stores, and other service related industries would have to be open to serve the people who were now off from work, but perhaps the 4 day work weeks could just be staggered a bit (the way days off are now), and the people in those industries would take Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday off, since the majority of their clientele would be working on those days anyway.



I'm going to hold out hope that this practice will slowly but surely become a more wide-spread practice, so that we can have more freedom to enjoy more of what life has to offer.

Dumpster Diving

These pools look so refreshing and delicious, no one would ever guess that these are really gussed up old dumpsters...

Properly disposing evidence of eating out(side)

The other night was one those idyllic beautiful summer evenings; it was just the right amount of warm outside (not too hot or humid) with a deliciously teasing breeze that kept the bugs away while at the same time soothing our sun-kissed skin. To make the most of these advantageous circumstance, the fam decided to barbecue and eat outdoors. Some extra people were joining our usual group of seven, and while setting the pleasantly crowded table it was noted that there were not enough clean plates to set a place for everyone.

“So what?” my sister said. “Let’s just use plastic, and then we can just throw ‘em out when we’re done with ‘em, and have less clean-up.”

The eco-alarms in my brain started going off at full-intensity.

*****UNECESSARY*WASTE*ABOUT*TO*OCCUR*******

I started to say something in protest, and my sister, picking up on my obviously agitated body language, was quick to point out—“Kelly, they’ve already been purchased. We already have them. They’re going to get used at some point… might as well be tonight.”

My mother punctuated my sister’s statement with a look that said the argument, if it can even be called that, considering zero words left my mouth, was settled. (Apparently my family is really into non-verbal communication? At least they use something sparingly.)

Standing exactly where I was when I first caught wind of this convo, a mental montage of the future the plastic plates were going to face flashed behind my eyelids. Mental images of tons of pink plastic plates, with gobs of potato salad and baked beans still clinging to their shiny surfaces, getting shoved into a trash bag, which would eventually go and find its way to a landfill, and then sit decomposing for the next thousand years or so, all the while leaching toxins galore, and occupying precious landfill real-estate so that another one would have to created that much sooner… ugh.

This lead me down a slippery mental slope, because if my family –with an outspoken environmental police-officer on the premises (me!)—was guilty of going the easy and wasteful route when it came to outdoor dining, it hurt to think about how many other people were doing the exact same thing, and how much wasted waste was being created. The thought process was scaring me more than this place.

As I sat at the table and proudly ate off my china plate (only plastic for this girl is an AmEx), I sadly tried to trouble-shoot the scenario, and figure out alternative, more eco-viable solutions, before it dawned on me: there already are freaking tons of better options in place for these sorts of scenarios.

1. Paper plates. Hello Green family! *News Flash* These are probably cheaper than plastic, and won’t irk me (or Mother Nature) nearly as much due their organic origins and quicker disintegration time.

2. Reusable plastic plates. Also super cheap, and available at every retail vendor imaginable during the summer months. (Seriously, you don’t just have to go to a place that would generally sell table-ware, over the summer you can find cheap plastic plates at hardware stores, drugstores, supermarkets, Victoria’s Secret*… ) For example, Walmart is currently selling a 38 piece dishwasher safe set for $19, which breaks down to 50 cents apiece-- for dinnerware you can use over and over indefinitely.

3. Regular plates. I mean, when did the old fashioned, rustic activity of grilling meat become so fancy so as to require its own set of dinnerware? A table outdoors that was set the same way as it would be indoors would be visually pleasing, while leading to no unnecessary waste, saving money by not purchasing alternate plates, and helping to keep an American past-time in its proper pure perspective.

4. The combination of 1,2, and 3 in one plate: OneHundredDegree’s reusable plastic plates that look like the throw-away paper variety. Not the cheapest route to go ($16 for set of 4), but they are cute, kitschy, and eco-tastic. These plates look like ye olde picnic paper plates we fondly recall from our childhoods—but, surprise! They’re really sturdy melamine in disguise! Machine washable, long-lasting, and outdoor eating inspired, these also fit the bill for replacing throw-away plastic plates.

In defense of my sister, she was right—the plastic plates in our house had obviously already been purchased, and were bound to be used at some point. The mistake occurred long ago, wherever and whenever the original point of purchase transpired. After sitting down and reviewing these fool-proof alternatives with her, hopefully my family (and yours too!) will not make such a silly dinner blunder again.


*Just kidding with this one, although they don’t sell plates, you can absolutely go here to purchase as many plasticized cups as you want. (Get it? You know how you can tell when a joke’s funny? When you have to use asterisks and parentheses to explain how funny it is.)

Conservation Win

While bored this afternoon, I was killing some time perusing my favorite online sites, and came across this-- which tickled me so much I HAD to share with you:

Super witty use of billboard space to get a message across.

Thirsting for more?

Reusable water bottles have become quite the trendy accessory.

Although I have thus far been quite satisfied using my huge Wawa plastic bottles over and over again until they all but disintegrate in my mouth, it has recently been brought to my attention that this might not be the best route to go. Be damned all of you conspiracy seekers, (I’m not partial, and am including all those that think chemicals are leeching into my water from the plastic, and those that try relaying scare tactics about mold growing in my H20, etc.) my new open-mindedness to drinking-bottle alternatives comes from several unlikely sources and not from anyones nay-saying. Instead, the credit for breaking through my Wawa stubborness belongs to OK! magazine, coupled with copious amounts of online shopping.

It seems that the overall awesomeness of Siggs aluminum bottles can be neither denied, nor ignored. I have read about these bottles time, and time again. It seems we were meant to be together… and who am I to deny destiny?

I have seen them on the most random internet sites ever, and can’t help but notice their plentiful mentions in magazine genres of all kinds. (Wowza, Siggs PR team deserves a raise!) Apparently their absolute market infiltration is working, because— lo and behold—none other than Siggs aluminum bottles popped into my brain today after I noticed the sad state of my trusty old Wawa bottle...

Originally purchased in late December 2008, it has certainly fulfilled its thirst quenching duties. Over the past six months, we have experienced a lot together; and hitting the bottle has gotten me through a lot of tough times, and I've come to rely on its constant “half full” mentality. However, I can’t help but notice that its once proud and crisp blue label is now starting to peel off, and like skin on bones, the label is all wrinkled up against the plastic ridges of the bottle beneath. The sides of the bottle bend inward at my slightest touch, and the mouth-opening has layer upon layer of sparkley Chapstick build-up. Always standing tall and resolute, day after day, on my desk, it has never left me high and dry—and yet, deep down I know it’s time to give this poor bottle a break, and send it to be reincarnated at the big recycling factory in the sky.

I was sadly dwelling upon my Wawa bottle (I feel like the “sad” can be applied in numerous ways?), that I started to consider perhaps investing in a more permanent, hardy type of water bottle — because, even if I only buy 2 plastic water bottles a year, that is 2 empty water bottles that could have been prevented. Then, like the good girl that I am, I started to wonder, WWJD? Literally. Except, I’m Jewish, so my “wwjd” was “what would Jake Gyllenhaal do” in a situation like this? Super weird, I know, and yet for some reason his face is linked in my brain to Siggs bottles?

So, bored at work per usual, I decided to do a little Siggs research and was intrigued by my findings. Which is obviously why you’re reading about it now.

Once upon a time, in the year 1908, a Swedish entrepreneur named Ferdinand Sigg decided that aluminum was the "material of the future". Completely committed to the success of his favored metal, he started making all sorts of household materials with it; pots, pans, bottles, you name it-- he tried it in aluminum. His fellow Swedes dug the aluminum, and his aluminum company grew by leaps and bounds. To this day, the name "Siggs" is still famous in Europe.

A few years ago, some investors bought the company and changed the direction of it, now focusing solely on the bottle design, and trying to infiltrate the brand into the United States.

The benefits of aluminum drinking bottles hopefully made this an easier venture than naught, as apparently using aluminum for drinking bottles has every advantage you’d want. The material is extremely resistant to mold and bacteria, and is non-porous so that nothing you ever have in the bottle will affect the flavor the next thing you have in there. Siggs bottles exceed the FDA’s regulations on chemical leaching with 0.0% leaching occurring, and the insides of the bottle are baked in a way so that they will never chip or break into your drink. For added street creds on top of everything else, Siggs bottles are also considered the “world’s toughest water bottle” by Backpacker magazine. They hold 1 Liter of water, and cost approximately $25, which is not bad on either count. As mentioned, they are very durable, and in order to keep them clean you can wash them out with soap and hot water, or if you’re the OCD type that needs to disinfect every nook and cranny-- there are cleaning brushes available. All is well that ends well, and a happy ending is ensured with Siggs too, as they are 100% recyclable should ever decide you don’t want an awesome water bottle on hand.

And, I saved the best part for last. The reason that so many trendy LA and New York celebs and hipsters tote these bottles around is not only because they want the world to see how “green” and trendy they are, but also because they are superly cute! Aside from solid colors and geometric patterns, they have famous brands, like Airwalk, Hello Kitty, Sponge Bob, etc., come in and do their thang all over a bunch of bottles. There are bottles decorated in yoga inspired designs, Anthropologie looking vintage designs, hippie tye-dyes, and really, something for every aesthetic taste.

The designs of these bottles are not just geared towards chicks either, dudes dig them too—and both GQ and Stuff magazine have given them shout-outs before. (I’m sure it doesn’t hurt their popularity amongst the gents that they offer a selection of flasks as well.)

Now my problem is, which design do I like the best?? And, do you want to come to the memorial service I will be having for my ever faithful Wawa Bottle? (Please circle yes or no, and rsvp asap, recyclables go out Friday morning.)

Yes No Maybe

The dark side to online shopping

A few years ago when I was working on creating new advertising ideas for Comcast, I had my heart set on a whole “green” themed campaign. I was so psyched for it, and although I now forget whatever witty headlines I had came up, the gist of the campaign would be that with Comcast’s services, a family could live a full life without necessarily leaving their house, thereby drastically cutting back their gas usage and CO2 emissions caused from driving all over.

My reasoning was that with the fancy cable package du jour, you could have all sorts of unique experiences in the comfort of your own living room. The phone package would enable you to “visit” with friends and family across the country whenever you wanted, and the Internet connection (amongst other benefits) could allow you to shop away to your heart’s content while remaining in your pj’s and avoiding all annoying sales associates. To me, the idea that individual people could significantly reduce their carbon foot-print by cutting back on their amount of required driving was crux to helping better the environment. Every little bit does help, but oh, how naïve I was…

True—a phone call to California is less demanding on all resources than a plan ride there, and a Miley concert viewed OnDemand is easier to palate than a real life concert (kids are happy, parents can avoid tween nightmares by secluding themselves in another room), but through further consideration it became clear to me that online shopping is absolutely no gift to the environment.

It made me feel a little bit better to know that I was not the only one previously duped by the “green” online shopping mirage. "Consumers aren't used to thinking about e-commerce having any environmental impact," H. Scott Matthews, the research director of Carnegie Mellon's Green Design Initiative says. "When people buy things online, they're not necessarily thinking about what's happening; it's almost like the item is being teleported from the warehouse to their doorstep. The fact that you aren't going to the store doesn't mean there's no environmental impact. In some cases, it's much worse."

The dark side of online shopping was recently rubbed in my face so painfully it makes me cringe just thinking about it.

A few months ago, it was decided that my sister was going to have a summer destination wedding. In preparation, she went hog-wild buying bikinis for her honeymoon online at Victoria’s Secret. Since bathing suits are tricky when it comes to fit, her plan of attack was to just buy every bathing suit that she liked-- and then send back whatever didn't fit.

Once the order was placed, (some $700 later,) she began receiving notifications that some of the pieces were back-ordered and wouldn’t come for another few weeks. Since the wedding was months away at that point, a few weeks didn’t matter to her and she didn’t really think anything more of it.

Until... the packages started arriving. At first it was exciting to get packages, a top one day, a pair of bottoms two days later. However, the excitement quickly transitioned into annoyance when it became obvious that her order had been splintered up into oblivion, with the poor UPS man being forced to make unknown amounts of trips down our driveway to drop off her bikini bits and pieces.

A month later, she is still receiving forgotten parcels here and there.

The inefficiency and waste that occurred with this drove me nuts, and made me start to think about online shopping in a much grander scheme. Things that we buy do not just magically appear at our doors-- a lot of stuff goes on behind the scenes that we don’t even know or think about, which are in turn responsible for creating a ton of waste and pollution. Maybe shopping at a brick and mortar store is better?

The alleged beauty of online shopping, from an environmental perspective, is that it is supposed to be super efficient. Instead of separate cars driving back and forth to do individual household shopping, one UPS truck with a well-planned delivery schedule can drop off dozens of packages along its one daily route. Obviously, if deliveries go according to this plan a lot of things are happily reduced; like fuel, time, and pollution. Unfortunately, life is not like a delivery van, and does not always follow its desired course-- as witnessed with my sister and her 1 order that came in 20 separate pieces.

In addition to the pollution created by all modes of shipping transportation, (and I’m not even going to fully delve into the effects of airplane pollution, as there are so many variables to consider, but for brevity’s sake-- the pollution caused by airplanes for shipping purposes totally negates any environmental good the most perfect of perfect perfect delivery van system might produce.) there is also the waste that is produced from the accumulated packaging materials that are required for shipping. The added weight of the packaging adds up, and thus requires inflated gas needs for transportation, in order to ultimately end up in a trash-can after reaching its final destination. In the end, my sister could have covered more of her body with Victoria Secret packaging than Victoria Secret swim-wear.

Obviously, this entire online shopping ordeal would be a lot better if everything had come all at once—one trip to our house, one box for everything. However, considering the diaspora of a delivery situation that arose, Mother Nature would have been far better off had my sister just gone to the good old fashioned mall.

In an ideal world, online shopping, where one person essentially delivers the goods, is better than droves of people driving all around. In a realistic world, buying in bulk, walking (if you can), and carrying reusable bags are all good ways to green up your shopping. Save the online shopping for the really important things in life, like killer Jimmy Choos on eBay.

Oh shit! TP is bringing the environmental apocalypse?!

I am a staunch believer of keeping it green in the bathroom.

Consider:

• When my sisters brush their teeth with the tap water going full-force, I yell at them. (“Were you planning on taking a minty bath in the basin when you’re done?”)

• When there are all kinds of empty plastic bottles in the bathroom trashcan, I suck up my pride, hold my nose, and dig them out so that they can be recycled properly. (Certain weeks of the month are scarier than others.)

• When it comes to hair-styling, I let my hair air-dry as much as possible before I use my electrically efficient hair-dryer to put on the finishing touches.

Basically, when it comes to bathroom environmental etiquette, I am no slouch. And yet, I recently heard terrible news about something so integral to the bathroom, that it almost made me have to go to the bathroom. An esteemed scientist is going across the country, spreading his research about the latest environmental catastrophe American’s are unknowingly committing…

Allen Hershkowitz, the lead scientist at the Natural Resources Defense Council, published an article with the New York Times detailing his research that proves beyond a doubt that America’s demand for soft toilet paper is destroying the world’s rain forests, and thus causing the end of the world. For example, he believes that “people just don’t understand that softness equals ecological destruction.”

And ah… the media does love their fear mongering, and once introduced they happily romanced the shit out of this story like only the current media could. After processing the information in Hershkowitz’s article, the bastardized love-children equivalent of articles abounded with titles such as these:

“It's [toilet paper] As Bad For Planet As Hummers, Groups Say”
“America's Love Affair with Really Soft Toilet Paper Is Causing an Environmental Catastrophe”

Really?

Snippets from these articles include fear-inducing delicacies such as:
“The tenderness of the delicate American buttock is causing more environmental devastation than the country's love of gas-guzzling cars, fast food or McMansions, according to green campaigners. At fault, they say, is the US public's insistence on extra-soft, quilted and multi-ply products when they use the bathroom.”

Hershkowitz’s story goes like this: only the fibres of virgin trees can be used to achieve the softness of paper that American’s crave-- recycled fibres just cannot be made to feel the same way. Because of this, evil toilet paper companies are going crazy trying to keep up with everyday toilet paper demands, and therefore deforestation is running rampant. Tree holocausts are happening left and right in order to satisfy American’s greedy bowel needs. The media would like you to believe that entire forests are being wiped out (ha), and innocent 300 year old trees that never hurt nobody, are being hacked up for doody duty.

To this affect, Hershkowitz is not asking for that much; he just wants your soul. Just kidding, he really just wants you to suck it up and wipe yourself with the scratchy, recycled stuff. "This is a product that we use for less than three seconds and the ecological consequences of manufacturing it from trees is enormous," he says. (I can’t help it, every quote I read of his, I am imagining an illustrated South Park scientist vehemently saying, arms waving all around to show the seriousness, with the letter “s” slightly lisped and strong emphasis on action words.)

It’s amusing (and by amusing, I really mean depressing) that so many trusted media outlets picked up this story and ran with it, without doing any real homework on the topic.

The idea that my fiber-intake was part and parcel to the decimation of forests and CO2 gas overloads really upset me-- enough so that I felt inclined to take 5 minutes out of my day to quickly Google the topic. To my utmost relief, by doing this I was able to to find intelligent arguments that sufficiently quelled my TP blues.

So, here's the truth behind the latest fake environment scare.

People that cut down trees for paper are doing it for business purposes. Part of running a successful business means making maximizing resources, and minimizing unnecessary waste.

To that point, when a North American tree is cut down, not one twig, branch, or piece of bark goes unused. The best pieces are used for home-building or furniture, of which there is the largest demand. Paper, including toilet paper, is made from the sawdust and chips that are left over from sawmilling. The left-over bits that are not suitable for paper (such as bark and super fine sawdust), are burned to make energy for the sawmill and dry out the lumber. In the end, absolutely 100% of the tree is used.

As soon as a tree has been cut down, a new tree is planted. This is a business after all, and in order to run a business new materials have to constantly be available. Although damage was done to North American forests during the Industrial Age, foresters have since realized the error of their ways, and are now very conscientious (and intelligent) about repopulating their wood supplies. To wit, there are more trees currently in the US than there were 100 years ago. Interestingly, over that same time period, the U.S. population has more than tripled. That’s a lot more bottoms needing toilet paper, and yet — no deforestation.

People like Hershkowitz, who claim to be environmentalists and yet make big stinks (again, ha) about fake eco-nonsense, do much more harm for their “cause” than good. The beneficial role of forestry is made clear by the fact that the countries that have stable or growing forest area are the ones that use the most wood; as is the case for North America, Europe, Australia, New Zealand, and Japan.

In an attempt to scare everybody, the media and propaganda spreading activists have tried to manipulate the public into thinking that when we use wood we are destroying forests, when in fact the exact opposite is the truth: the purchase of wood products sends a signal to plant more trees, and produce more wood.

The International Panel on Climate Change and the Kyoto Climate Treaty specifically recognize that forest management plays a positive role in absorbing CO2 and preventing its release in the first place. It is stunning that Allen Hershkowitz, senior scientist for the NRDC, seems to be unaware of this.

Wood is far and away the most abundant renewable material on earth. It is scary (and by scary, I again mean depressing) to think that so many “environmentalists” are campaigning against forestry, when the alternative building materials are concrete, steel, plastic and more use of fossil fuels.

Of course we should (and do) recycle paper that is suitable for recycling, and we already do this for newspapers, cardboard for packaging, and printing paper. For toilet paper though, come on, get off our backs and leave our butts alone.

GreEn-bay

eBay's all about the green: http://www.ebaygreenteam.com/

Skinny For Life

And so the sleek shall inherit the Earth: eat less, and live longer.

In stark opposition to the plethora of Seventeen and YM magazines stories touting only the negative sides to anorexia and bulimia-- new studies seem to support the idea that the less food a person consumes, the longer, and better, they live. Seems like Eating Disorders need to hire a better PR company…

The premise isn't that new, people have been searching for the fabled Fountain of Youth for thousands of years, and stories about staying young forever continue to circulate throughout modern societies due to our culture’s obsession with youth. Everyone's heard the story of Dorian Grey, girls everywhere are obsessed with Edward Cullens, and stories like these will continue to be created and passed long, because people love the fictious idea of staying young and beautiful forever.

Meanwhile, wouldntcha know that the very trick to achieving this may have been right under our nose along? Literally. By keeping your mouth shut-- and staying hungry-- you can stay young possibly forever.

I’ve heard this lore before, and dismissed it. (Probably because it was too impractical to ever be applicable to real life?) However, I was reminded of this "starvation= longer life" theory when I heard that Oprah was doing an upcoming show about this, because, you know, if Oprah is recognizing this, it has to be a big deal. (Or, soon will be.)

It’s an interesting idea, and would make a great “would you rather” question—is an extra 20 years of life worth sacrificing the foods you love, forever?

Consider: Monkeys, Mice and Men! (oh my!)

• Mice that are on restricted diets are living twice as long as their litter mates who are fed regular diets, and can live for 4 years instead of the average 2.

• In a study between two groups of Rhesus monkeys, where one group is fed normally, and one group is fed 30% less, the differences are extreme: the chunky monkey control-group is nearing the end of their life-span (about 27 years) and dealing with high occurrences of diabetes, cancer, and heart disease. The skinny monkeys actually look and behave as if they were much younger-- with shinier coats, and fewer instances of health problems.

• Humans that have joined the CRS- Calorie Restriction Society- (a group that has severely restricted their calories for years now, some of which are are also participating in the Washington University monkey study) have lowered their blood pressure, reduced their body fat, and lessened risk factors for heart disease, diabetes and even cancer. And, they’re looking more physically attractive for it too. As stated by one CRS husband regarding his wife, "to be honest, if you saw her without any clothes, you'd see she looks pretty darn good, like a woman like of many, many years younger."

If you’re interested in science stuff, there are a lot of supportive and significant statistics regarding this kind of lifestyle; and if you're interested, please reference the link above to the CRS website. However, I find myself more interested in the psychological “hows” and “whys” of this lifestyle?

How can people force themselves to live like this, indefinitely?

An example of the menu at a celebratory occasion dubbed a “happy hour” for a group of calorie restricters includes a cocktail of low-calorie soup, some walnuts, a jar of pureed green beans (preferably baby food) spread on flour-free bread. Was the celebration over the fact that there was food?! Foods with high-fat content, such as meats, cheese, sweets, basically everything worth eating, are totally cut out. Instead, dense, high-fiber foods are to make up the bulk of your diet, with the emphasis not neccesarily on being thin, but being healthy.

The people in the CRS are not going on these restricted diets to lose weight, everything they do is solely for the purpose of elongating their lives. But, if you are drastically cutting your food intake, day after day, for the rest of your life, how do you stop yourself from being too skinny? Is there a point where you weight is considered too skinny and negates whatever health benefits you’re aiming to achieve? On the official CRS site, it defines your goal "thinness" (which needs to be achieved to maximize long-life benefits,) as whatever your weight was as a teenager. (With one noteworthy caveat-- this only applies as long as you were NOT one of those morbidly obese kids that would be shown on another accredited talk show hosts line-up, gobbling up everything in sight because, as Maury would expertly suss out, food was the only medium your teenaged mother could express her love with.)

But how does being hungry make your body live longer??

There are many compelling arguments to support the longevity issue, but advocates believe that at the very least, following CR will enhance your health right now by minimizing body fat, inhibiting cell mutation, lowering blood glucose levels, decreasing inflammation, activating brain-alertness, promoting deep restful sleep, increasing energy levels and creating a more youthful biological age.

As the recent studies from the National Institute on Aging, Harvard University, and Washington University show-- a calorie restricted diet can include many other benefits too, one of them being extending human life. Lab studies dating all the way back to the thirties show that mice and all sorts of laboratory critters, when placed on a severely restricted diet, lived fifty percent longer than the oldest members of their peer community.

I don’t expect people to forgo the easy fix that Botox can provide in order to achieve the same effect that starving themselves for the rest of their lives might produce, but it is very interesting to think about.

If in the end, the skinniest of us will be what's left over (like the cock-roach equivalent of humans), the end of times will be populated with models, homeless people, and Rachel Zoe clients. I suspect that if this "calorie restriction=longevity" theory is true, current records would indicate that models already have a much higher than usual life-span in comparison to us regular working folk-- and if it weren’t for those pesky drugs and that meddlesome alcohol, those hungry bitches could probably have gotten away with it and lived forever!

Something Blue, Something Old Becomes Something New

A recent Monday night was spent in a terrifying chaotic haze of mirrors, pastel satins, and opinions as my sister forced us to visit a bridal chain store and begin the harrowing experience that is bridesmaid dress shopping. (As if Monday’s could get any worse?)

Ever since then, she has been mildly harassing me to tackle the topic of additional uses for bridesmaid dresses, which I suspect she wants me to do in order to alleviate her guilt for making us buy the damn things. While every bride (that I’ve been exposed to) loves to tout the notion that the bridesmaid dresses they picked can totally be worn again…in reality, it’s always a lie.

As cute as the bride might think their puffy pastel dresses may be, after the wedding those things are relegated to the very back of one’s closet. If you’ve ever seen the movie “27 Dresses” and saw the huge closet that was bursting forth with colorful silks, taffetas and puff sleeves, you have an idea of the amount of money and material that is used for a one-time wearing. It seems like such a waste—fine, you have to succumb to the uniform the bride has selected, but then after that one day the dress no longer has any purpose. The concept of so much waste drives me nuts.

Luckily, some crafty entrepreneurs have seen a niche opening up in this department, and have taken the iniative to take advantage of it. Inspired by the resourcefulness of people during the Great Depression— a time when women would recycle the material from men’s jackets and coats, and unravel sweaters to reuse the yarn in order to make something else— Handcut is a clothing line that is made of all repurposed materials, from factory fabric remnants, to old clothing and bed-linens, to army tarpaulins, and even the leather from the seats of an old Cadillac, any material is game for owner Tanya Greenwood’s creations.

The rise of eco-conscious fashion has led designers to seek clothing solutions in organic and sustainable fabrics, with one possible material source having been located in a very unlikely place for fashion— the trash can. The recycled materials are obtained through many less-than-glamorous sources, and after a piece has been selected for use, the only test is has to go though is withstand an industrial washing. "If the clothes survive that," Tanya says, "they'll survive anything."

From the rescued fabrics, new life is born. There are trench coats patchworked together from old safari suits, jackets from vintage corduroy and panelled denim skirts that are made from at least three pairs of jeans. These mixed-up designer clothes are known as "refashioned originals" — which is a nice way of saying they are made from materials previously considered to be trash. “At least 98 per cent of the fabric in the shop would have ended up [in a landfill.]” Tanya has said.

“By recreating these fashion items, we are saving the environment by recycling some of the world’s best fabrics. We think our fashion items are unique and they also look great.”

She is whimsical about the history on her clothing racks. "I like to wonder what sort of bloke wore this before," she says, holding a jacket with shimmering sleeves. "He must have been so cool with his gold jacket on."

Additional ethical accessories that are available include beads from recycled resin, bangle bracelets made out of old knitting needles, and coming soon: shoes made from "e-leather",a British innovation that uses remnants from leather tanneries.

Tanya, if you're reading this— please feel free to get in touch with me. Come early August, I’ll have an “in” on a ton of gently used turquoise satin…

Imsomniac Revelation: Old Clothes Made New Again

I could not fall asleep last night.

I watched two episodes of Chelsea Lately, read half of this month’s Book Club book and the entire new In Style magazine, and made it to level 15 in Tetris. It was a weird feeling to know that everyone else around me was fast asleep and unconscious, and yet I remained awake and listless.

As 3:30am rolled around, I turned off the lights for good and squeezed my eyes shut, determined to make my body do what I wanted it to. I started playing my favorite game with myself, “What Will Kelly Wear Tomorrow?” and mentally dressed myself in an array of different work appropriate looks. (The annoying thing is that although this helps me fall asleep, the cute ensembles I come up with are forgotten come morning.)

As per usual right before I fall asleep, my mind began to wander… and all of a sudden I was thrust onto a topic that got me all riled up again and there was NO way any sleep was occurring anytime soon… For some reason, I had found myself mentally reviewing my shoe selection, and unhappy with the realization that although I own a lot of shoes-- a bunch of them have seen too many nights out at dirty bars to be worn anymore. It occurred to me that I could spend a couple bucks and have a shoe-maker bring new life to my pre-existing shoes, instead of spending a lot of bucks on brand new shoes. (I already have a pair that I am so excited to resuscitate- cream round-toe Mary Janes, with a sexy stiletto heel and delicate lattice work around the edges. They look disgusting now, can’t wait to get them spiffed up and back into rotation!)

The idea of revitalizing shoes I already own lead me (slippery slope) to the idea of revitalizing clothes I already own… and that’s when the adrenaline started pumping and I sat straight up in bed, too many ideas racing around in my brain to track them all.

That vintage looking white dress with the puff skirt covered in blue flowers? I had only worn it once, despite it’s beauty, and written it off as being too conservative. But, with a shorter, flirtier hemline, and a thick brown leather belt-- I could wear that dress to death! Dinner, work, out… perfection!

That purple silk Rebecca Taylor patterned tank top I haven’t worn since college because it’s too short-waisted for today’s look-- that would look awesome cut down the front and transformed into a flowy, romantic vest.

Cute black Ella Moss empire tunic with the bat wing sleeves I decided I hated after purchase-- nothing a stapler can’t handle! (For real, this story is just between us because my brother would DIE if he knew I told this to anyone, but I turned the shirt inside out, and had him put it on. Following the shape of his arms, I stapled in the stitching I wished the shirt actually had, and made the sleeves fitted. Although my brother was happy to help, I could tell he felt a bit emasculated that I was using him as a model because only his arms were as skinny as mine.)

My white vintage Gucci floral bag with the long white leather strap would look sick updated with a pretty gold chain strap...

The possibilities are endless, and it’s so exciting because these are all things I already own—and all I’m doing is coordinating a little makeover action, and inviting these pieces back into my life. Money is saved, my creative fires are stoked, and I’m cutting down on my wasteful consumption while preventing lots of material goods from finding their final resting place in the bottom of a land-fill grave.

I can’t wait to take my favorite destroyed jeans –- so favorite that I have two pairs—to the tailor and having one pair made into a straighter, skinnier version. I am also looking forward to updating a slew of dresses to a more modern hemline, and never having to stress about what to wear during the summer again. (Note though- for things being hemmed I will ask for the material to only be sewed and not cut, so that when the styles eventually revert back, the hems can be let down and the clothing piece will still be relevant.)

Along these lines, stay posted for updates on more do-it-yourself ideas, in addition to profiles of clothing designers that are already doing this for you. For instance, check out the extreme makeovers at avant apres fashion- I am so jealous of this girl's style and skill, however she does set an awesome example of what can be accomplished with the things you already own and a good imagination.

Before and After #1:

(I love it!!!!)

Before and After #2:

Hot.

(Tip: she sells some of her creations on etsy.com, so some of her infinite style can possibly be momentarily possessed by one of us normal folk.)

Now-- hopefully after getting all this off my chest, I will be able to sleep like a contented baby tonight. Sweet dreams!

It's what on the inside that crunches

We were recently privileged enough to be invited to this baby's Super Sweet "First" Birthday Bash. When we arrived, (after we were carded and checked off on the guest list, obvs) we were greeted by the birthday girl, who was all decked out in a "special", yet preppy, pink plaid Burberry jumper, with patent leather black Tod's driving moccs. Her ruffled bloomers completed the outfit, with her initials sewn onto the bottom, surrounded by lacy ruffles and flounces.

After having cake and a few temper tantrums, the present opening began. As each gift was unwrapped and revealed, each audience member/guest “oohed” and “ahhed” appropriately.

· Some sort of baby-grand (get it?) electric piano that could make every noise imagineable: "Ooooooooh!!!!" we all murmured, a combination of admiration and perhaps jealousy?

· A new Juicy dress with matching leggings. The chorus all went “Ahhhhhhh!” while her mother chirped something like, “Mommy has this outfit in black!”

· A huge stuffed animal that was three times the size of the birthday girl, with each extremity doubling as a toy; a rattle for a hand, a foot that was a mirror and squeaked…. “Oooooohhh!”

And so on and so on it went for the afternoon.

Once every package and parcel had been opened, the baby had a pile of brand-new fancy toys. Every gift had been hand-picked from upscale boutiques, as to what would best be suited for an one year old with discerning tastes, and equally discerning parents. Despite having half the large room taken up by her bounty of things that sparkled and shined, squeaked and squalled, the thing that had enraptured her mind and heart the most was the also sizable pile of discarded wrapping paper in the corner. Who needs Tiffany’s baubles and Baby Einstein when you can rip noisy things up with wanton abandon?*

It’s easy to forget that if you have simple tastes, you are satisfied with simple things.

Kids are as happy with wrapping paper and big empty boxes as they are with the things that came inside those entrapments. Remember how fun a big empty box was when you were a kid? Who needed fancy toys when you had a big box, an imagination, and siblings that would go along with whatever?

"Welcome to my penthouse. Would you care to nibble some bits with me, you sweet, sweet Webkin...?"
My sister has a chinchilla, and it’s like crack for her- she can’t help but to spend every penny she has on toys and luxurious accommodations for the fat rodent’s cage. (And also, she sniffs it, a lot.)

Seriously though, this thing has it’s own bathroom, tropical inspired hammocks, custom made lofts, a thatch-roofed bungalow, island scenery (to remind it of home?), and gourmet treats hand-fed to it daily… Basically, it’s 6 ft. tall cage is nicer than the Playboy Suite in Vegas. (And yes, just like Vegas, the chinchilla’s cage comes complete with its very own legalized sex trade. While it’s not the use my sister had originally intended for the little stuffed animals that she populated the cage with, she unintentionally became the john of the chinchilla cage. With her weekly rotation of characters, neither the toys nor the chinchilla, nor my sister [who can sleep better when the rodent’s quiet after tiring himself out,] seem to be complaining about the wanton acts of abandon happening in that faux-tropical hideaway…)

And yet, despite all of it’s rodenty accommodations, it’s favorite plaything is the cardboard roll that makes up the center of a paper towel or toilet paper roll. Indeed, he seems to get more pleasure playing with these, than from all of his Furries action combined.

This is why when I went over to my friend’s house the other night; I got really excited and inspired by something I saw in her bed that I thought was ingeniously green. (Ingreenious?)

Scared? (If you knew this friend-- and what could have been in her bed, you probably would be...)

I innocently picked up the little felt cow that lay there, and remarked on how cute it was. Her lab puppy bouncing at my feet trying to grab for it, seemed to obviously agree with me. I felt that there was something hard inside of it, and before I could start to get weirded about what exactly I was holding, my friend gave me the inside scoop. Literally.

You know how you can buy your dog everything in the pet store, and yet when you’re at home, he’s happier drinking water from the toilet bowl, playing with the stuff he can get out of the trashcan, eating poop instead of treats, and falling asleep anywhere? Another case of simple things for simple tastes....

K.I.S.S!
A bunch of genius (possibly dog whispering?) companies have taken note of what of their dogs are telling them, and have accommodated their trashy habits to make them safer, healthier, cleaner and greener.

The cow in my hand was basically a fancy cover for an empty plastic water bottle. I have known many a dog that loved chewing on empty, plastic water bottles (as they are apparently oh-so-fun to crunch on and destroy) and now--they can do just that, while leaving the plastic pieces all confined inside the animal cover, so the dogs cannot make a mess, or hurt themselves --and once the bottle has been sufficiently killed, it is replaceable! And recyclable! Woo hoo!

These bottle covers are available under a few different monikers, some are called "Bottle Crunchers", some are called "Bottle Buddies." They can be found in any pet store, and are available in a ton of places online. They are inexpensive, and can keep a dog satisfied, over and over. (Sort of like stuffed animals for a Chinchilla, in an equally "ew, I don't want to touch that" when they're done with it, kind of way.)

The moral of the stories is that happiness can easily be found in the most mundane of objects, and we shouldn't try so hard, or spend so much, on unnecessary acquirements.

On the plus side--now I know what to get my mother for Mother's Day. (Note to self: start saving those empty toilet paper rolls, now.)

*This was a very important day all around, as we all were reminded of something very important. Her 3-year old brother solemnly informed us that his baby sister DID NOT like it when you smacked her really hard, on the top of her head. Why? Duh! a.) It was not nice, and b.) Her head was still soft.

"That's what HE said..."

I feel like this is cheating somehow since I didn’t write it…

But as people who do bad things are known to do-- I am trying to make myself feel better about doing something that makes me feel guilty, by coming up with justifications of why I should proceed with the questionable act...

Yes, I'm arguing with myself (yet again), that since the following would be enjoyable and relevant for you to read (and really, it's all about YOU, dear reader. Q: Why would I ever want to withhold the good stuff from YOU? A: I wouldn't!), and I’m not trying to play it off like I wrote this, it’s a good thing for me to share my awesome findings with you?

It’s like recycling other people’s creativity! Yes... that soothes my conscious and makes me feel ok about this...

So, today on this blog I discovered called "CheapHealthyGood," there is a whole list of “eco” quotes from the quirkiest of kooks on NBC's "The Office." Please enjoy the following list of the best Dwight Schrute-isms (which I cherry-picked for you), followed by it's eco-relevance:

DWIGHT SAYS: “Michael always says ‘K-I-S-S. Keep it simple, stupid.’ Great advice. Hurts my feelings every time.”

DWIGHT MEANS: Fresh, simple ingredients are the best way to a cheap, healthy meal.In other words, eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants. Fruits, vegetables, whole grains, legumes, dabs of dairy, healthy fats and lean meats are the building blocks of delicious dinners and happy digestive systems. In the long run, they cost less and taste better than pre-packaged stuff, too. (and probably have less bugs and mouse parts in them...?)

DWIGHT SAYS: “My grandfather left me a 60-acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin Mose. We sell beets to the local stores and restaurants. It’s a nice little farm ... sometimes teenagers use it for sex.”

DWIGHT MEANS: Buy local.Not only does it support neighborhood farmers (who need security to keep randy kids away), but food that’s shipped from nearby tastes better, is better for you, and is easier on the environment. See here for more.

DWIGHT SAYS: “Yes, I have decided to shun Andy Bernard for the next three years, which I'm looking forward to. It's an Amish technique; it's like slapping someone with silence. I was shunned from the age of 4 until my 6th birthday, for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna.”

DWIGHT MEANS: Save leftovers, or suffer the terrible consequences.Whether it’s excess mashed potatoes or those last two slices of pizza, try to pack your extras away. It’ll keep your portion size down, make a delicious office meal the next day, and put your lunch money back where it belongs – in your pocket.DWIGHT SAYS: "Oh you know that line on the top of the shrimp? That's feces."

DWIGHT SAYS: “Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ And if they would, I do not do that thing.” (This is my favorite, hilarious yet insightful.)

DWIGHT MEANS: Find a food anti-idol.Imagine your most extravagant friend. You know, the high roller - the one that doesn’t think twice about his finances. For what does he dole out the most dough? If he’s anything like my big-spender buds, it’s food. Learn from his bad example and try to use good judgment when buying groceries, ordering out, or settling down for a restaurant meal.

DWIGHT SAYS: [to Toby's daughter] “Hello, tiny one. YOU ARE THE FUTURE!”

DWIGHT MEANS: Teach your children well. When it comes to eating and budgeting, kids learn largely from the examples set by their parents. Whether it’s having dinner together or serving more vegetables, changing a bad habit or starting a few good ones will benefit them for life.

(In the spirit of things, just"recycling" a cutie dog picture I found.)