Coming Out of the Closet

If your storage space was real estate, the land that lay beyond your closet doors would absolutely be equivalent to the most desirable of desired beach front properties. (Park Place, if your storage-real estate comparison was then compared to Monopoly real estate.) The problem stems from the fact that there is far too much demand put on an area that is not nearly large enough to accommodate all.

As I get older, I find myself an increasingly ruthless closet land-lord when determining what can move into the neighborhood, which current tenants can remain, what's going to have to be relocated, and what will be condemned and evicted. It’s no one’s fault, and yet the constant changing of fashion (and the size of my ass) cannot be denied- and some clothes, after having “peaked” must be left out in the cold.♥

There are really so many directions my brain is going right now, like one of those brain-storming activities from 5th grade, the inside of my head right now looks like “Unused Clothes!” in the middle of a pink-pen colored circle, with about 100 idea arrows shooting off of it. How to decide what stays. How to organzie what stays. Other people's closets, Kimora, Mariah, Paris. Storing seasonal pieces.

Deep breaths. Must. continue. with. planned. topic.

And, exhale.
After having cleaned out my closet, usually at the end of one season and on the cusp of the next, I am left staring at 3 distinct clothing piles that need to be taken care of. Throwing clothes away into the garbage (MOM!♥♥) is not an option- it takes forever for these things to decompose, and other people could be benefiting from them. (Including you yourself, dear reader.) Depending on your own personal course of action, you can make $$$ from these piles of the unwanted, add to your karma account if not your bank account, or at the very least, increase your available closet space.

Pile 1: One girl’s trash... ♥ ♥
Chances are if I haven’t worn it in the past year it’s something that I could do without. However, just because I’m over it doesn’t mean that my little sister or best friend wouldn’t/doesn't love it. Some things I want to get rid of just speak to me, and convince me that they want to be adopted by Little Sis or Bestie. It's easy enough to do- hand over the articles, watch them smile, and reap those addicting good-doer’ good feelings. (Endorphins, I believe, is the technical term.) When it’s people you care about, it feels good to do something that makes them happy.

Pros: Making someone else happy, making yourself feel good, efficiently ridding yourself of clothes refuse.
Cons: Not sure there is one? It is frustrating when the pairing doesn’t work out as hoped, whether they don’t like the hand-selected hand-me-down, or it just doesn’t fit, it sucks being back in square 1, but at least you tried. [Read on for what to do in this scenario.]

Pile 2: Good things that can bring in good ca$h.
You know how in the movie “40 Year Old Virgin,” the leading lady had that store called something like, “I Sell Your Junk on E-Bay”? Well. Places like that exist, for real!

For a percentage of the sale price, people will photograph and write-up your old stuff and sell it through on-line auctions for you. Because they are reaping a percentage of the profit, it’s in their best interest to work the system to get as much money for the stuff as possible- when their liveliehood is dependen on it, you better believe they're going to strive for that $1,000 sale and not easily settle for the $20 sale. The remaining percentage that you get back is better then what you would get from having these items hanging in your closet. These e-bay sellers don’t want to waste their time though, and therefore only agree to invest their time in the hawking of items with the most potential to sell. Therefore, the pile of designer jeans and Rebecca Taylor frocks that I spent a pile of money on, can go to one of these guys and pay me back. (A bit.)

Obviously, the idea of getting money for stuff no longer of value to me is appealing. Just Google “Ebay sellers” in your area, and you will be shocked at the plethora available to you.

Pros: You’re making cash money!!! And letting someone else enjoy your good taste at a great discount!
Cons: Depending on the seller you contact, it can be a pain to arrange meeting times, and depending on what they already have in stock or past sales trends, they may choose not to take items that you think are fabulous. There are a lot of these guys around though, so be picky, and go with the one that seems the most pleasant, and has the best online site.

Pile 3: Second-hand = Money in hand
Those items rejected from Pile 1 and 2’s schemes can find a nice, accepting haven in Pile 3- the pile carefully bagged up in a Hefty and dropped down the shoot at the local Goodwill.

I know, I know. This one is sooo obvious. “Uh, duh!” you’re undoubtedly muttering to yourself, “Of course there is the option to drop off the stuff at Goodwill, thanks for that pearl, Kelly.” And, you’re right, it is an extremely well-known method to dispose of your used clothing.

But, did you know that you can write off these clothing donations on your tax return? (I didn't!) It seems ironic to be motivated by money to do good deeds, but… the reality is that money is a great motivator. I can't help it if by doing something beneficial to society by providing good clothing to those less fortunate that Uncle Sam wants to reward me.

All you have to do is go inside the establishment after dropping off your offerings, and list all of the items donated on the facility provided form. Then, come next April 15th, fill in the appropriate information on your tax return, and voila! A good deed that went unpunished!

Pros: For a little bit of effort, you'll get extra rewarded come tax season.
Cons: It's hard (for me, anyway) to resist the temptation of shopping while in one of these places, and thereby undoing the good I'd accomplished.


Road paved to hell...?
Despite my best intentions, I’m not sure that my main idea was manifested. Really, at the bottom of everything, this is not about my glut of clothing, nor my attempts to make a quick buck with a side of charity. The truth behind everything is that I absolutely despite waste.

By finding other uses for clothes that are no longer of use to me- it makes me feel better, like I’m increasing the worth of the item by prolonging its longevity and usefulness (read; getting more out of the money I spent for it.) Making other people happy (the people receiving the items, or the E-bay people making loot from it,) is not a bad side-effect, and most importantly, I’m keeping bags and bags and bags of perfectly good things out of the landfills.

I'm sure that there are many other good ways to dispose of unwanted clothing. I love the group "The Princess Project" that collects used prom dresses and prom accessories, and then sells them dirt cheap to girls who can't necessarily afford to buy their brand-new dream dress and accoutrements. There are tons of ways out there to give away your things while giving back, and I am open to, and happy about, each and all.

The only downside to the whole thing in my experience, is at the end of disposing all 3 piles, and having a nicely edited, organized closet full of the stuff I actually wear and like readily at my disposal, I still find myself standing in front of my closet and feeling like I have nothing to wear.

To you, Bluefly girl, I can totally relate.

♥ Yes- there are those certain pieces that I just love, and will hold onto until they disintegrate on the hanger. Blame it on being scarred from my throw-away happy mother, or my own innate sentimentality, I can't help but keep the pieces that mean the most to me. (However, these treasured clothing articles are few and far between; my denim Abercrombie mini that is so short the majority of the pockets hang out from beneath the hem, [can't wait to show the grandkids that 5'10" grandma used to wear that!] my purple see-through Vivienne Tam halter tank with the silver lame lining, or my bedazzled hankerchief top from my freshman year of college with the back that consists ONLY of two pieces of ribbon that tie into a bow, to name a few.) It was an interesting learning experience comparing my mother who kept NOTHING from the past, to her mother, who lovingly kept every sentimental dress she owned carefully stored away in a large cedar closet in her attic. My grandmother has the dress (with an impossibly teensy waist) that she wore on her first date with my grandfather. My mother has… um... maybe the dress she wore on a date with my father last weekend?

Unlike my mother, I want to be able to share those kinds of things that my grandmother shared with me, and make history a little bit more tangible by having the important pieces of my past that my children and grandchildren can actually touch and feel and experience. (Also, it wouldn't hurt if my grandchildren got extra style-points amongst their peers for rocking cool vintage from Granny.)

♥♥ Sometimes I get annoyed, like, I always give you and you and you such great clothes, yet when you, you, and you clean out your closets, I get bubkas. Not that I give to receive, but it would be nice to reap some of the sewn benefits, or at least know that your friends were thinking about you.

So, an idea that I read about years ago in In Style magazine (and probably have the article tucked away somewhere, see article “Tear and Wear”) that has stuck with me was the idea of a Clothing Swap party. You and a bunch of friends meet up with a bag full of your unwanted items. You drink some wine, you have some laughs, you go through each others casts-offs, and you take what you like. In the case of multiple people wanting the same item, you have a fitting of sorts where each interested individual tries on the coveted item, and the majority rules on who looks the best in it, and who gets to keep it. Fair is fair, and fun. The left-overs from this can go into Pile 3…

Random Tangent Thought: With the advent and prevalence of vanity sizing (size inflation) I wonder what today's sizes will be labeled in 20, 40 years. Will a double zero be the equivalent of a size 6 in 2038? Will a small size be labeled as 00000, or will too many zeros take up too much room and negative numbers will be utilized? "Hi, I'm looking for some size -2 cocktail dresses?" It will be superficially interesting to see what happens...