Stop Smelling the Chemical Infested Roses

If we were to ever date in the future, I know it will be hard to restrain yourself— but please don’t send tokens of your affection to my place of work. While it sounds cute in theory and always comes across as soooo romantic in movies, receiving flowers at work is way more embarrassing than arousing.*

With a big bouquet on your desk, every coworker passing by feels inclined to poke their head in, and be like “Oooh, someone got flowers!” They usually then use this opening as a springboard into all sorts of other prying questions about your personal life. (I am always tempted to give some unexpected answer, like getting a far-away look on my face, and dreamily answering, “Yeah, teenage boyfriends can be so adorable…” or, “Such a surprise! I didn’t even know he knew my name, let alone where I worked?” or even, “My imaginary boyfriend really surprised me this time! He's in for a treat when I get home tonight... ” You know, something awkward like that? Fortunately I have the will-power to restrain myself, thank god there is no alcohol at work.)

So, due to the flowers— it’s guaranteed to be an extra annoying day, and then at the end of it, I get to figure out some MacGyver inspired technique on how to buckle up my flowers using only an umbrella and a reusable bag from Trader Joes. (It's a pain, for sure, but call me crazy — I'd much rather have my flowers at home where I’m usually happy, instead of at work, where I’m usually disgruntled.) In the process of this, there are usually a lot of expletives and sometimes tears. Once I finally get home, the unavoidable puddle around the vase makes it look like the flowers wet themselves in transit— obviously in response to my driving skills.

So clearly, I’d rather just not deal with any of this and just get flowers delivered straight to my house (I sound like such a brat, don’t I?), however it's not like embarrassing things are limited to work-place flower deliveries…

As everyone with a calendar knows, February 14th just passed, and this year the date happened to fall on a Saturday. When the doorbell unexpectedly rang that morning, I had just rolled out of bed and was wearing my natty old bathrobe and slippers, with hair and left-over eye-make-up all over the place. I think my nose might have been running a little too, and I hadn’t even had a chance to check and see if I had the tell-tale dried drool marks on my cheek, (probably really want to date me now, huh?) and yet I swallowed my pride and mustered as much dignity as I could to answer the door. Poor delivery guy. He was just doing his job, dropping off beautiful Valentine’s Day deliveries, and yet I think it’s safe to say when shut the door after him we both felt a little traumatized/violated?

Here’s the thing though, whether you got flowers sent to work, or flowers delivered to your home— here we are, almost a week later and I bet you are unable to still enjoy your flowers because they're dead, right? If my house a litmus test of this, then your flowers are probably drooping and wilting, while sitting in a stagnating vase of their own filth. Lovely.

And, I’m not even going to touch upon the topic of how ungodly expensive flowers magically become on Hallmark’s favorite day… What I did want to share though, was an alternative to giving cut flower bouquets on V-day.

I did a bit of research on the topic today, and was blown away by the cons of buying pre-cut flowers, and I learned that cut flowers are major “thorns” in the sides of many environmentalists. The majority of flowers are flown in from South America, so a ton of pollution/consumption is happening just for them to reach the United States. Since the flowers are coming from South America, they are farmed under very different conditions than what is allowed in the U.S. Because they are using outlawed pesticides and chemicals, major health-defects are occurring amongst the Colombian and Ecuadorian flower workers. Two-thirds of them suffer work-related health problems ranging from impaired vision and neurological problems. Exposure to these illegal chemicals are wreaking havoc especially amongst the child-bearing women of these groups, as the chemicals they are exposed to are also being exposed to their wombs— and many are giving birth to stillborn infants, or see their children die within a month after birth.

It’s scary to think about what is happening to the people who are hands-on in growing these flowers, but don’t think you’re home-free just because you're in your home. According to Environmental News Network, roses grown in South America can contain up to 50 times the amount of pesticides that are legally allowed on the food we eat, and while the U.S. requires imported flowers to be bug-free— they are not tested for chemical residues, so you may still be bringing the chemicals used on them into your home.

My recommendation is both simple and elegant—cut the cut flowers from your repertoire, and just give a beautiful potted plant instead. Potted plants can be found at any local greenhouse, and instead of lasting a week, they can last indefinitely with a little TLC. Think of the plant as being a metaphor of your relationship— if treated the right way, they will both grow bigger and more beautiful with each passing day, instead of becoming a droopy reminder of things to come.

*Obviously, this is my opinion.